Married, and Pregnant with Another Man

wondermother · #1 03-11-2009, 09:56 AM

My question involves paternity law for the State of: MA

My husband and I were seperated, and I became pregnant by another man. My husband and I are now reconciling, and working things out. The other man tried to convince me to have an abortion, and even tried to blackmale me into it. My husband and I do not want this guy to have anything to do with us or the baby.

There is no proof that we were ever seperated, as it was not a legal seperation, he simply moved out for a few months. From what I understand, legally my husband is the father of this child, even though he is not the bio father. Is this true?

cyjeff · #2 03-11-2009, 10:02 AM

Quoting wondermother

My question involves paternity law for the State of: MA

My husband and I were seperated, and I became pregnant by another man. My husband and I are now reconciling, and working things out. The other man tried to convince me to have an abortion, and even tried to blackmale me into it. My husband and I do not want this guy to have anything to do with us or the baby.

To put it bluntly, then you shouldn't have had sex with him.

Quote:

There is no proof that we were ever seperated, as it was not a legal seperation, he simply moved out for a few months. From what I understand, legally my husband is the father of this child, even though he is not the bio father. Is this true?

Yes... and no.

Your husband will be the presumed legal father of the child. HOWEVER, the true father of the child MAY file for paternity, force a court ordered DNA test and begin the process to obtain visitation.

The father of the child DOES have rights to that child once paternity has been established in a court of law.

Whether or not the father will try to exercise those rights we cannot predict.

wondermother · #3 03-11-2009, 10:11 AM

Thank you for your quick response. I will admit fully that having sex with that man was a mistake, and I did get myself into quit the sticky situation. However, it's a little too late to take it all back, I am only human.

If I do allow the biological father to see his child and don't put up a fight as far as his rights go, can I still have the child's last name be the same as mine and my husbands?

My husband and I do already have one child together, and plan on having one more in the future. I believe it would be in the child's best interest to have the same last name as it's siblings, especially where as it would be the middle child, and living with us majority of the time.

Also, would the biological father have to pay child support if he is getting visitation rights?

LawResearcherMissy · #4 03-11-2009, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Also, would the biological father have to pay child support if he is getting visitation rights?

Visitation and support are two separate things. One may exist without the other.

If you want support, you'll need to pursue it through the courts after paternity is legally established.

wondermother · #5 03-13-2009, 06:57 AM

This may seem like a stupid question, but can the baby have my and my husbands last name?

Neal1421 · #6 03-13-2009, 07:32 AM

Yes and no. You can name the child whatever you wish at the time of birth, however if the other guy establishes paternity and petitions the court for a name change in a reasonable amount of time, the judge may order a name change.

cyjeff · #7 03-13-2009, 07:35 AM

Another point.

Until a court orders you to do so, you have no obligation to allow the other person to have any time with the child.

If you think he is going to pursue paternity, I recommend you let him have very limited exposure to the child... just so it doesn't look like you are trying to hide the child from him.

Paternity is typically established after birth via a DNA test. Relax until then.

wondermother · #8 03-16-2009, 07:13 AM

I have actually been fairly good at calling him after my dr. appts. He doesn't seem to really care all that much, I am not even sure if he is actually going to fight this. I think it was more just a threat.

My husband is a little annoyed because he feels that the other guy should have to give me child support or something. This guy already has a daughter with another woman, and recently I have found out that he has gotten a number of other women pregnant, but convinced them to have abortions...

However, my husband is willing to take the responsibility, he just thinks it is unfair that this other guy just goes around and gets away with this stuff.

cyjeff · #9 03-16-2009, 07:50 AM

Quoting wondermother

I have actually been fairly good at calling him after my dr. appts. He doesn't seem to really care all that much, I am not even sure if he is actually going to fight this. I think it was more just a threat.

My husband is a little annoyed because he feels that the other guy should have to give me child support or something. This guy already has a daughter with another woman, and recently I have found out that he has gotten a number of other women pregnant, but convinced them to have abortions...

However, my husband is willing to take the responsibility, he just thinks it is unfair that this other guy just goes around and gets away with this stuff.

You and your husband, then, have a decision or two to make.

Your husband can petition to dissolve HIS paternity to the child and you can, via the courts, insist that the father submit to a DNA test and positive paternity be established.

After paternity is established, the father can then be pursued for child support.

However, this also means that your husband is a legal stranger to the child. This means that he no longer has the right to make any decisions in the child's care... such as school, medical and the like. Those are decisions of the parents of the child and he isn't one of them.

Further, it also means that you and the father now have a several decade bond... not to mention that he can and should petition for visitation.

On a personal note, I have never found a child to suffer from having more people in their lives that love and cherish them. I also have a strong belief that children should never be lied to about their heritage.... it ALWAYS comes back up later and there are always some hurt feelings surrounding it.

It also means, of course, that you have to get used to the idea that junior will know that you were catting around on your husband during your marriage, so a visit or two to a counselor to help you frame that message in age appropriate ways is very helpful.