Child Support - Harassment Via the Legal System in Virginia

[iienvyme]

My question involves child support in the State of: Virginia
Ok I could seriously write a book about all the dealings and problems me and my fiance have with his son's mother (who he has joint custody of his 6 year old son with). To sum it up since his son was born October 2002 to present, the mother has taken him to court 10 times or more...anywhere from false alligations of not paying child support (which on the 3rd attempt that could of put my fiance in jail, the judge called her out and made her come to the front long in on the computer he had there to her bank account and right there it showed the child support funds she claimed he never gave her) to claiming he isn't following court orders for visitation (because within 5 months he couldn't get his son 2 different weekends, which he asked when telling her this if he could get him the following 2 weekends in a row to make up..which was a big no, to claiming she felt (even though my fiance only get's his son 4 times a month, every other weekend Friday evening to Sunday evening) that the child had behavior problems because of the father (never could it be because the mother he had and was with 26 days out of the month was crazy, unstable, moved 4 times with 5 years, had been engaged 3 times within 4 years, and made up lies about the father and pretty much brainwashing the child to believe certain things that never took place) but took him back saying the child had problems and that she felt that he needed to have his visitation privledges revoked or made supervised only, took him back for more money a few times...
then 1 time he tried to take her to court for reduction of child support (mind you she had been lying for over a year, the child was in all day headstart, which was free and she was making out like he was still in childcare all day) and also alienation of child (he would call and she wouldn't answer the phone, would answer and say the child didn't want to talk to him or had better things to do than talk to him (mind you he's 5 what 5 yr. old boy wants to talk on the over playing his video games (which is another story or way of her entertaining him) well when she got served with the papers for that she turned around and filed a charge to child support increased because she said "cost of living" so guess what he got served with her papers and on it, they noted that his court date (that he had waited 3 months for) was cancelled and replaced with her court hearing for the child support increase pushing it back another month until even that case (but hello he was taking her back to court for a reduction, you'd think at that time if she felt like she needed more then she'd bring her evidence to court for that case and the judge would make his call increase, decrease stay the same..) but nope they totally cancel out his case and replace it with hers...then the most recent..his child support includes him paying for the fact that his son is on the mother's health insurance, the original papers read that he as the father is responsible for 50% of all major medical...well she takes him back to court and somehow...not sure how this happened when that's not how the papers read it clearly states what he pays for child support and then regarding extra that he might owe, it says "50% of major medical) well she takes him back and now says he's suppose to pay 1/2 of all medical/prescription co-pay or balances (like she's a hypochondriac, child comes to the house with a bag of medication, which he doesn't need and of course the mother never wants to provide the father with any info like that for him to take his son for 2nd opinion) but now every time we pick him up she has some $400.00 bill that he has to pay (per the new court order 50%) within 30 days of when she gives this to him (because again she's a hyprochondriac and she takes the child to the ER at least 5 times a year if not more than that, because it's after hours, weekend and the DR is closed)...ok so after reading all that we are looking for a way to put all this to an end...not only is she using the legal system to harass/bully my fiance but she is also a mother that is using child support as her means to live (in other words...child or no child, when you are almost 30 yrs. old you need to be able to support for you to live on your own; apartment, bills for that apartment and what not) she purposely works making just enough, in other words on her salary if she did not have a child she could not live where she is living, drive what she drives (meaning, my fiances cost of living housing, transportation is not factored in to the equation) but yet he was forced to not be able to obtain another vehicle when his broke down because he pays soo much in child support that he didn't make enough to purchase another one on his own, if he had to rent an apartment on his own he'd not qualify because based on his income and what he pays in child support he'd not make enough..but yet she makes less than he does, lives in a 3 bd townhouse, and can afford to have 2 cars, 2 cellphones) so without that child support she gets every month by no means could she rent where she does (I'd say she couldn't even afford to live on her own at all) and she'd definitely not be able to afford to have 2 cars, one for her to drive and then since her 40 yr. old boyfriend that is trash also doesn't have a car that he has one to drive while she's at work)...so this all needs to come to an end..is there any way that regarding child support that a cap can be put on, so my fiance doesn't have to worry about trying to make a better life for himself (which then in return makes a better life for his son) and her being jealous and money hungry and lazy and being worried that every time we do better in life she wants a piece of it and at this point has been able to obtain it..and also is there a way to put an end to her being able to just go into court whenever she does't get her way or even just feels like it taking him back to court for something stupid (even if it's thrown out, even if she does't win..that's still costing us a whole day's pay for him and $50.00 in gas to get to and from court)..when it was a 10 min. drive for her and after court is over she goes back to work..Hell just for my fiance to file those charges that 1 time (that of course the court replaced with her counter claim...as if he never filed anything) he had to take the day off to do that...all the court and his son is in culpeper and my fiance works in Loudon Co....we seriously need help, everyone says we need to get an attorney but with everything we are paying and just the cost of living these days we can't afford it...HELP...(mind you by no means am I a woman with a fiance that has a child by another woman and is mad and doesn't want him to be a good father or have positive/civil relationship with his child's mother...I am soo opposite, I view all of this as a way for me to be able to see what kind of father (positive and negative) that he would be for a child we might have in the future. I think and have said to them both a million times..it's not about any of us, it's about the child you all share and no matter what you all do to one another or say to one another the one that suffers is your child (and trust me this is all coming to play with him starting kindergarten this year he has been in ISS already 3 times, he seriously has emotional problems..which doesn't surprise me with how his mother acts, her lies and just the emotional roller coaster she is the few times a month I have to deal with her face to face, I can't imagine what it's like for a child to deal with that daily...) I could go on forever about different problems, things I've noticed regarding his behavior, and even me having to files charges against her for harassment (which she was put on probation for 6 months to make sure there were no more issues and if she complied with the order then the charges were dropped)...but as you can see we need help, we aren't getting it with the Culpeper Court District, can't afford an attorney..and changes need to be made not only for our own sanity but also for the future of this child (because he picks up and knows about all of this, because she talks to him like he's an adult or like any of this any business of a 6 year old)...HELP!

