Unlawful Eviction from Boyfriend's Home

[vneider]

My question involves civil rights in the State of: California.

My boyfriend and I moved in together with the understanding that I would quit my only steady job and stay at home and take care of our two girls. I would pay the utilities, he would pay the rent. Six weeks after my daughter and I moved into his house, and after I quit my job he came home one day and acted competely irrational (due to work problems I guess). He literally told us to leave (for no reason) and we left. Not to return. He put all of our stuff in storage without our permission that night. We were left homeless (no family around)and I was jobless because of his promises that he would take care of us. I had to get storages for our things and go live with friends. What recourse do I have in small claims court - I want to go for the storage fees, the rent on our new place and emotional stress. Can I do this since I know I can prove that we did have a verbal agreement.

[aardvarc]

The problem with playing house without the legal protections of marriage is that once one party decides that they are done playing, the other side often finds themselves in positions such as you are facing now. You can certainly bring a wrongful eviction lawsuit, and attempt to sue for damges including storage fees. Make sure to bring copies of all payments you've made, to show a history that supports what items you agreed to pay.

Why on earth simply up and leave in the middle of the night with your children to become homeless just because he said so? Did the word "no" come to mind? Was there some threat of violence? (If so, were police called? Why not?)

Unfortunately, promises to take care of someone are easily broken, difficult to prove, and even harder to enforce. Society uses the legal process of marriage to recognize such promises, but it requires that the parties who want those protections to actually go through the process. At it's most fundamental LEGAL level, marriage serves as a binding legal contract between parties which establishes at least some minimal level of both rights and responsibilities, and one that the courts have at least some power to ENFORCE on behalf of both sides.

In the bigger picture, and not necessarily related to your particular situation..let's say just for the sake of arguement that this blowup didn't happen until 10 years down the road. Do you realize that during those 10 years of being an UNWED stay at home mom (and generating no employment history), that you would have NOT been paying into social security (while he would have - and unlike a married woman, you have no access to his social security later in your life via HIS working history), that you'd have not been eligible for many types of benefits if he, as the sole breadwinner, would have been injured, disabled, or deceased, and that, as you are finding out now, the process of divorce wouldn't be available to you; so things like partial value of his pension or retirement plans, and even alimoney wouldn't be accessible to you in most states. There's also a whole world of issues involving your personal credit that can come into play - where you either have a huge debt load, or, you end up with little to no credit at all (which really ends up sucking when things turn south. In other words, YOU (and by association, your children) end up on the financial short end of the stick just about all the way around. There's a REASON that single moms have a reputation for being poor - especially in later life - even those who have been living with a "Mr. Wonderful" for years.

It goes without saying that statistically, the number one reason that women in particular stay in unbalanced, unhealthy, or even abusive relationships is because they wake up one day and realize that they have put their entire lives into the hands of some other person who either has total control over their financial lives and/or, has NO financial or legal obligation to them. Such a situation is a real bear to dig out of once you're in it; the best defense against it is a good offense right up front. If you're going to live with someone, and they not willing to provide you the legal protections of marriage, OR, willing to take the more cumbersome approach of working to build layers of protection with you; that needs to be sounding a massive alarm in your head.

If you really want to act like a married couple and enjoy similar benefits, things like life insurance, health insurance (for you and the kids), wills, joint tenancy on investments, power of attorney for healthcare, and other "protective" positionings need to be addressed. Sort of like the same struggles that gay/lesbian couples face; having to "get as close as possible" to the protections available via marriage (even though it's impossible to cover ALL of the bases). Otherwise, you're at about the same level legally as a maid working under the table, and at the times when you need protections the most.

If you manage to get any cash out of him over this breakup to compensate for any of your expenses, do yourself and your kids a favor, and educate yourself about the risks and pitfalls of living under such arrangements before getting into a similar situation again. Decisions made when "in love" can severely hurt you in lots of ways in the long run unless you've done your homework and the two persons involved work together to build security for BOTH sides (not just the breadwinner). Your future, and your kid's future is way too important to just dump it all trustingly into the hands of some other person over whom you have NO control AND who has little or no accountability or legal responsibility to you.

Some good cheap books on the topic, with tips to help protect your family are:

Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples

or


Money Without Matrimony: The Unmarried Couple's Guide to Financial Security


Has paternity already been established? Child support?