I need a little advice, I’m sorry this is so long. I've ran out of places to turn.
My ex has been harassing me for the past year. The harassment started after I broke it off with him because I found out he had been stealing money from me.
One day I found that he had broken into my apartment when I came home for lunch. After he refused to get out, he stomped in my old computer and knocked furniture over. I called the police. When the police got there, my ex showed them the piece of paper we had signed when we temporarily moved in together- stating the he would pay half of the rent (which he never did). He convinced them that he still lived there. The police were not taking me seriously, and only offered to write a complaint about my broken computer (but said they couldn't prove that it was him). I declined and begged them to make him leave. They told me they couldn’t, because basically I had screwed myself by signing that piece of paper (even though I’m the only one on the lease).
About a month later he broke into my house again in the middle of the night. I woke up, saw him in my room, and after I threatened to call the police he fled. He had slammed my window open so hard that it would not close. I called the police, fearing that he would return. I live three blocks from the police station but for some reason it took police 35 minutes to arrive. In the meantime, I received multiple calls from my ex from a payphone that was at a gas station around the corner. The police arrived and took my statement, and attempted to close my window. My ex continued to call from around the corner. I told police the exact location he was, but they declined my suggestion that they should go arrest him. One officer explained to me that I could file for burglary if I wanted, but he literally told me it would be a waste of my time. He went on to describe the “long process” and tedious visits I would have to pay to court, only for it to be dropped in the end. He did offer to write up a destruction of property, for my broken blinds. I took him up on this offer, and foolishly believed him about the burglary charge.
A few weeks later he showed up at my work, where I was working late at night by myself. After I threatened to call the police, he once again fled. I called a friend to accompany me for the rest of the night. About an hour after he left, I got a call saying my apartment was on fire. My neighbors had called my landlord and let them know. They said that the police ruled it a definite arson. After the break-ins, my ex never stopped the harassment- calling, texting, e-mailing several times a day. After the fire, I didn’t hear from him for over a week. For two weeks I desperately tried to get a hold of the fire marshal and police officer who responded to the fire. If it had not been for my neighbors, I would not have found out about the fire until I got home from work. I would have never found out it was ruled an arson. No city official attempted to contact me or the landlord of the building about the fire after it was put out. After leaving numerous messages with secretaries and assistants, I looked online and found an e-mail address for a fire marshal. I sent him an e-mail and threatened to call the local news station if someone didn’t call me. I got a call 20 minutes later. He scheduled to meet me at my house to investigate the fire. That’s right, after two weeks no one had come by to properly investigate the fire. After he looked around for a few minutes, he came inside and said to me (and this is an exact quote) “It’s a shame that we didn’t come out sooner. This is a perfect crime scene, it was obviously arson. We could have lifted fingerprints and everything. It’s just too late now.” I wanted to scream. I filled out a statement and listed my ex as the main suspect.
Within the duration of those two weeks while I attempted to contact the fire department, I went down to the magistrate’s office to try to file for a restraining order. I was told there was no such thing as a restraining order. After the magistrate heard my story, she encouraged me to file for the second burglary too. She also encouraged me to go to the Juvenile & Domestic Court to file for a protective order.
After I handed in my protective order request to the woman at the counter, she looked it over and asked why I thought I deserved one. “It doesn’t appear like he’s laid a hand on you?” I burst into tears and tried to explain to her that I was scared for my life. She responded with “I’m not going to listen to you until you stop with your ugly attitude.” I left, feeling like my cause was hopeless.
A friend of the family directed me to the City Attorney General. The A.G. told me that the woman at the counter had no say about if I got the protective order or not, that only the judge could decide. After much encouragement from her, I decided to go back and try again. Thankfully there was another woman at the counter who was very sympathetic with my situation. I saw the judge, and she agreed that the situation had gotten out of hand. They sent a court order to my ex’s house. He did not show up for the court date, so my request was dropped. I was back where I started.
It had been a few months since the first break-in, and I decided to call the station to see if they had served him with any of the warrants or questioned him for the fire. They had not. After much pleading, they agreed to pay him a visit. He was living with his mother, who lied to police and said she had not seen him in months. She later called me, asking me to “cut this out” because I was ruining his chance at joining the military. I asked her to help get him leave me alone, and she told me it was none of her business because he was an adult.
My parents saw his car at a friend’s house one day. They called the police to serve him with everything. It took police three hours to arrive at the friend’s house, but he had of course left already. He found out about the police visit and got very angry. Most of his calls were hang-ups or him pleading for me to talk to him- but I received one that night that was very disturbing and threatening. I received several texts throughout the night of pictures of unfamiliar girls. The next morning I woke up with “WHORE” keyed across the side of my car.
I called the police in tears. The woman told me I was over-reacting. She took my statement over the phone. She said they’d “look into it” but I knew better.
A few weeks later my ex turned up on my doorstep early in the morning. He refused to leave my property, so I once again called the police. He left before they arrived. The police took my statement and said they’d “drive around and be on the look-out for him” – without asking what he looked like or what he was driving.
A few days later I found a note and flowers on my porch. I visited the magistrate’s office again. This time I filed for trespassing and stalking. The stalking charge granted me an “Emergency Protective Order,” which only lasted three days.
Throughout this whole ordeal, he continued to call/text/e-mail every day. I repeatedly told him to stop contacting me at the beginning. I have not responded to any of his texts/e-mails in months and months. I hang up immediately when I realize that he’s the one calling. I even lie and tell him that I have a restraining order against him, hoping it will scare him into not contacting me anymore. I’m afraid to answer unknown calls, I’m afraid to walk to and from my car at night. I’ve missed several days of work to go to and from the magistrate’s office and the courthouse. My relationships with my friends and family has suffered, I’m always on edge. I’ve been told over and over again that I can’t do much until he physically hurts me. Why is that? Isn’t setting someone’s house on fire enough? I’ve kept up a log of all major incidents, I’ve kept copies of texts and e-mails, and I have pictures from the fire. I’ve tried to contact the local news about the city’s lack of interest in my well-being, but haven’t received a response. He joined the army, and still has not stopped contacting me. They’re teaching him how to use a gun! I tried to get a hold of an official on his base, but they treated me like I was crazy.
I just want this to stop. I just want to move on with my life, but he won't let me. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve run out of options.