Visitation time spent with grandparents

[mom125]

I am in a relationship with a 2yr old son. My BF has a daughter from previous relationship who never spends her visitation time with us. She spends it only with his parents. BF's mother is manipulative but BF doesn't see this. I speak frequently with BF's daugher's mother and know every issue that has occured with visitation. grandmother spoils granddaughter so much she doesn't even want to come visit us. Grandmother will take things from granddaughters backpack that are school related without mother's knowledge, intentionally buys the same christmas gifts on years they have her christmas morning to give them to granddaughter first... etc. I have also heard her speak negatively about BF's ex in front of child (9 yrs old so she def understands). My concern is this... relationship is on the rocks and if ends I fear same situation will occur. Especially because BF would move back in with his parents thus all visitation would be there even though he never would care for my son.. his mother would do all of that. I live in PA is there anything that can be done legally to limit grandmothers time with my son, I know she will intentionally spoil and manipulate him to favor her as she has with granddaughter. I would never want my son to not see them at all but BF only spends few hrs per week with daughter and never actually cares for her. Can I prevent all of this happening with my son?

[aaron]

A court usually won't dictate what occurs during a parent's parenting time. If the circumstances warrant it, you may wish to request provisions governing what happens with the child when the parent is unable (or unwilling) to directly exercise parenting time. Perhaps you could work with a lawyer to draft language which speaks to your having a right of first refusal to provide child care, and defines child care broadly enough to cover situations where the child would be dropped off with a relative in the absence of the father.

I believe you would benefit from consulting a lawyer, and from using a lawyer during any custody proceedings. I would venture that your boyfriend's mother will hire a lawyer for him.

[mom125]

You are very right that she would pay for attorney for him... in fact during arguments that is often stated that he has attorney on retainer and I don't... so I would definately be looking for legal help. I suppose the provision wouldn't help me at all if he were to move in with his parents upon separation... even though he sleeps until at least lunch time daily unless working so I know his mom would be taking care of my son all the time. If he were then to move out of his parents the wording would state that if he weren't taking care of our son then I have the right to have him? do I understand that correctly? Also how do holiday's usually work? We already have serious issues dividing holidays and we are still together. I know he has his daughter half of the day on all holidays alternating which half every year. This is a prob with his ex as on Christmas daughter is not actually with him in morning she is with grandparents he doesn't show up there until roughly 10am. I just wondered what the standard holiday division is