[soapie2812]

Sorry, this is long...

I got married in 2001 and separated from my husband about a year later. I began dating someone new and became pregnant with my son. My ex-boyfriend was with me at the time my son was born, but could not have his name on the birth certificate, as I was still married. My son's father and I split up when my son was almost 6 months old. I am now dating someone new and have been with him for 4 years. (We began dating when my son was 8 months old) I currently am still married to the guy I married in 2001, and am just now beginning divorce procedures. I have a 2 month old daughter with my current boyfriend and I have been told by a lawyer that in order to keep my ex-husband from having to pay child support, we would need to agree to a legitimization process where my ex-husband would agree he is not the father of my children, my boyfriend would agree to responsibility for the children and I would agree with both of them.

I wasn't able to go into detail on the situation with my son with this lawyer, but I'm eager to find out what can be done so my boyfriend can be considered my son's father. I won't be able to speak with this lawyer for another week. My son's biological father visited him VERY rarely until my son was 2, he never paid child support, but I encouraged his visitation until he got married and had another child. At that point, I knew since he barely had time for my son as it was, I didn't want to upset my son because "daddy" couldn't come see him, so I suggested that he not see my son anymore, unless my son asked for him. I continued to send him pictures of my son and kept him updated. He sent a birthday present once, sent an email on Christmas, and after that, I haven't heard from him in over 2 years.

What I am asking is, what are my ex-boyfriend's rights and does he even need to be involved with the legitimization or can we do it without telling him? And if we procede without involving him, and he later requests a paternity test, would it harm my credibility in a custodial suit not having him in this?

Even though he is not involved in my son's life, for pride's sake, he probably would not agree to allowing my boyfriend to accept paternity. There are no legal ties stating that he is my son's father. (i.e. he did not sign an affidavit of paternity, my son has my last name, and he does not, and has not, provided any financial support.) At this time, I don't believe he would pursue a fight for custody, but were he to find out about this situation, it might fuel his fire to do so.

Should I involve him to be safe, or is there a legal way to keep him out of it? I live in Tennessee.

[Lawrence D. Gorin, Atty.]

YOUR QUESTION:
I have been told by a lawyer that in order to keep my ex-husband from having to pay child support, we would need to agree to a legitimization process where my ex-husband would agree he is not the father of my children, my boyfriend would agree to responsibility for the children and I would agree with both of them.

ANSWER: This may not be entirely correct. More accurately, husband's presumptive paternity of the child has to disestablished (delegitimized). Often accomplished through the divorce proceeding. Then your boyfriend (who is not the child's biological father) would have to adopt the child. (Adoption is the method by which a man who is not the child's biological father and who was not married to the mother at time of child's birth establishes himself as the child's legal father.)

YOUR QUESTION: I'm eager to find out what can be done so my boyfriend can be considered my son's father.

ANSWER: See above. Your boy can be considered as your son's father by adopting your son.

YOUR QUESTION:What I am asking is, what are my ex-boyfriend's rights and does he even need to be involved with the legitimization or can we do it without telling him?

ANSWER: This all depends on the law your state. So you need to keep your appointment with the lawyer.

YOUR QUESTION:
And if we procede without involving him, and he later requests a paternity test, would it harm my credibility in a custodial suit not having him in this?

ANSWER: Once the child is properly and legally adopted by your boyfriend, the child's biological father will thereafter have no legal rights (and no legal basis to request a paternity test).

[soapie2812]

Thank you. I appreciate the clarification.