Son's Step-Mother Authorizing Medical Treatment

[t_pollard33@yahoo.com]

Mine don't say anything about sharing the decisions or anything like that. It says that I am the residential parent and legal custodian. It then goes into the visitation schedule. I will try to see what I can do tomorrow. I'm not sure if the people at the courthouse would know anything about this or not. They will scream and yell at my son especially if they found out he is the one who told me about the braces. My ex thinks he is a know it all about everything and the lawyers know nothing. The sm even tried to tell my how my custody works!! Like she's ever been through it or even at a single court hearing!

[HawaiiMom]

I understand how you feel, but you shouldn't let this get you all stressed out. From your posts, it appears that you are the custodial parent who also has SOLE legal custody, and your ex is the non-custodial parent with visitation. Because you are the sole legal guardian, you are the only one entitled to make any and all legal decisions for your son.

To my knowledge, although your ex is paying the insurance, he's only financially responsible for his portion of any medical/dental bills that are incurred. There are alot of parents out there that are court ordered to provide medical insurance for their kids, but do not have joint or sole custody.

You need to consult with an attorney asap to have your court order modified to add stipulations regarding the step-mom interferring, and your ex over-stepping his legal authority. He is your son's father so he should have a say, but the courts didn't think so, that's why you were awarded sole legal custody.

[1parent]

Mine don't say anything about sharing the decisions or anything like that. It says that I am the residential parent and legal custodian. It then goes into the visitation schedule. I will try to see what I can do tomorrow. I'm not sure if the people at the courthouse would know anything about this or not. They will scream and yell at my son especially if they found out he is the one who told me about the braces. My ex thinks he is a know it all about everything and the lawyers know nothing. The sm even tried to tell my how my custody works!! Like she's ever been through it or even at a single court hearing!

Why are you even having any dialogue with the SM? You are just letting her drive you crazy. I dont even respond to ex emails or texts because I know the SO is writing them. Its sad when the actual parent throws his/her parenting duties onto another, including a stepparent, especially when it comes to relaying messages to the ex. Thats not real parenting at all.

If you guys have joint legal, you and your ex must agree on the procedure and ex must let you know when and where any medical/dental procedures will take place. So if he gets this done without your advanced notice, file contempt. In fact, you should file it anyway if yo wish to stop it, but supporting evidence that the procedure isnt necessary.

the SM may be committing custodial interference. In most states it is a felony. I am not sure but you should check teh definition in your state. She is illegally making decisions for a child that is not hers. This will only make it to court if you have documentation that she signed something as his mother or legal guardian. that means she is interfering with your custody rights. She cannot do anything on behalf of her husband for the child unles the court orders it. She IS NOT his legal guardian. She is a legal stranger, but that doesnt give her the right to make decisions as her mother.

If dad moves forward with this, the court will at least see it as immoral judgement to not let you know of this and this would be enough to modify the order so that you and he must agree on any non-emergency medical procedures and you must be made aware at least one week in advance of the doctor and the procedure.

[t_pollard33@yahoo.com]

ok I have an appointment tomorrow morning to have a lawyer to explain my custody papers to me in what I call "dummy terms" lol The only reason I talked to the sm is because my x mother in law handed her the phone. I asked her about the insurance information. That when she told me about the dentist and I guess my anger took over. I simply told her that she is not allowed to take my son to the dentist. She then told me that she is allowed and told me how MY custody is and that since she and my ex pays for the insurance they can get him any kind of medical treatment they want. I tried not yelling back, I actually thought it was kinda funny because she's got that really high pitched scream lol. She told me to call my ex on his cell, and from now on it was between me and him. It told her that should have been that way from the beginning and would you believe she hung up on me lmao. She then called my ex before I could so he ended up calling me. I do wish the communication with my ex could be in e-mail it would be ALOT easier!

[coloradomommy]

Why can't all communication be via email? You apparently have internet and I assume he does as well. This avoids any emotion from taking over. It also keeps proof of dialog between the 2 of you. I am glad you have an attorney, but in the meantime I would find out who this orthodontist is and tell him you do not approve any treatment and if the sm signed his forms she is in legal trouble. Regardless of who pays for the insurance you BOTH have to agree on these services. I don't know why that is so hard for them to understand.

[t_pollard33@yahoo.com]

Sometimes they have internet. It seems like whenever my son is there it somehow "doesn't work". They live in such a big town I have looked up all the orthodontists there online and there are ALOT. I know my ex won't tell me who it is. Hopefully they won't have it done before I can take my son for my vacation because I have worked it out that my ex will only have my son 1 weekend from sept 29-Dec.5th. I did ask my son if he wanted it worked out this way because it is a long time without seeing his dad and he said yes. He doesn't like being there. My ex will choose not to understand unless the papers say what he wants them to say. He told me his lawyer was stupid and didn't even know what the papers said. He needs to realize he agreed to everything on those papers when he signed them. He also tries to say that his papers don't say the same as mine. But refuses to show me his papers. I am not stupid! He controlled me during our marriage and he is trying to control me now. He's using our son as a pawn. I do have an excellent example of that but it's kind of a long story so i'll just get to the point of it... during mediation the mediator told him he still had residential custody, (which she was not allowed to say) he didn't, that was thrown out and I was awarded temp custody after my ex got out of jail, anyway, if I didn't agree to all his demands he was gonna take my son and if I didn't let my son go he would have me arrested in front of my son. When I went home and told him his dad was taking him he started crying and was saying don't make me go. My lawyer wasn't very good, and didn't explain alot of stuff to me so i didn't realize that my ex couldn't take my son. Especially since the mediator told me the ex still had custody. When my ex realized I wasn't gonna let my son go, he went home, picked up the sm and came back! Like having her there was gonna scare me into handing my son over! I still wouldn't hand my son over to him so he did try to have me arrested. The police wouldn't get involved in it. Sorry if that confuses you all lol. This whole mess can be confusing! lol

[babyfat5]

I'm a stay at home mom and one time my sd had a doctor appt for some blood work both parents were working so I needed a letter signed by both of them stating I could take the child to the doctor. they would not treat her if I didn't have both parents consent to take her to the doctors. I don't understand how step mom is getting away with taking your son to the dentist. According to the HIPPA thing they arent even suppose to tell her if he needs a tooth pulled or braces. Lookes like you might have the dad for contempt of court if he is seaking non emergancy medical care for the child if you have sole legal.

[t_pollard33@yahoo.com]

I am going tomorrow to see if i have sole custody or not. None of this was explained to me by the lawyers. Like I said earlier, I don't mind for regular exams and such. But a decision to get braces in my opinion needs to be discussed between me and my ex especially since it isn't medically necessary, just cosmetic, and my son doesn't want them, he is happy with how he looks. If we would decide to do it I feel that I should be the one to take my son, not the sm because I know my ex won't do it. He hasn't taken my son to any appointments yet.

[t_pollard33@yahoo.com]

I just thought of something else. I bet they will be allowed to get my son his drivers permit in Dec unless the dmv is open on christmes eve. My ex thinks the best wat to teach my son to drive is to find the icest road possible and turn my son loose on it! I feel that he needs to learn how to keep the car on the road first! He well be able to get his permit Dec 24th when he turns 15 1/2. He will be at his dad's from dec 24th at 9 pm until jan 1st.

[t_pollard33@yahoo.com]

I just got back from talking with a lawyer. He said by the way my papers read I DO HAVE FULL CUSTODY!!! They cannot put braces on my son! I am supposed to send my ex a letter to tell him I oppose the braces and if he does have them put on I will file contempt charges. I am going to send it certified so they can't deny getting it lol. Knowing my ex he probably wont sign for it.