If My Wife Has a Child from Another Guy During Our Marriage, Who Gets What

[dochoss]

My question involves paternity law for the State of: Ohio

For the past year I have been deployed in Iraq and as the story goes with most soldiers my wife has cheated on me and is pregnant with another guys kid....whats the angles? Seeing as how I am in the military I wont be living in the state of Ohio for long in fact as of March I will live in Texas and in July it will be Kentucky. My wife will be staying in Ohio until I get to Kentucky in which time she will have the kid. She has stated that when she has it she isnt going to call me or let me know and she is going to put the other guys last name on the birth certificate,,,,can she do that??? Not some much as not calling I know that is allowed but can she really put his name on the birth certificate while being married to me without a DNA test to prove paternity? Even further more after she has the kid she will be moving with me because she is due at the end of June and by July I will be in Kentucky which is when she will be moving with me,,,,whats going to happen with child visitation if this guy sticks around and wants to see the child? Do I have to make the 8 hour drive to Ohio just so he can see the kid? As if its not hard enough that I have to beg her to stay with me, but now I have to deal with all these questions. I am in the military as stated before so I really cant afford a civilian counsel and JAG is more for things that effect your military carreer so im kind of relying on some feedback here to settle the questions,,,,,PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

[LawResearcherMissy]

What do you mean by "what's the angles"?

In Ohio, if a woman is married at the time of birth or at any time during the 300 days prior to birth, the husband is considered to be the legal father of the child. The hospital may not put the "real"/biological father's name on the birth certificate.

http://www.oh-paternity.com/faqs.htm#igad

So, no, she doesn't get to put her paramour's name on the birth certificate. Legally, the child is yours. He'll be forced to pursue paternity through the courts via a contested paternity action.

Visitation would also need to be pursued through the courts once paternity is established, and it is unlikely that the burden of allowing him to see the child would fall solely to you.

[dochoss]

Thank you for the info,,,,,one more thing that just happened. He recently found out that she was going to be moving to Kentucky with me and told her that he didnt want his kid going, so he typed up a note that stated that he could have the child. Seeing as how it is legally not his child yet and the fact that it wasnt a legal contract that paper doesnt mean anything right???

What do you mean by "what's the angles"?



So, no, she doesn't get to put her paramour's name on the birth certificate. Legally, the child is yours. He'll be forced to pursue paternity through the courts via a contested paternity action.

Visitation would also need to be pursued through the courts once paternity is established, and it is unlikely that the burden of allowing him to see the child would fall solely to you.

[LawResearcherMissy]

Seeing as how it is legally not his child yet and the fact that it wasnt a legal contract that paper doesnt mean anything right???

Correct.

He can type up reams and reams and reams of notes, and they're worth about as much as a roll of Charmin.

Legally, he is NOBODY to that child. He's a legal stranger, and doesn't get to make ANY decisions about the child at all until paternity is legally established through the courts.

Until then? The law says that baby is yours.

[dochoss]

So does that mean it could be a problem if we go to court and they find out it is his kid or does it still mean nothing due to the fact its just a piece of paper that he typed up

Thank you for the info,,,,,one more thing that just happened. He recently found out that she was going to be moving to Kentucky with me and told her that he didnt want his kid going, so he typed up a note that stated that he could have the child. Seeing as how it is legally not his child yet and the fact that it wasnt a legal contract that paper doesnt mean anything right???

[LawResearcherMissy]

Still means nothing. Zip. Nada. Bupkiss.

He is a stranger to the child and has absolutely no decision making powers at all.

He can tell the court "I'm the Daddy!" all he wants, but until it's legally established through DNA testing and court order, he is NO ONE.

[surprisedstepmom]

There are a couple of things that haven't been pointed out which you need to consider:

1. Any litigation to do with the child occurs in the home state of the child, not you, so you need to be familiar with the laws of the state in which the child lives and find out how long they have to live there to be in that jurisdiction.

2. If the child is born during your marriage, you will automatically be considered the legal father unless you, the mother, or the biological father file a paternity action to establish the bio father as the legal father, too. This means that if you file for divorce, which while you may not want to consider it is a good possibility considering she has already been unfaithful to you, you will be responsible for paying child support until the child is 18 years old. The court does not regulate how the mother spends that money, so you'll be funding her in whatever way she sees fit. Are you sure you want to put yourself in that position with a woman who has already disregarded your feelings and your trust? Also, you can't change your mind about this years later just to avoid paying support. Once the child knows you as daddy, you're morally, financially and legally committed to being daddy.

