Father Not the Father?

lookmom · #1 08-06-2008, 06:29 AM

My question involves paternity law for the State of: North Carolina

I have joint custody of my son but his bio father has decided not to see his son with any regularity for the past 2 years. I went and filed for child support and they are saying that paternity is an issue if he denies that he is the father can I then agree with him and take him for custody. I f he is willing to leave my son alone then I would be more than happy to not have child support. My son is 4.

Neal1421 · #2 08-06-2008, 07:27 AM

Quoting lookmom

My question involves paternity law for the State of: North Carolina

I have joint custody of my son but his bio father has decided not to see his son with any regularity for the past 2 years. I went and filed for child support and they are saying that paternity is an issue if he denies that he is the father can I then agree with him and take him for custody. I f he is willing to leave my son alone then I would be more than happy to not have child support. My son is 4.

What is your question?

lookmom · #3 08-06-2008, 07:35 AM

My question being if he says that he is not the father in court for child support can I take that and run with it in court about custody.

Neal1421 · #4 08-06-2008, 07:51 AM

Is he on the birth certificate? If not, and you do not want child support just drop the case. However, if you do so do not plan on trying to get government assistance as you will have to name a father.

If he is not on the bc as the father, he has no rights until he is declared as such. He can though at any time go to court to file for paternity and some form of custody.

lookmom · #5 08-06-2008, 08:11 AM

I know we are talking under the custody forumn also. He is on the BC but they say that there also needs to be an afidavit of parentage. So my thought was if he tries to use "not being the parent" to get out of child support. Can I go back to my custody case and say that he is now saying he is not the "parent", and get full custody. The man would rather be shot in the face than pay child support, he hasn't payed ever! He took me to court and got joint custody, then doesn't even see my son for more that 7 days a month, some months not at all. He wants control, and would do anything in his power to not send me a dime. The whole reason that he asked for joint custody was so that he would not pay child support. I just dont know if this would be something I could use against him?

Neal1421 · #6 08-06-2008, 08:21 AM

Quoting lookmom

I know we are talking under the custody forumn also. He is on the BC but they say that there also needs to be an afidavit of parentage. So my thought was if he tries to use "not being the parent" to get out of child support. Can I go back to my custody case and say that he is now saying he is not the "parent", and get full custody. The man would rather be shot in the face than pay child support, he hasn't payed ever! He took me to court and got joint custody, then doesn't even see my son for more that 7 days a month, some months not at all. He wants control, and would do anything in his power to not send me a dime. The whole reason that he asked for joint custody was so that he would not pay child support. I just dont know if this would be something I could use against him?

If he has joint custody, then he is the father there is no way he will get out of paying. Request a DNA test if he is denying it. I doubt that a judge would buy him now saying that he is not the father of the child since he has joint custody. If he isn't seeing the child, document it, and take it back to court for full custody. How many days a month does he have with the child?

If there isn't an order for child support, then legally he wasn't obligated to pay anything so him not having paid over the years is a moot point. He wasn't required to since you never went for support.

lookmom · #7 08-06-2008, 08:33 AM

I have filed for Child support. He has the ability to have the child every other week ( per custody order), he actually has the child 3-7 days a month and some months he does not see him at all. I was very surprised to find out that a man who had joint custody, could do so without having to assertain that he was the father. But they tell me that paternity is an issue in my case? I am perfectly okay with the fact that he has never paid, I guess I brought it up just to say that on his part it is all about money. They are telling me that he can request a DNA test if he wants when we go to court for child support. I would like to have full custody so I felt like if he would say the child isnt his then I would allow that and only ask that he drop paretal rights bassed on the fact that he did't think the child was his. I am quite willing to use his fear of paying "one dime" to get more custody. Guess that makes me a meanie.

distressedmom · #8 08-06-2008, 03:31 PM

Custody and support are 2 different issues. A parent is not entitled to see a child just because he/she is paying support. Along those same lines, they are not excused from their financial obligations to your child because they don't want to be involved with the child's life.

This is a very big decision and you may want to get some legal advice to understand the long term impact of making such a decision.

lookmom · #9 08-07-2008, 08:57 AM

I have had joint custody For quite some time, and I understand that decideding to cut one parent out of the picture is "wrong". I know that we both made the child, BUT..........Dealing with a parent who never wanted the child in the first place, who thinks that my child is a pawn. He uses the child to get money out of his family, I have gone to Social Services on him 4 times, they ( social Services) said that things like making my son sleep in a cardboard box is okay as long as the child has a blanket and the house has heat? I am tired of getting my son back from his father Dirty, with cloths that dont fit, not fed, or only fed chips and soda, having really bad asthma attacks cause his dad insists on smoking around him, and a rash on his butt cause his dad wont wipe it, Sons father has elderly great grandma watch the baby so she keeps him in her bedroom until his father wakes up at 3 pm. Father has a pitt bull that has ripped 3 of my sons shirts off him, My child comes back 5 pounds lighter after 1 week with his father. 5 pounds when you only weigh 40 is a big deal. This type of person should not be a father, and since social services says that this is not bad enough to remove the child from the situation I am forced to whatch this happen over and over again to my baby. To be told by people that "I should try to build my sons Relationship with his father", most people wouldn't let a person like that watch their dog. I am frustrated, I am sure that the man"loves his son" but he doesn't have the basic skills to keep a pet alive for any length of time much less a child. If child support will force his hand and make him leave my baby alone then I a more than okay with cutting this moron out of me and my sons lives. I pay extra money every month to drive to pick up my son ( he never has the money to return my son) I pay extra for daycare so my son doesn't lose his spot, I pay extra to take my son to the hospital or ER when he comes back from his fathers because he is having another asthma attack because of all the smoke. I have spent almost 10K on a lawyer to fight for custody only to be told that the judges thinks that based on the fathers desire to have a relationship with the child we should have joint custody, and then the father doesn't even want to see him. I am married I have a very stable happy life and I would like to stop being forced to send my son to his fathers every month while he cries "mommy I want to Stay with you, please dont make me go to daddys, daddy can see me at our house mommy". If I thought for a hot second that I could prove he wasn't the father i would have done it years ago and saved my son the heart ache. I understand that there are a millon people out there that hate there ex's and want to hurt them by keeping the children away from them, I hate what my ex does to my son, and for that reason I want to cut him out entirely. I am not trying to be rude, but it is hard for me to be looked at like another evil person trying to control things by using the baby I am not. I just dont want to have the final "I told You so" Be someone telling me that my kid is dead or in a hospital somewhere. Sorry If I am a little adamant and confrontational, it is a pretty emotional subject for me. I just feel that the benifits far outway my child saftey that is put at risk every month.

distressedmom · #10 08-07-2008, 03:23 PM

It is hard to believe with the stories you describe, and the case that you have made to the court, that he continues to have custody. No lawyer or judge has been open to the idea of modifying the custody order... amazing.