Taking away a sibling's custody

[billd]

In the span of a few years, my sister has married 3 times and had 2 kids by two different men. She moves frequently and she is very self-centered. She has stolen identities of family members as well as some jewelry. Her only concerns are getting drunk and taking advantage of people. In the meantime, her kids are suffering. She has made it known that the only reason she wants the kids is for the state aid. The oldest, now 6, flunked Kindergarten. He now is living with my mother which has been a much more stable environment. My wife and I have been providing clothing, toys, and food since my mother is not financially well-off. Having seen the improvement in the oldest kid, my mom and I have been pressuring my sister to do the same for the 4 year old (who by the way still isn't potty-trained and has the mouth of a sailor). In response, my sister is holding the 6-year-old ransom by making my mother pay off some of her debt in order for my mother to keep him. However, I'm afraid I've pushed too far. She is now going to take him back and even worse is going to throw away everything that has been provided to him (books, toys, clothes, etc.). What complicates this story is I live in Ohio, my mother (along with the 6 year-old) live in Virginia, and my sister is either in California or Missouri. What are my options? I'm giving up on my sister but I don't want to give up on her kids.

[ceara]

Report her to the child protective services office in the state she is living in. (The actual name varies from state to state.) If she truely is being neglectful and/or abusive to the children, the state can intervine. Make sure you tell them when you file the report what your relationship to the children is and that in the event they were to remove the children from the home, you would like to be notified so that arrangments can be made for the children to remain with family members and not put in to the state system. States like to keep the children with family. Not only is it better for the child, it doesn't cost the state as much. IF they did remove the children, the state would make every effort to allow the mother to straighten up and get her children back, but it will require an actual EFFORT on her part. If the state found that she was not making an effort to regain custody of the kids by following the court's orders (usually things like rehab, parenting and anger management classes, job training, ect.) the state can terminate her parental rights and you or your mother would be free to file for adoption of the children.

The judge would probably look at you adopting the children more favorably then your mother (your younger, it would be a 2 parent household and you are better off financially). They also prefer to keep the siblings together whenever possible.

Another possibilty would be to petition the court for custody directly. This would be much more expensive and difficult. It would be up to YOU to prove mom's unfit as opposed to the STATE finding her unfit.

One other thing you'll need to keep in mind is the father(s) of the kids. They would have custodial rights over you. If the state is involved however, they will probably want to know why they allowed the children to stay with an unfit mother. To adopt the children you would either need their permission or the state would have to terminate their rights also.