[simplykt]

My question involves paternity law for the State of: Missouri

I am 5 months pregnant and would like some advice as I prepare for the baby to arrive. The father and I were dating only a short time when I became pregnant. He is not interested in having a relationship with me. He is adament that I'm ruining his life by having the child.

He says he will 'be on board' once we establish paternity. I told him that was fine - we would do that when they baby comes. Rather than listen to him berate me for having the child and not having an abortion, I have asked him to not contact me unless he can have a positive, adult conversation. As such, I have not spoken with him for 2+months.

I am 35, employed full time w/ benefits, make $70 - 90k/ yr (depending on bonus). He is 32, self employed, uninsured and reportedly makes $35k/ yr. I learned on our last date in November that he is a daily marijuana user, something I did not know prior.

So... poor decision on father of child, but I am well-equipped to raise my child. I am open to his being involved with the baby if he is not using drugs and chooses to be an active and involved father. However, today the pittance of child support money he would provide is not worth exposing my child to his lifestyle or negative attitude. I'm not inclined to seek support because it would open up the door for custody. I feel if I do nothing, ask for nothing he just won't be involved. However, if my life circumstance should change (ie job loss), his financial support might be needed.

What are the appropriate steps to take?

1. Should I list his name on birth certificate? Or leave it blank?
2. Can I seek financial support without granting custody?
3. Is there anything I need to do to protect the long-term interests of the child?

Thank you for any guidance or suggestions you have.

[Baystategirl]

35 huh?? Okay.

Establishment of paternity is not ALL up to you. Dad can chose to do this himself. The MJ usage is not an issue unless it can be proven that it would harm the child.

Please take a parenting class to learn how to co-parent with your child's father.

[simplykt]

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for sharing your personal bias, but I was hoping for someone who has knowledge of Missouri law. Your comments did not provide me the legal guidance I was asking for.

As a clarification... the father has been invited to all doctor's appointments and has not come. I was not sleeping with anyone else so I welcome him to seek paternity, however he will not pay for it so it's not going to happen unless I 'force' the issue. My request from the beginning has been for us to be two civilized adults who are raising a child separately. Unfortunately as time goes on I believe he will do nothing about the child unless I seek financial support. I just want to do the right thing from a legal standpoint that leaves our options open in the future.

[LawResearcherMissy]

1) Unless he is present at the hospital to sign an Acknowledgment of Paternity, you may not name him on the birth certificate. The child retains your name.

2) Yes. Child support and visitation/custody are two separate matters. HOWEVER - you don't get to decide custody, that is up to the courts. If he seeks a shared custody arrangement, he may well be granted one, albeit a limited one.

3) As you note, force the issue. Drag him into court for paternity testing and child support.