Sexual Solicitation Of A Minor

[confusedxx]

When I was 14 I was sexually solicited by a 21 year old. At the time I thought it was a real relationship but since we lived in different states it was hard to try to make it real. We never actually met so I have always felt that it doesn't count as sexual abuse of any kind. I was definitely emotionally abused, sent pornographic materials, coerced into sexual activity (masturbation, phone sex, cybersex), and he attempted many times to try to meet me in person to have sex. I don't know if I would press charges or not. I however know that he is in contact with some underage girls at the moment and have contacted those in charge in setting in which he met them and warned them. They said they would look into it but I haven't heard back. I thought maybe if I knew of legally how this all fit I wouldn't think I was stupid for feeling abused even though as a few people have responded "but he never touched you". Also, which of our states would the law follow, mine or his(NY,MD)?

[cdwjava]

So ... he never met you? He just contacted you and you masturbated by cybersex?

How old are you now?

IF a crime was committed, it is likely that the statute of limitations has passed. But, maybe not ... it depends on the age and what HE did to encourage you to do this ... and, how sure are you that he was 21 and even who he was/is?

- Carl

[confusedxx]

Correct, he never met me.

I am 19. We stopped speaking regularly when I was 15 and then a handful of times since then he has imed me asking for phone sex.

He went to college with a friend of a friend. So one of my best friends met him for about 5 seconds. I also know a few people now who know him. I know who he is, where he went to school, where he works, his birthday (including year), and what he looks like. I also know that he has a habit of developing crushes on high school girls and trying to initiate things, he admitted it to me at one point a few years after.

In terms of what HE did to encourage me to do all this, I'm not sure what you are trying to ask. I will try to clarify. I had never kissed a boy, I didn't know girls masturbated, I didn't know what an erect penis was. I think it is safe to say that all things sexual were caused by his very conscious attempt at exposing me to sex. He sent me porn since I had never seen porn before and would say things like "I want you to do that to me". Does that answer your question?

[confusedxx]

Also, I would appreciate a response without the blatant insensitivity. I said in my original post that as it is I feel stupid for the fact that years later I still suffer the effects of it. I thought it was clear that, yes I didn't meet him, but my point was whether or not the law is aware of negative life changing things even if they don't involve physical contact between two people.

[cdwjava]

I strongly suspect the acts you described have passed the SOL, but it will really depend on the details. You can contact the police with jurisdiction where you received his messages and acted on them. They should tell you whether what he did is a crime or not.

The key will be the details ... what was said, what you did and why, and what he did to initiate this and why.

- Carl

[cdwjava]

Also, I would appreciate a response without the blatant insensitivity.

Please point out where I was in any way blatantly insensitive? If asking clarifying questions to help come to a legal conclusion without first expressing sorrow and sympathy is insensitive, i suppose I am guilty.

If you do intend to pursue this, get a thick skin because the defense will be asking you some VERY serious questions that will be quite invasive, personal, and even demeaning.

I thought it was clear that, yes I didn't meet him,

I wanted to clarify that as it is an important detail of the law. And since many people who post here have a way of changing "the facts" with subsequent posts, I wanted to get it down right the first time.

but my point was whether or not the law is aware of negative life changing things even if they don't involve physical contact between two people.

The law will concern his making sexually explicit comments to a minor for his own sexual gratification ... this is likely a misdemeanor. As such, it is also likely that the SOL has passed .. though being just 19 you may still have time to report it to the police. The fact that he made no personal contact with you (physically) makes the offense relatively minor in the eyes of the law. The problem with any prosecution is that you chose to do this to yourself. Even at his instigation, that tends to diminish the offense to some degree - in other words, it is a lesser offense than a molestation.

Contact the police and ask them.

As a note, I head up my department's investigative division and as such I am regularly involved in sex crimes prosecutions. So, I do know what I am speaking about in these matters.

- Carl

[LawResearcherMissy]

If you do intend to pursue this, get a thick skin because the defense will be asking you some VERY serious questions that will be quite invasive, personal, and even demeaning.

OP, please do not take offense at what Carl tells you. He's absolutely correct and maybe even understating it a little.

Sex crimes prosecution is often BRUTAL for the victim. It was for me, anyway. Best to get used to it so you can put this cad away if the SOL hasn't run.

[blueeagle]

Carl's 100% correct. This case will be almost impossible to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. Do you have any chat logs or emails left over? This could possibly assist the prosecution. Unless of course, they are ruled inadmissible. Chat logs can easily be subjected to fabrication, this is why few judges permit the prosecution to enter them into evidence.

[cyjeff]

Also, I would appreciate a response without the blatant insensitivity. I said in my original post that as it is I feel stupid for the fact that years later I still suffer the effects of it. I thought it was clear that, yes I didn't meet him, but my point was whether or not the law is aware of negative life changing things even if they don't involve physical contact between two people.

Carl takes a clinical view... it is not insensitive.

The law isn't cuddly. If you want a support system for your issues, you need to seek help elsewhere.

This is not because we are not sensitive people, it is because you ask us questions about the law. The law does not lend itself to sensitivity.