3. I'm amazed at how many people on these forums want to establish or disestablish paternity only mention what they want or deserve. You should really consider the child. Regardless of what you want or what the mother wants, this child will be genetically similar to it's biological father, and it deserves to know who he or she is based on where he or she came from biologically. Period. This child will have things in common with it's biological father and his family and you should consider that the child deserves to establish a bond with him and with them. At the very least, if you decide to overlook this reality and raise the child as your own, make sure that you raise the child in truth, knowing that you are the legal father but not the biological father. You will do far more psychological damage by lying to the child for years, and one day the truth will come out, trust me. It hurts the innocent ones the most when that happens.

Not to mention, knowingly falsifying the child's birth certificate is fraud, paternity fraud to be exact. I'm not sure of the consequences of committing fraud when in the military, but you should weigh that in regards to your career, as well. Its probably considered dishonorable, mainly because it is from an ethical and moral standpoint.

Best wishes to you and especially to this poor child that is caught in the middle before ever having entered the world. Keep the child's best interests at heart, and bear in mind that honesty is the best way to avoid catastrophe.

[distressedmom]

I agree with the prior post. If you scan this website you will see lots of posts where the mother put the wrong person's name on the birth certificate and wants to undo it down the road. Before you agree to anything it would be helpful if you spoke to a lawyer so you understand what you are signing up for.

If you agree to be on the birth certificate, you are saying that child is yoiurs... period. If you guys split down the line you will be liable for child support until that child is at least 18.

Bio dad is off the hook paying any support. Even if dna tests are done 5 years from now and prove he's the father.

What if she cheats again and gets pregnant? How many times are you going to let this happen? You may want to consider divorce and completing a denial of paternity. She has the option to go after bio-dad for support through her local child support office.

[bobj123]

If I was you I would run, not walk, to an attorney's office. You should prove that this child isn't yours, and then you should get away from her as quick as you can. She cheated on you while you were deployed in a war zone, what makes you think she won't do it while you're away at work during the day? I'm sure that you have reasons to try to make it work, but just ask yourself this, "can I ever trust her again"?

Think about this scenario for just a second. She could decide to dump you and go live with the father of the child, and all the while you would be on the hook to pay support for their kid. And while I don't know you or her, it wouldn't surprise me based on the things she's already done and said. Just protect yourself above all else.

[Concerned1]

This happened to my son, although he was not in the military. He and his wife had two children already, then they decided to split up. While they were separated, my son's wife became pregnant by another man.

She did not tell my son about her pregnancy. She then convinced my son that they should get back together. A few months later, she disappeared for a day. When she returned, she said she had gone to a friend's house.

A day after that, she began crying hysterically, broke down, and told my son what she had done...she had actually been in the hospital, given birth, and had signed over the child for adoption...but she wanted the baby back. She threw such a fit, and cried so piteously, my son went with her to get the baby.

And, yes, this woman was 9 months pregnant and you could NOT tell. She had two other children, and no one could tell she was pregnant either time!!!

My son had two children with this woman, so he decided he would try to make the relationship work for the benefit of the children, including this new innocent child. He took this child on as his own, as the biodad refused to.

Less than one year later, my son's wife decided to leave and get a divorce. My son is now strapped with child support for this child that was not his. But, by that time, he had established a relationship with the child, and has raised her as his own. The child has no idea that my son is not her biodad, and no one is telling her. No one wants to hurt this little angel. I am not her biograndma, but I AM her grandma, and I love her as much as any grandma would love a child. And my son loves his daughter as his own.

Blood does NOT a father make...

The lesson learned is: if your wife comes home pregnant with another's man's baby (in my son's case, when he finally found out!), make sure you force the biodad into a paternity DNA test...make sure you are willing to take this child on as your own.....because you will be paying child support for this child until they are 18 if you stay with your wife and take the child as your own.

But really be aware of this: This child is innocent. This child deserves a loving home with loving parents. Make sure you can provide this for the child before taking the responsibility as a parent. It doesn't take long for a child to bond and this child will know YOU as her daddy.

Don't break the child's heart because she is entrapped in adult dramas.