Pro Se Paternity Suit

[Xena]

I am sure there are some statutes on discrimination. But anyway I am getting way ahead of myself.

Xena what do you think is worse: walking away from a potentially conflictual situation involving a/your child and learning to live with your decision or taking action to be involved in your child's life when the other person does not?

I'm married to a man who allowed his ex to intimidate him to the point that he just walked away and didn't try to fight to see his kids.( I admit that she is a real loony toon and dangerous, but he still should have at least tried to see his kids). Of course, now that his kids are grown, he regrets not fighting to see them. This was long before we met, and I truly believe that it is worse on the absent parent and the children when a parent does not fight for thier rights. Even in the worst situations, if the parent tries to fight and loses, thier children will at least know that the parent tried.

[distressedmom]

If your hearing isn't until August, you have time to try to find legal represenation that you feel comfortable with and can afford. Try to get someone that specializes in Family Law, and has experience.

Fight for your child and don't let the mom dictate what will be. That will be for the courts to decide. If you are proved to be the father you will have to pay for support, so why not fight for that parenting time so you can develop a relationship with the child.

In your orders you may want to be able to ask the court to keep the child in state so you are able to have a relationship.

In our case, the father is walking away and one day he will wake up and regret what he has done. I won't have to ever say anything to my child, he will know that his dad didn't fight to have a relationship with him.

[UnwedDad1977]

Thank you very much for all your advice. I am going to court pro se by necessity, not by choice. The little money I have I will need it for filing fees and some legal coaching. To be able to afford an attorney I would need to go to one of my parents for help, and even though they are backing me 200 % they really believe that I should just walk away and not get myself embroiled in a potentialy lenghty legal mess (my mother "just go / leave," "do as she says").

I don't think you can "condemn" a man for walking away when the odds of him having a proper relationship with his child are stacked against him. I am really feeling unhappy and confused right now and not sure what to do. I feel like damned if you do, damned if you don't. I just can't stop noticing the irony (or the tragedy) of the situation, especially when a boy is involved: the mother rejects the father when her boy will some day also become a father.

[UnwedDad1977]

For anybody in Florida check out Senate Bill 2532 er: the entire section 61, Florida Statutes, has been gutted and new terminology added. The new statute will be Law in October of this year (http://www.flsenate.gov/session/inde...o&BillNum=2532).

For example:

Florida Statute 61.13(2)(b)1:

"After considering all relevant facts, the father of the child shall be given the same consideration as the mother in determining the primary residence of a child irrespective of the age or sex of the child."

Now becomes:

"There is no presumption for or against the father or the mother of the child when creating or modifying the parenting plan."

There is no more "custodial parent," or "noncustodial parent," only parent!

No more "custody," but time-sharing!

[UnwedDad1977]

Can any of you tell me the importance or usefulness of filing correspondance letters, emails, or text messages with the court clerk?

I sent the mother of the child three letters:

1. Request to establish/determine paternity by signing mutual agreement affidavit (certified mail, no answer);

2. Child support check (never cashed); and

3. Request to allow me to see child with only mother present (text message reply: will call police, will not do anything without law finalized).

Plus: is it useful to file a diary of the relationship with the ex if the ex exhibited symptoms that could potentially have a negative impact on the well being of the child?

How would a judge consider such documents in the court file? Would he get annoyed and think the other parent is being malicious? Are these documents necessary if one parent or the judge requests a home study or a psychological evaluation?

How much is too much?

[Xena]

Can any of you tell me the importance or usefulness of filing correspondance letters, emails, or text messages with the court clerk?

I sent the mother of the child three letters:

1. Request to establish/determine paternity by signing mutual agreement affidavit (certified mail, no answer);

2. Child support check (never cashed); and

3. Request to allow me to see child with only mother present (text message reply: will call police, will not do anything without law finalized).

Plus: is it useful to file a diary of the relationship with the ex if the ex exhibited symptoms that could potentially have a negative impact on the well being of the child?

How would a judge consider such documents in the court file? Would he get annoyed and think the other parent is being malicious? Are these documents necessary if one parent or the judge requests a home study or a psychological evaluation?

How much is too much?

Although those items can be filed with the clerk, it is always better to have them in hand in court to try to introduce them as evidence in court.

In my husband's case, his ex started sending letters to the court, without sending him copies. By the time he found out about them there were already 65 pages of letters. Hubby made the mistake of filing letters objecting to and defending the letters. Which, in turn led his ex to write even more letters. The end result after 3 years was the case file grew to be 7 volumes each with apporx 200 pages. It is the largest family law case file in the circuit. A Judge finally got fed up and ordered santions for any party who filed anything other than properly worded legal pleadings. Needless to say, alot of mistakes were made by the Judges because of so much nonsense in the file that it obscured the real issues.

[UnwedDad1977]

Although those items can be filed with the clerk, it is always better to have them in hand in court to try to introduce them as evidence in court.

Well you make two copies. You file the first copy with the court clerk who files it in your case folder, and you send the second copy to the other party. You always keep the original, which you bring with you in court. But at least when the judge is sitting in his office drinking his morning coffee before the hearing, he opens up the folder and tata! Incriminating evidence!

my husband's case, his ex started sending letters to the court, without sending him copies.

Hence she performed perjury, since you must make a written statement under oath when you file the documents that you have sent a copy to the other party.

Anyway I don't think any judge wants to open a case file and find a novel.

[UnwedDad1977]

The mother was served the summons, and has not responded in the 20 days required by law.

What will happen when I file a default and a motion for default?

[Xena]

The mother was served the summons, and has not responded in the 20 days required by law.

What will happen when I file a default and a motion for default?

After checking the file to make sure that a response wasn't filed, the court clerk will issue a default order.
All that order does is allows for a final hearing date to be set even though no response was filed.

[distressedmom]

I am cheering for you! You have the courage to fight for your child. I have the opposite situation. After filing a paternity suit, the NCP is trying to slink away. After 9 years of claiming paternity its now being disputed, and all contact has stopped. The child is heartbroken and I cannot say anything negative (the parental alienation thing). One day the child will remember and all I can do in the meantime is wipe away the tears and give hugs.