[iienvyme]

I am not sure if I set this up correctly because I see people have read this but am not seeing anyone posting any advice from similiar experiences or even from someone maybe being in the legal field in Virginia or someone that knows first hand family law/child support laws in Va..I know laws very per state and VA is one of those states where if you are a mother, soon to be single mother it's one of those states you are greatful to be in...but also one of those states where because soo many Sorry Ass fathers have set the path for the system to be as it is today...that it's very hard for decent fathers (that aren't equipity financially to go to battle) to be taken seriously or even be treated as an equal...I have seen first hand how the legal system tends to automatically give custody to the mother without question and as soon as you find yourself in court they automatically are siding with the mother not even looking to waste time hearing out the father's at all...this isn't right and honestly like I mentioned after seeing this (not really believing the system could be this way) but seen it first hand from all my dealings with this situation, I feel sorry for those fathers that really are trying and can really see how at some point they almost feel like giving up because it's almost like these BAD MOTHERS (cause that's what you'd have to be when you are only looking at $$ signs opposed to only being concerned that all your childs needs are at best interest and other than that realize it is no longer about when as a couple you all split, but these woman know in VA they have these men sorry to word it this way but it's true by the balls...and it's next to impossible unless you get lucky or have money for an attorney to win against some of these psychotic mothers with full custody)...so again not sure if I have set this up correctly for people to post comments to help me out, give advice or contact me in any way...I hope I did it right cause we need advice bad and FAST! just this week she again has threatned to take him back to court she wants more money or her words..if he doesn't pay then I'll take him to court and he might go to jail for not paying!!!! not paying for something he wasn't ordered to pay in the first place, but sad to say every time she takes him to court for shit like this even though it wasn't in the first order, the judge amends the order to read in her favor...you'd think with all these favors she's doing some favors on the side herself....HELP!

[iienvyme]

In the state of Virginia how can my fiance put a stop to his son's mother using the legal system to harass/bully him (I think she is bipolar, so depending on her mood or her not getting the answer she wants he comes home to find he's being served to go back to court). Is there a way (especially since the child is in school all day) that a cap can be put on so every little chance she gets to try and get an increase that will not be allowed (besides obvious matters that are his responsibility as the father) (not her cost of living because she chose to move yet again or because her and her boyfriend broke up AGAIN(that she won't admit to the courts lives there, which means my fiance is also paying for him aswell ) actually for any little reason she thinks she can get more money..back to court she goes. I knew I was writing a book, but there is just soo much that has taken place that she is being allowed to get away with and soo much that is taking place where my fiance is being screwed and pretty much we are being told unless you have money to get an attorney "bend over and take it".

[525601minutes]

Is this right - You are going to marry a man and want to know how often the mother of his child is allowed to take him to court for child support adjustments in VA?

[525601minutes]

If that IS what you wanted to know... the mother or father of the child can ask the Court to modify support in VA if/when there is a substantial change in circumstances. The change must alter the support payment by at least $25 and 10%.

[mmmagique]

You can also request the judge find her in contempt when you/he proves she is lying to the court. (courts do not like that.)

If she takes him to court under something your state child support laws do not support (and usually there is a limit of some sort) you can ask that the case be dismissed because of that.


(and yes, paragraphs are your friend...you will get many more answers if you make it easier for people to read your inquiry.

Good luck,

[shafted1967]

You are lucky you have not married into this yet
the ex will never go away
she will take him to court as often as she pleases
you will not have money left to have your own life
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN

[iienvyme]

As for the question "am I going to marry a man and want to know how often the mother of his child can take him to court for child support adjustment (or really it’s taking him to court for anything whenever she gets pissed off)" the answer is YES.
The mother of a child or father of a child doesn't matter, what matters is that as the mother or father the child's best interest should be at heart and you shouldn't view your child as a form of means for you to financially suck someone dry or because things didn’t work out and they have moved on (and let’s see we are talking about being moved on by 4 years).

If as parents you all did not separate and/or part ways as a mother/father you'd want you both to financially do well in life (unless you are just lucky like that and have money where only 1 parent needs to work, which obviously doesn’t apply to most of the world). Which means when you all were together having that frame of mind means you acknowledged that financially if your child's mother or father does well this means a better future for your family.
But as soon as the parents separate that frame of mind goes out the window for SOME, and they now view it as they only want the parent (paying child support) to financially do better, only because that means more child support that they receive.
There are a lot of people that receive child support that are receiving way more than needed and are using this extra money to pay for their own personal lives as well..it's not alimony (especially when in my case the parents of the child were never married, they were only together for 2 years and that included 2 months before pregnancy, during and then after trying to make it work for their child's best interest). So that is my issue, why should she be allowed to take him to court every little chance she gets for every little thing purely because she is a miserable (well you figure this one out) and in her eyes she wants him to be miserable.

To be a good parent means a lot of things but it also means that as a parent, the better you do in life and the happier you are in life not only makes you a better person but also a better parent...so tell me what kind of good parent truly doesn't wish the other parent to do better in life so their child (not themselves) benefits from that...a bad parent that's what kind!

[monkeylady]

FYI
P.A.S. (parental alienation syndrome) IS a form of Child ABUSE - file a motion with the Court to have a GAL (guardian ad litem) assigned ASAP - they represent "the child" in Court

[CourtClerk]

Because Monkeylady is not an attorney, she obviously doesn't know that PAS is not recognized by the courts, and therefore, has not been recognized as a form of child abuse.