non-custodial parent's obligation during their visitation?

[petite_n_pwrful]

My ex and I have a 7 year old son and have been divorced going on 6 years now. For the most part we get along, but have many disagreements, usually him disagreeing with me on things and I just let them go.

I have physical custody with joint legal. His visitation is every other week, Thursday night through Monday night. I didn't want to but I agreed to this time even though he didn't play a big role in our son's care-taking during the time we were married and actually against my lawyers advise b/c I felt he deserved the time especially since he was actually willing to take it.

Now that our son is in first grade, I'm concerened. First of all he relies on his mother to get our son to school or daycare in the morning which has always bothered me. Biggest problem is she leaves for Florida 2 months of the year so my ex then has to change our son's schedule, getting him up before 6 am when he's used to it being around 7 or a little after (my son tells me all the time that he hates when his dad has to do this). My ex isn't really on top of things when it comes to school. He forgets to look through his bag for homework, not reading notes, letters, notices, etc. He says he asks our son if he has anythng and if he tells him no then he leaves it at that. I still always look through his bag b/c he's 7 and forgets. Our son has missed out on participating in certain school or classroom activities b/c his father doesn't pay attention to notices or reminders.

What the kicker is that has set me off is that our son was sick and missed 3 straight days of school. I stayed home the first day and he seemed better the next so he went but the school called. This was my ex's day so I called him and he couldn't leave work. My mom ended up getting him. Then the next day was also my ex's day and he asked my mother to watch him. I then found out that over the weekend he took him out ice fishing b/c he seemed to feel better so then my son ended up even sicker and missed 2 more days the following week in which I then had to take our son to the doctor. I asked why he couldn't have stayed home on his day and he said that I have full custody, that's my job. I said no, on your days it's your "job".

Afer rambling on here, with this and many other things not mentioned, would I have a chance at changing his visitation during the school year? He's a good dad, but not as responsible as he needs to be. He doesn't seem to want to deal with anything except the fun aspects of being a parent. Doesn't want to take responsibilty for the not so fun aspects either.

[Anonymous]

The first thing you should note is that what is likely to happen if you petition for a modification of parenting time depends upon the county in which your litigation is heard, and the policies of the FOC office and the judge to whom the case is assigned.

That said, if there are problems getting the child to school on time, as reflected in attendance records, or problems getting the child to school with his homework, permission slips, and other papers in proper order, a court or referee might be receptive to a parenting time modification that would better accommodate a school schedule.

Still, the first thing to do is to make sure that both of you are registered with your child's school, so notices sent by the school (although not necessarily those notices which are only sent home with your son) go to both households, and then to try to figure out a system between the two of you that works, even if that involves shifting some days of parenting time. It is truly best if you manage to resolve this in a positive way between the two of you, rather than having to go back to court.

[petite_n_pwrful]

Thank you for your response. The kind of things I'm speaking of are not notices sent out in the mail, these are the things that come home every Friday with each the student.

He gets the folder on his Friday and I get it on mine. If on mine there is anything he needs to be informed of, I am sure to let him know. When our son is with him on Friday, the folder stays in his bag until he comes home on Tuesday. He doesn't inform me of anything that may be up and coming once our son is back home with me. I believe that he goes through it, looks at the weekly work done, but he doesn't seem to go through everything thoroughly (newsletters, notices, etc). The information is right there if he'd just take the time to read the weekly classroom and school newsletters.

I have told him that if I see that our son's education is being affected in a negative way, that I would try to do something about the arrangement. And for him to tell me that even when our son is with him, that it's my job (I love that "JOB") to stay home with him???? Honestly, I don't mind taking care of our son ever, but for him to put it in those words as if he is only responsible for spending time with him and having fun with him...I don't think so.

Again, I thank you for your time.