[lola13]

My question involves criminal law for the state of: GA

Good afternoon,

I was arrested for aggravated assault with domestic violence earlier this year, in truth I stabbed my husband in the arm in self defense when he was coming at me to grab me. We have a history as I've been to the emergency room twice this year because of abuse. When I was arrested the state took out a no contact order against me to protect my husband,"the victim". Since then he has called my home, harassed my dad and has told him that if I don't push to get the no contact order removed it will make my case worse and make me seem guilty, as well as the same if I pursue a divorce. He has also stated that if I don't speak to him he will kill himself. Does any of this have some truth to it, if I do not push to have the no contact order removed or divorce him will this make my case worse?

Thanks

[aardvarc]

Don't take legal or any other advice from someone who's willing to send you to the emergency room, twice. It's really that simple. Lies, manipulation, and misinformation are an abuser's best friends.

There's not a snowball's chance in hell that the restraining order is going away. Yeah, it might look like the state took out the order to protect your hubby, but since you're willing to return to him after he sends you to the hospital, who cares which one of you the order is on - as long as it keeps your two away from each other, it's functioning to protect YOU just as much.

Your case is classic - staying in an abusive relationship until eventually YOU get arrested for defending yourself. These patterns are SO predictable and the order of events rarely changes. The HUGE red flag for any abusive relationship that is a signal that the violence is going to not only continue, but ESCALATE, is having an abuser threaten to kill themselves. It's the ultimate tool of emotional abuse and a final, last ditch effort at control. Run, don't walk, away from this guy...because the pattern, as much as victims want to deny it, is that one of you is going to end up dead by his hand. The only person YOU can keep alive is YOU.

Let the restraining order stand and RUN, don't walk, to do two things:

1) If you're ready to get away, file for your divorce - understand that your abuser is going to say whatever will get him what HE wants (believe me, judges and prosecutors understand the dynamic at play here)

2) Digest the fact that some 70-75% of victims ultimately killed by their abusers are murdered while in the process of leaving or shortly thereafter - and that you are in the MOST dangerous time in the cycle of violence. The more your abuser feels like you might be "getting away", the more frantic and the more violent he will become. It is VITAL that you understand this dynamic and take steps to increase your personal safety. You can start by reading the safety plan at

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/plan.shtml

and by taking advantage of the services and resources available to you from programs in your area, which can be found at

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/gadv.shtml