Infant Visitation with Unstable Military Father

[stuckinthemiddle]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Louisiana
My daughter is 7 months old. Her father is a green beret stationed in North Carolina. We live in Louisiana. We moved from North Carolina after he asked us to leave and go home (my family is from Louisiana). I have encouraged his relationship and his families' relationship with this child from the beginning, sending them 3D ultrasound pictures, letting him and his family know where the birth would be and the date of the birth and offering to help in any way I could. They did not respond, and after 7 months of begging, he has finally found time to meet his daughter. He was stationed in La. for 31 days, and although he was only 1 hour from us, he only came down to see her 3 times during his entire stay, despite the fact that I offered him the use of my home (without me there) any time he needed it to visit with her. I supplied all the baby supplies (including a camo diaper bag) and allowed him to take her overnight (which I now think was a bad decision). He returned her early during each visit, but wants to work out a set visitaiton schedule, which I'm fine with, except taht he wants her to live with him a month, then me a month. Not only is this impracticle seeing as we live 1000 miles apart, but to date he has shown no interest in her and has returned her early during his visits. What is a more reasonable visitation schedule for an infant that would be best for her and how are courts ruling these days with regard to infant visitation when parents live far apart? We go to a counselor this FRiday, but my ex is very difficult to talk to and says he hates me very much, so he doesn not call to check on her or communicate with me very well regarding her. I don't know what to do. I want to stay out of court if possible and work out something fair and reasonable, but I don't know what to even propose (we have already entered a stipulated agreement regarding support and custody (joint) with reasonable visitation). Any advice?

[cyjeff]

Plan on going to court.

Has he been established, legally, as the father?

Until then, no more visitations.

File for paternity and for child support.

[stuckinthemiddle]

Thank you very much for the reply. We were married, in fact, we are technically still married until October, when the divorce will be finalized, so he is legally the father, and I happen to know that he is the biological father because I never cheated on him. We did establish a child support amount, although I am not making him pay the guideline amount. I figured he would be more willing to pay if it was an amount he agreed with, and not many men want to pay what the courts order, so I took off 150.00 a month and he pays well. Not on time, but I have thus far gotten it by the end of a month. I just don't even know what to propose since he seems to be pretty unreasonable. It doesn't make sense to me that a man who doesn't have time to see his daughter wants her a month on and a month off. It makes no sense, so I don't even know how to reply.

[Bri888]

Dear Stuck...

I am in a similar situation, yet a bit opposite. The (Unstable Military) mother of my child has made it difficult for me to see my child. She wants full child support which is basically 100% of the cost of raising the child (well over $1000 a month), and also wants to keep me from having time with her.

I proposed a plan where I would develop a relationship with her over the next 5 months and then try to lead up to 50/50 custody every other month (maybe a week at first, then two weeks for a while and then every other month). With the cost of Child Support + Transportation it is the only solution that allows me to have a relationship with my daughter and still afford to live. While I definitely agree with you that 7 mo's may be a bit too early to start exchanging every month, perhaps be open to the idea of it when she gets older.

I know how hard it can be to deal with an unstable person. You are lucky you are the mother and have custody. I would do anything to be able to have a relationship with my child, but it is so difficult when the other parent is uncooperative and unrealistic.

I admire that you want your child's father to be a part of his/her life. I only wish I had someone like that.

Bri