Daughter Caught Shoplifting

[missieleigh40]

Hi. My daughter is 16 and Thursday night she and 3 friends were caught shoplifting at Old Navy. She and one of the other girls were holding the bags, and my daughter wanted to protect one of the other girls because she already is on probation for the same thing. So, my daughter confessed to stealing more than she actually did. I'm just sick about it. The police officer who called let the kids go because we (the parents) all live pretty far away, but he told me we'll probably get an order in the mail for her to go to juvenile court. This is a kid who has never been in trouble in her life, gets all A's and B's, is going to the Tech center for the nursing program and wants to be an RN. Has she just ruined it all? We took everything away from her we can, her tv, phone, ipod, computer (except for homework), and her driver's license. I hope she gets along with the cat and the dog because they're the only people she's going to be associating with for a long time! I'm also making her write a letter of apology to the store. I'm just crazy about this. I can't believe my daughter would do such a stupid thing! Can you give me any advice?

[missieleigh40]

P.S. We're in Michigan Thanks, Missieleigh40

[gigirle]

Take a deep breath and chill a bit. She pissed you off and disappointed you and for good reason you are mad. Your daughter is a good kid who made a mistake.
I hate to say your probably not done being mad....heres why..

You now have to go to juvie court with her so you will likely need to take a day off work. Then hire an attorney bc I assume that you make too much to qualify for a Public defender. Criminal defense attorney that is to keep make sure that everything is being done to keep her record clean. Hopefully there is a diversion program in your area to make this happen.

Then you will get this wonderful thing called a civil demand letter in the mail. Asking for some unbelievable amount of money to pay to the store. This is YOUR bill not hers. If you don't pay it, the chances of her record staying clean isn't going to happen. If you don't pay the bill, it goes to civil court and they get a judgement on YOU not her bc she is a minor! This will show up on your credit report as a judgement and can get your wages garnished if you don't pay.

There is no telling how long you will have to wait until all of this happens. Could be a week or a month. They have until the statue of limitations runs out, but I doubt it will take that long.
So here is what your looking at..
1. Day off work (most likely 3 in total until it "goes away")
2. Hiring a criminal defense attorney...at the tune of about 150-175.00 $ per HOUR.
3. Civil demand to pay the store which should be equal to 3-4 times the amount of goods that she actually stole.
4. Cost for court ordered diversion program
5. Court costs.

Now you have reason to keep her grounded until she gets herself out of the hot water.
Her career is likely not ruined, what she has in her favor is that she is a minor and a first time offender.
Please MAKE her find new friends...some with more parental guidence. I say this bc it would be a cold day in hell that I would let my 16 yr old out to shop with friends and while on probation for shoplifting. They can't be trusted. This girl set your daughter up. Please let her read this post and the shoplifing forum so she has a better understanding of what she's up against.

Hopefully one day she will understand what it really means to be a mother.

[panther10758]

How much was the theft in dollars? This is important because she might have crossed into felony charges depending on dollar amount. Now because they were all together its likely the entire amount will be charged to each person. The dollar amount is also important as if too high she wont qualify for some diversion programs if your county even has one. Not to scare yu but yes there is a chance she may have ruined her future as Nurse. I just wanted you prepared for that. Hopefully her Attorney can work out a deal that will help her maintain her career goals. One last thing and I say this as a parent and have done this. If her friends are going to participat ein this kind of behavior (one has priors I recall) then order your daughter to make new friends.

[gigirle]

Very good point panther!

[missieleigh40]

The amount is $49.00. What's the amount for a felony? We don't make much money, less than $40,000 a year, and I only work during the school year--I'm a school cook. Believe me, she's not to see this girl again, and I intend to ask the judge to make that part of her sentence. I already called this girl's mom to let her know that. On top of this, because Sarah protected her and took the blame for more than she actually stole, even though Old Navy has video that shows the other girl helping, they aren't going to prosecute her. Old Navy called the other night and told me this. That really makes me mad. Shouldn't the video be enough? I hadn't even thought of getting a lawyer, people I've talked to have said it isn't necessary in juvenile court. Now, I don't know what we're going to do. We can barely pay our bills let alone a lawyer. I'm going to college to try to get a better job, but I don't graduate for a year. I'm sorry to be such a whiner, but this is really awful! Thanks for the advice. Missieleigh40

[aaron]

When somebody lies and says "It was all me", it can make it very difficult to prove "beyond a reasonable doubt" that their partner in crime was guilty.

It's her first offense? In juvenile court? The juvenile court has a lot of flexibility to give a good kid a break, the first time around.

[missieleigh40]

aaron wrote, "It's her first offense? In juvenile court? The juvenile court has a lot of flexibility to give a good kid a break, the first time around."

Yes. I called the court today, and the woman who answered said I could talk to the judge when we go to court. I asked if I could make it part of her sentence that she can't associate with this girl, and she said yes. She told me the judge will work with me as I'm the type of parent who wants my kid to be responsible and take the consequences. They probably run into a lot of parents who say, "not my kid". I'm not that parent, which my daughter doesn't appreciate right now. She's really sorry she did it, and scared, too. That's not a bad thing. I want the judge to let her know in no uncertain terms that she did wrong. I know when her "friend" went, she cried and the judge was real nice to her. I don't want that. She needs a wake-up call. I'm also making my 13 year old go with us so she'll get a lesson and hopefully won't do the same thing! It's so hard being a parent. I wish they came with a manual so I could just open to page 332 and see exactly how to handle every situation!!!!! This forum is a real blessing, though. Thanks! Missieleigh40

[souperdave]

The real blessing is you, Mom! I hope your girls realize how fortunate they are to have a parent like you.

[momof16]

Just like my daughter. But they are both hanging out with the wrong people for some reason. Good kids but they have a dark side. They need to deal with the consequences of the decisions they made. Covering for the other kid was not a smart move. Mine did the same thing. We will be gettign papers today charging her with a felony. We don't plan on fighting this because she has been stealing for awhile and she didn't know we knew. Are you sure your daughter hasn't done soemthing like this before and jsut has not been caught? We thought our daughter was good as well but we have found out otherwise.