[volhooker]

My question involves paternity law for the State of: Tennessee

A friend has been approached about being the father of this woman's baby. According to the friend, they had sex 3 times in April and used protection each time ( but he knows that isn't 100% effective). When she approached him, she supposedly was 10 weeks pregnant, but the ultrasound showed a baby that to me looked to be at least 20-22 weeks. She is a nurse and has access to ultrasound pictures. Her name was in different type and crooked on the ultrasound.

She also is 40 and from all doctors I have heard, must go to a high-risk specialist. She has said that the doctor hasn't mentioned high-risk to her and once my friend said he would not marry her, but he would take care of the baby and be a good daddy to it, she has almost cut off conversation.

He has asked many times when the next doctor's appointment is so he can go and ask questions. She just says she doesn't know. She also went and told his family after he asked not to so he could tell them himself.

All of this sounds like a ploy to me to trick him into marrying her. I think she thought if she told him and his family that she was pregnant, they would force him to marry her (he's 26). What is his best course of action here?

Do nothing! Until child is born then seek court ordered paternity test

[volhooker]

Can he not get a court ordered paternity test now? Or is it best to wait?

Also, (this may not be the forum for this question) should he take some kind of action if this turns out to be a complete lie after all of the stress and hurt caused by this situation?

[cyjeff]

There is no paternity to prove until the baby is born. Until that time, he should not provide any monies to the mother. If he feels he should be doing SOMETHING, have him put an appropriate amount in a savings account that he can draw from after the court orders him to do so.

As for the second point, what monetary damages has he suffered as a result of this incident?

[volhooker]

In high risk mothers (when age is a concern) they must do an amniocentesis (SP?) and they can check for paternity at that point. He asked an OB/GYN about that. She told him that they have to do that from time-to-time.

He has not had any money issues, but he believes she has slandered him and his family because of the (potential) lies she has told. His aunt saw last week in the grocery store and said she doesn't look pregnant at all. Yet, his grandmother will not speak to him, because she believes he should marry her and "do right" by her. The (potential) mother is the one who told his grandparents without his consent. He didn't want to tell them for awhile because he was afraid of the health problems they have being aggravated by the stress from this situation. She has also told people at his work and it is making him look really bad.

[cyjeff]

In high risk mothers (when age is a concern) they must do an amniocentesis (SP?) and they can check for paternity at that point. He asked an OB/GYN about that. She told him that they have to do that from time-to-time.

The Amnio is not a must do procedure. It is done to determine if the child has any number of issues including Down's Syndrome.

When my wife was pregnant last, the doctor wanted to do one. Since there was a very small chance of injury to the child (something like 5%) and because we wouldn't have changed our plans regardless of the outcome, we decided against it.

Paternity, from a legal standpoint, is done after birth.

He has not had any money issues, but he believes she has slandered him and his family because of the (potential) lies she has told.

I wasn't being cute.

If you want to sue someone, you sue them for a monetary amount that is necessary to make the victim "whole".

His aunt saw last week in the grocery store and said she doesn't look pregnant at all. Yet, his grandmother will not speak to him, because she believes he should marry her and "do right" by her. The (potential) mother is the one who told his grandparents without his consent. He didn't want to tell them for awhile because he was afraid of the health problems they have being aggravated by the stress from this situation. She has also told people at his work and it is making him look really bad.

There is nothing really to be done short of having a lawyer draft a cease and desist letter. But it will be a paper tiger.

However, he DID sleep with her... she COULD be pregnant and, as far as the rest of us know, she is telling the truth. The fact that the doctors YOU have talked to think she isn't doing something correctly means absolutely nothing. Unless you have talked to HER doctor about HER situation and he was willing to violate HIPAA guidelines to give you confidential information, you really don't know diddly.

It isn't slander if it is the truth. This falls under the "if you didn't want to be saddled with the woman, you shouldn't have had sex with her" category.

