Mother Became Pregnant Against Wishes Of Father

nateslame · #1 02-20-2008, 11:56 AM

I recently moved from WI to FL for a job. While living in WI I had an on and off relationship for 3 years. The woman i was with told me that she was on birth control, and we had no problems for the 3 years we were seeing each other. Then one month before i left she suddenly becomes pregnant. I requested that she abort because neither of us planned this and i have no interest in being a father to her children (I know this sounds harsh but the situation is much more complex and on going than i have time to explain). She said she would, i sent her money to pay for it, she did not go thru with it.

Shortly after i find out she did not have the abortion, she tells me that she was with someone else while i was on vacation and the ultrasound dates the pregnancy to this time period. So there is a chance that it is not mine.

She does not want to be with this other person and has actually filed a restraining order against him. He wants to have the child (and i believe that he has filed to have a paternity test).

I do not want to have a child with her, i made this clear before, during and after all of this has happened. I feel that she made a unilateral decision that will effectively trap me in a relationship with her for the next 18 years.

What is my legal recourse? Can i deny a test? As much as i would like to take care of my child, i know that she will turn her against me with all of her energy. I will end up being totally despised and used and connected to a person (the mother) that i want nothing to do with.

If i can not deny the test should i file to have one in FL? To establish the state of the case? Will this create a situation where she would have to travel to FL for court process? What state will give me more control?

If you have any other advise please let me know, the due date is soon and there is going to be a test with the other person first. This may solve this problem entirely but if it doesn't i need to be ready to deal with the situation.

LawResearcherMissy · #2 02-20-2008, 09:25 PM

Quote:

I feel that she made a unilateral decision that will effectively trap me in a relationship with her for the next 18 years.

Did you have sex without a backup method of contraception? Yes? Then the decision was not "unilateral". Your choice was made when you proceeded without benefit of a raincoat.

Pills fail. All it takes is to miss one, or take an antibiotic or be sick and vomit shortly after taking your pill. Don't be so quick to yell "entrapment!"

Can you refuse a paternity test? Sure. Then she can take you to court and you can be ORDERED to have one. And if you skip that? You can be legally named the father of the child, even if you might not be.

Quote:

As much as i would like to take care of my child

Stop there. Own your words and volunteer for the test.

And if the child is yours? Get a court order establishing visitation and support. You can have a good relationship with your child without more than being civil to your former lover.

Happy Trails · #3 02-20-2008, 10:03 PM

If the other guy turns out not to be the father, you are not going to have the case moved to Florida.

This isn't about you and which state gives you more control.

Jurisdiction will be in the "Home State".

Lawrence D. Gorin, Atty. · #4 02-20-2008, 11:02 PM

First off, there are competing interests here (assuming you are in fact the biological father of the child). The pregnant woman has a constitutional right to carry the pregnancy to term and give birth. She cannot be compelled to have an abortion. Correspondingly, she also has a constitutional right (subject to certain limited statutory restrictions in some states) to terminate the pregnancy and not give birth, if that is what she decides to do. Bottom line: Once she is pregnant the situation is beyond your control, and you have no say in the matter.

Whether this is viewed as good law or bad law is at this point irrelevant. And while this may be unfair, unreasonable, illogical, etc., it is not illegal (which is all that really counts). Sometimes we just have to deal with the law we have rather than the law we wish we had.)

But this is not to say that you do not also have constitutional rights. You do. You (like the pregnant woman) have a constitutional right to "not procreate." In other words, you have a constitutional right not to be a parent.

Thus, while both men and woman have the option "to refuse parenthood," the time to exercise the option and the manner in which it is done differs between men and women. But what needs to be understood is that the differing treatment accorded to men and women in this circumstance is due not the laws of government but rather to the laws of Nature.

You had the right to not procreate and not become a parent. The problem is the failure to have effectively exercised that right in a timely manner. And the result, unfortunately, is that you may now end-up being treated in the eyes of the law (and in the eyes of the mother) as simply being a sperm donor with a wallet.

