My question involves paternity law for the State of: Iowa
My husband and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary, but it may not have ever happened. He and I were having MAJOR marital issues over his work, our (lack of) sex life, frequent moving, and the effect it had on our daughter, then 2. I was desperate for companionship, and was left to the internet to find friends (at the time, I felt I couldn't trust anyone in our area due to my husband's job, everyone I had trusted as a friend had used what I said against me and my husband - a fact we're dealing with legally at this time). I connected with someone I thought I could trust, and being weak, frustrated, and feeling very much alone at the time I got into a relationship that took me out of the marriage for a few months.
Needless to say, it was all a big mis-communication between my husband and I, and once we started communicating and being honest, he realized I was miserable where I was, not seeing my baby girl, that missing her 3rd birthday had almost killed me, and that I'd stayed away so long because he refused to talk to me and hear that I wanted him and not this other man.
I found out I was pregnant about a month before packing my things up to move home. I debated stopping at a hospital I knew did abortions on the way there. I considered not telling my husband about any of this, having it "taken care of" and then claiming miscarriage to the biological father. In the end, my religious beliefs and my desire to have more children (though my husband may not be able to conceive any more) won out, regardless of the paternity. I had my parents to take me in if my husband threw me out. I told him, he cried more at the thought I almost aborted the baby than knowing it wasn't his. From my first night home, he's claimed this child inside me and is a WONDERFUL daddy to our daughter so I have no doubts there.
The sticky part comes now. Iowa law assumes husband=father. The biological father of this baby is refusing to give up "paternal rights" to my husband - mostly out of spite, but also because I'm not the first woman he's seduced into getting pregnant then losing because of his attitude, temper, and inability to find and keep steady supportive work to establish a family. His son with his last girlfriend lives with her and her fiancÚ, and though he has the legal ability to visitation he never goes to see him and can't pay the state-mandated child support amount. He's still virtually unemployed to my knowledge, lives with his mom, and complains incessantly about fathering two children he'll never see - so he's fighting me through letters and e-mail. While I'd love to see him pay for my medical procedures and give us money for the raising and care of the baby, It's not worth the struggle with someone so childish and stubborn - and I probably wouldn't see a penny anyway.
I know I was foolish to get into this, but I was married young and felt I'd missed out on certain things because of my husband's career choice. We've both grown up a lot, but are a bit afraid that even though Iowa law dictates my husband is the legal father that this man will find a way (or a sneaky cheap lawyer) to force a paternity test and file for rights - even though there''s no way he can support this child - he can't (and won't, doesn't want to, resents his ex for forcing him to pay child support) give anything to this child my husband can give. We've got a home that's in our names, two great sets of grandparents, a wonderful small community to raise the children in, great schools, an awesome church... the list goes on.
Anyone knowing if I need to do anything pre-birth to prevent issues, or if there can even BE issues of paternity between married couples in Iowa, please let me know. I'd also appreciate any information on the birth certificate - I'm having my husband on it, as his legal rights say that's how it should be even if it's not biological...
Thanks in advance!