[Sephya]

My question involves paternity law for the State of: Nebraska

Hello, I am 28 weeks pregnant with a very active boy. I love him to pieces and I want him to grow up in a normal stable home. you know, preferably one mom, one dad, one home.
My boyfriend is claiming paternity and signing the baby's birth certificate. so I should be having no problems, right? WRONG!

A man, 9 hours away (Oklahoma), is convinced he is the dad.
quick history update: we had a one time fling and according to him he pulled out so unless he knows something I don't know, he shouldn't be the father, my boyfriend who slipped up on the pull out should be.
Well for the 1st few months the conception date was sadly pointing to the other guy and my lovely best friend told him everything.
(he lives with her)
Well recently my doc changed my due date, changing my conception date.
Pointing towards my boyfriend and no longer the other guy.

Sadly this isn't enough to appease the other guy. He is still convinced that the child is his and is determined to take sole custody of the child and limit my visitation rights.

According to my best friend he is getting a lawyer and everything and is sure he is going to win. (so I guess the confidence of this man is making me nervous).

real quick brief: this man is a total jerk, and I am not exaggerating. This man gave me bruises bigger than my fists, and he was stupid enough to hit me in front of my friends, and my boyfriend and his mother saw the bruises. He emotionally abused me, calling me names (fatty, ugly, you name it he called me it), sadly to admit he had me try "X" the night of the questionable sex.
He is very aggressive and a control freak. When we did try to date the sex was always forced. (we were not together the night of question)

(I do apologize, I just want you to realize what I am dealing with)

He has a job, no car, about to get kicked out of his apartment, does drugs, and is socially abusive and very violent with people. (so i fear for my child's life and upbringing)

I have a job, a car, a stable home, a boyfriend with a GOOD job, a car, lives with me in the stable home, The baby's room is almost completed, I do not do drugs, I dont even smoke cigarettes, and even though I am 21, I do not drink. I only had one glass of wine and that was on my birthday.

I know that I am a very fit mother, I babysit frequently, and the kids love me.
but I also know that in court decisions the sex of the child can determine who gets sole custody.

and to the main issue.

Do I need to worry about loosing my newborn to this man?
I do plan on breastfeeding, but I dont want that to be the only reason why I get to keep custody of my child, for now. I fear this guy may be a danger for my son.

my boyfriend wants to be the father and claim the child, will this help me in anyway?
(would marriage help anything?)
If I get sole custody and he gets visitation rights am I forced to travel to Oklahoma with my newborn for him to see the baby or will he have to find his own means?
I don't even want child support! I do not want this man influencing my sons life (again this guy is violent, does drugs, does not have a solid place for my son to grow up).

I need help to save my son!
I want him to have a normal child hood!

and he is already going to be put in alot of stress when he comes into this world.

Please let me know, WHAT CAN I DO TO WIN?

[Rushia]

Just a little quick sex ed here. Pre-ejaculate can cause pregnancy. Without a condom or any form of birth control you can become pregnant with the "pull out" method.

Next, he can file to establish paternity. Should he prove to be the father, you will be sharing the child with him until he is 18 years old. The courts will decide transportation and amount of time. Don't count on breastfeeding as an excuse to stop visitation. Won't work, buy a pump.

[aardvarc]

My question involves paternity law for the State of: Nebraska

Hello, I am 28 weeks pregnant with a very active boy.

Congrats!

A man, 9 hours away (Oklahoma), is convinced he is the dad.

He can bring a paternity suit to find that out.

quick history update: we had a one time fling and according to him he pulled out so unless he knows something I don't know, he shouldn't be the father, my boyfriend who slipped up on the pull out should be.

"Should" isn't legally sufficient.

Sadly this isn't enough to appease the other guy.

Understandable.

He is still convinced that the child is his and is determined to take sole custody of the child and limit my visitation rights.

That'll be for a court to decide, not him (even assuming he is the father).

According to my best friend he is getting a lawyer and everything and is sure he is going to win. (so I guess the confidence of this man is making me nervous).

Even a "win" after establishing paternity doesn't mean he'll be wisking the child away. More likely he'll get visitation, along with child support orders.

real quick brief: this man is a total jerk, and I am not exaggerating. This man gave me bruises bigger than my fists, and he was stupid enough to hit me in front of my friends, and my boyfriend and his mother saw the bruises. He emotionally abused me, calling me names (fatty, ugly, you name it he called me it), sadly to admit he had me try "X" the night of the questionable sex.
He is very aggressive and a control freak. When we did try to date the sex was always forced. (we were not together the night of question)

None of which prevented you from engaging in activity which could have produced a child, and tied you to him through that child for 18 more years. If you plan on bringing this up in court, remember to bring a copy of the police report you filed for drug-facilitated sexual assault, along with any court records including the disposition of the case.

He has a job, no car, about to get kicked out of his apartment, does drugs, and is socially abusive and very violent with people. (so i fear for my child's life and upbringing)

Again, none of which was so bad at the time that you decided not to engage in an activity with child-producing possibilities (yes, that's how a COURT will see it). The time to be afraid is BEFORE.

I have a job, a car, a stable home, a boyfriend with a GOOD job, a car, lives with me in the stable home, The baby's room is almost completed, I do not do drugs, I dont even smoke cigarettes, and even though I am 21, I do not drink. I only had one glass of wine and that was on my birthday.

Then you should be on pretty stable parenting ground, except for the "X".

but I also know that in court decisions the sex of the child can determine who gets sole custody

Generally irrelevent.

Do I need to worry about loosing my newborn to this man?

I wouldn't be worried about losing the child to him. But if he is determined to be the father, you CAN count on 18 years of visitation and CO-PARENTING.

I do plan on breastfeeding, but I dont want that to be the only reason why I get to keep custody of my child, for now.

It won't be. Breast pumps work, and unless the child has some genetic deficiency, off the shelf formula is perfectly useful.

I fear this guy may be a danger for my son.

You can certainly present your police reports, medical records documenting injuries, bring forward your witnesses to violent outbursts, etc. Again, the court will want DOCUMENTATION. And, as stupid as it seems, unless there has been violence towards or in the presence of the child, courts tend to see violence towards the mother, and risk to the child as two totally separate issues. Since you've not had the bundle of joy yet, it's not likely to be an issue (unless he's got some criminal record for a crime committed against or in the presence of children).

my boyfriend wants to be the father and claim the child, will this help me in anyway?

Nope.

(would marriage help anything?)

If you were MARRIED (and had been for a year or so) and he wanted to adopt the child, AND if the father agreed or had his parental rights revoked, it would.

If I get sole custody and he gets visitation rights am I forced to travel to Oklahoma with my newborn for him to see the baby or will he have to find his own means?

That'll be up to the judge. It could be 100% his problem, or, could be split 50/50, or some other arrangement that the court deems as "fair".

I don't even want child support!

Doesn't matter. It's not for you. It's for the benefit of the child, and, not getting support in no way influences his right to visitation or to be a part of the child's life. Child support isn't a payment to get to see the child, those are two totally separate issues. If the money isn't needed right now, stick it in a nice safe bank account until some time in the future when things aren't so rosey or your child wants to attend medical school. Your child will thank you.

I do not want this man influencing my sons life (again this guy is violent, does drugs, does not have a solid place for my son to grow up).

Ditto the whole thing about being careful who you have unprotected sex with. The moment you made that choice, you gave him SOME level of "stamp of approval" to be a potential parent (again, that's how the court will see it).

WHAT CAN I DO TO WIN?

Hope Mr. Baddie isn't the father? Beyond that, plan on visitation and some level of a joint parenting plan.