Bio Father Wants to Establish Paternity After 2.5 Years

[lettie-mae]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: FL

I am married and am stationed in South Carolina with my husband. We are still currently Florida residents though. We moved to SC from FL in November 2008. My daughter is now 2 1/2 years old and I have not heard from the bio in a year. There is no father listed on her birth certificate and my husband wants to adopt her. Tonight his new girlfriend contacted me and told me that I would soon be hearing from their lawyer regarding some kind of custody agreement with my daughter. I had a paternity test done a couple of years ago because regrettably, I wasn't sure who my daughter's father was. The man tested was not proved to be the father and this man has not been tested yet. I have a few (more) questions about the situation. 1) Is it possible for them to use the previous samples to do his test? 2) Does us living in SC change anything? 3) If he is proved to be the father will he be responsible for back child support and if so, does it have to/can it be paid as a lump sum? 4) Should/can his girlfriend be involved in any legal proceedings? 5) If my husband adopts her will that help/hurt anything? 6) Is there any advise you can give me to maybe persuade him to give up his parental rights? Any and all advise/guidance is greatly appreciated. If you are only interested in criticizing please do not reply to this thread. Thank you all for your time.

[Neal1421]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: FL

1) Is it possible for them to use the previous samples to do his test? 2) Does us living in SC change anything? 3) If he is proved to be the father will he be responsible for back child support and if so, does it have to/can it be paid as a lump sum? 4) Should/can his girlfriend be involved in any legal proceedings? 5) If my husband adopts her will that help/hurt anything? 6) Is there any advise you can give me to maybe persuade him to give up his parental rights? Any and all advise/guidance is greatly appreciated. If you are only interested in criticizing please do not reply to this thread. Thank you all for your time.

1)No it is not, a new sample will need to be taken.
2)Not really
3)It is possible that he could be ordered to pay retroactive support back 2 years, however it will not be ordered in a lump sum. It will likely be added onto the child support that is ordered by the judge. Depending on his income, it could be an additional $10-50.
4)No, she should not.
5)He will have to agree to let your husband adopt. Your husband will not be able to adopt until paternity has been established. No, I have no advice as to how to get a father to give up parental rights as I feel that if he wants to be a father, she should be allowed to.

[cyjeff]

Do not talk to the girlfriend.

The only person that you need to speak to about your child's paternity is the father of the child.

Well, and your husband, but only for moral support.

The wishes, wants and demands of his girlfriend and your husband are worth nothing. They are both legal strangers to the child.

[lettie-mae]

Thank you for your advice and information. His girlfriend is the one that is pursuing this matter. I have tried to get in touch with him instead of dealing with her but the number that I have for him doesn't work (not surprizingly). He has not been involved at all and my daughter knows my husband as daddy so I would rather wait until she is old enough to make the decision about having him in her life. Not only that but since his girlfriend is so nasty with me I worry about her saying inappropriate things in front of my daughter. I'll keep the thread updated with any outcome.

[cyjeff]

Thank you for your advice and information. His girlfriend is the one that is pursuing this matter. I have tried to get in touch with him instead of dealing with her but the number that I have for him doesn't work (not surprizingly). He has not been involved at all and my daughter knows my husband as daddy so I would rather wait until she is old enough to make the decision about having him in her life. Not only that but since his girlfriend is so nasty with me I worry about her saying inappropriate things in front of my daughter. I'll keep the thread updated with any outcome.

I want to point out that your daughter really will have no concrete say in the matter until she is 18.

[lettie-mae]

Well that is dissappointing. He hasn't made an effort to be a part of her life. The only people that have ever questioned me about visitation or anything like that is his mother and his girlfriend and neither have to right to do so. I don't want his money and would rather not have to deal with the hassel and worry of visitation since we're 350 miles away. The whole situation is going to be very stressful and confussing for my daughter and I don't want to put her thru that. We'll see what happens...

[Xena]

Well that is dissappointing. He hasn't made an effort to be a part of her life. The only people that have ever questioned me about visitation or anything like that is his mother and his girlfriend and neither have to right to do so. I don't want his money and would rather not have to deal with the hassel and worry of visitation since we're 350 miles away. The whole situation is going to be very stressful and confussing for my daughter and I don't want to put her thru that. We'll see what happens...

Ask for graduated supervised visiation to allow father and child to get to know each other. At only 2 1/2 yrs old, it is likely that visitation would be ordered after establishing paternity. Children that age cope rather well, and the court will likely give the father a chance. You also should request parenting classes, and possibly a GAL if needed.

[Baystategirl]

The whole situation is going to be very stressful and confussing for my daughter and I don't want to put her thru that.

Not if you handle it properly. As the CP it is your legal duty to facilitate a relationship with your child and her father. Do not allow your personal animosity to pollute their relationship. Do this for your daughter. Talk to a counselor for the best way to approach this with your child.

[lettie-mae]

I spoke to a lawyer today who practices law in Florida and she was pretty confident that we could argue that her bio had abandoned her. We have never received any help from him monetarily or otherwise, he has not contacted me in over a year about her and he has known for 2 years that he is the father (not thru dna test) but has never tried to prove paternity. I have tried for 3 days to find him and talk to him instead of his gf as she won't give me a number for him and have had no luck. We are hiring this attorney and going to hope for the best.

[Neal1421]

I spoke to a lawyer today who practices law in Florida and she was pretty confident that we could argue that her bio had abandoned her. We have never received any help from him monetarily or otherwise, he has not contacted me in over a year about her and he has known for 2 years that he is the father (not thru dna test) but has never tried to prove paternity. I have tried for 3 days to find him and talk to him instead of his gf as she won't give me a number for him and have had no luck. We are hiring this attorney and going to hope for the best.

He has not abandoned the child, as by your own admission he hasn't legally been declared the father. He has not known for two years that he is the father, as no dna test has been done. All he has is your word that he was the only other man that you slept with at the time of conception.

Don't go into this blindly based on what this one attorney has told you. I would get another consultation first before paying a retainer for this one.