[cyjeff]

I do want to add something here.

This is a stressful time. You running around gathering information and playing "CSI" with the sonogram really doesn't help your "friend's" situation.

This is a matter between them. If this does go to court, your actions will not be looked upon kindly.

[volhooker]

This is a stressful time. You running around gathering information and playing "CSI" with the sonogram really doesn't help your "friend's" situation.

This is a matter between them. If this does go to court, your actions will not be looked upon kindly.

What I know...I know because he has told me...not because I am running around playing anything.

The Amnio is not a must do procedure. It is done to determine if the child has any number of issues including Down's Syndrome.

When my wife was pregnant last, the doctor wanted to do one. Since there was a very small chance of injury to the child (something like 5%) and because we wouldn't have changed our plans regardless of the outcome, we decided against it.

My wife and I chose against it as well with all three of our children, but she did tell us that if we have another one we will have to have the Amnio done because my wife will be over 35 and her doctor said that women over 35 are required to have one.

If you want to sue someone, you sue them for a monetary amount that is necessary to make the victim "whole".

I think his being whole is coming from the stress that his whole family is going through and the fact that now people are talking about it at his work.

However, he DID sleep with her... she COULD be pregnant and, as far as the rest of us know, she is telling the truth. The fact that the doctors YOU have talked to think she isn't doing something correctly means absolutely nothing. Unless you have talked to HER doctor about HER situation and he was willing to violate HIPAA guidelines to give you confidential information, you really don't know diddly.

It isn't slander if it is the truth. This falls under the "if you didn't want to be saddled with the woman, you shouldn't have had sex with her" category.

I completely agree and I told him that he knew what he was doing and the possible consequences of his actions. He must now live with them if she is in fact pregnant. He knew that I had read (not posted or replied) some advice from this site before on other issues and he asked me to get on here and see what I could determine, so I am doing that for him. The biggest problem here is that everything she is telling him makes this seem as if she was trying to trap him into marriage.

[cyjeff]

What I know...I know because he has told me...not because I am running around playing anything.

You are asking doctors and examining evidence. This ain't "Matlock".

My wife and I chose against it as well with all three of our children, but she did tell us that if we have another one we will have to have the Amnio done because my wife will be over 35 and her doctor said that women over 35 are required to have one.

A doctor can not REQUIRE the procedure be done. My wife was over 35 and we refused....even after the preliminary ultrasound showed evidence of Down's.

I think his being whole is coming from the stress that his whole family is going through and the fact that now people are talking about it at his work.

You are not hearing me. Unless you can prove it false, she can have billboards made if she wishes.

The truth is an affirmative defense to a slander suit.

I completely agree and I told him that he knew what he was doing and the possible consequences of his actions. He must now live with them if she is in fact pregnant. He knew that I had read (not posted or replied) some advice from this site before on other issues and he asked me to get on here and see what I could determine, so I am doing that for him. The biggest problem here is that everything she is telling him makes this seem as if she was trying to trap him into marriage.

If she is pregnant, I can see that she wants to be married.

The best advice you can give him is to wait and see what happens within the next 6 months or so.

If she is a psycho, getting into a lather about what she is doing is feeding her exactly the reaction she wanted. If she is pregnant, then she is understandably stressed out right now.

Either way, getting nuts over it and running around like a crazy person isn't the way to get it to stop.

[volhooker]

OK...his mother ran into the lady today and asked why she wasn't showing.

She told his mom that she lost the baby on Sept. 2 after a medical procedure. That was the week after she had came to his mom to tell her she was pregnant and they needed to get married.

It is obvious now that she was faking the whole time because none of her stories added up. She was just trying to trick him into marrying her.

He is wanting to know if he can push the issue legally to get proof that she was pregnant before her procedure...I'm sure the doctor who preformed the procedure had to know whether or not she was pregnant...and if she was not pregnant, could he sue her for slander?

Thanks.