After the child is born, the mother (or a child support enforcement agency) will most likely, at some point, take legal action to establish paternity of the child. If you are on the receiving end of such legal action, you will have the right to deny the paternity allegation and cause DNA parentage testing to be done. In the absence of an exclusionary result, the testing lab will most likely render a report that says that the likelihood (or probability) of your biological paternity of the tested child is at least 99.9 percent (in comparison to a hypothetical randomly selected man of the same racial/ethnic background as you, using a 50 percent prior probability assumption). While this is somewhat deceptive and misleading, and not all that it is cracked-up to be (despite all the media hype in recent years), it is nonetheless viewed and accepted by most people as being "proof of the truth." Indeed, most states have enacted laws or rules that specify some minimum percentage probability (e.g., 95% or 99%, or some other percent that is less than 100%) as being sufficient evidence, by itself and without more, on which to declare legal paternity.

You could, of course, refuse to submit to such tests. But in such event, you might end-up being held in contempt of court and, depending on state law, may have the question of paternity resolved against you simply on the basis of your refusal to submit. Generally not the smartest idea.

LDG

PS: I am not unsympathetic to your situation. I represent far more men than women in paternity cases. Nonetheless, while I do not enjoy being the bearer of bad news, that is about all one can offer given the facts you are presenting.

nateslame · #5 02-21-2008, 07:41 AM

So basically, if the other guy does not turn out to be the father, she has every right to demand a DNA test, and I have to submit?

How will the "home state" be determined? Will i have to travel to WI for every hearing? Can't i establish a case here first and have FL be the jurisdiction? Giving me a chance a being a part of my child's life?

So, basically I have become a donor with a wallet, and my best option is to go along for the ride and just start paying for a child that will very likely be turned against me from day one? That i will not be able to have a healthy relationship with and will in all reality only be mine genetically?

(If a pill was missed, if anti-biotic's were being taken, if the pill was regurgitated, I should have been notified. In any of those cases I would take the extra precaution, with out that information I am left out of the decision. Also taking care of a child is not just paying some money once a month it is having close contact as an infant, it is teaching it right from wrong, it is providing safety and love....and that will be stripped from me.)

525601minutes · #6 02-21-2008, 07:55 AM

If the child is yours - why do you say you can not have a healthy relationship with it? That is completely up to you and how you choose to handle the situation.

I STRONGLY suggest you get a grip on the idea that it takes TWO things to make a child - a sperm and an egg. If you wanted a 100% guarantee that your sperm never implanted in an egg then you should not have had sex. PERIOD. No method of birth control is 100% effective - even vasectomies have failed and produced children.

If the child turns out to be yours, you are equally responsible for the pregnancy and the sooner you get a grip on that the easier it will be for you to move on with this situation.

nateslame · #7 02-21-2008, 08:12 AM

Also, if the mother does not pursue legal action right away is there a statue of limitations on her ability to do so?

If she does wait for 5-10 years to establish paternity and I am the father will I be liable for back support for those years?

If someone was to sign the birth certificate (she has a boyfriend right now) would that waive her ability to pursue me in the future? On the flip side if that happens can I request a paternity test?

aaron · #8 02-21-2008, 08:19 AM

If you want to ensure that your paternity is promptly recognized, you can file your own paternity action. She can seek to establish paternity and child support until the child reaches adulthood.

nateslame · #9 02-21-2008, 08:29 AM

I knew that I would be taking flack from people on this subject. It is very sensitive and with out all of the details it is hard to understand the situation I am currently involved in, and I don't expect you too.

I would love to work with the mother and raise a child the best I can, but that just isn't going to happen.

#10 02-21-2008, 08:39 AM

Quoting nateslame

I knew that I would be taking flack from people on this subject. It is very sensitive and with out all of the details it is hard to understand the situation I am currently involved in, and I don't expect you too.

I would love to work with the mother and raise a child the best I can, but that just isn't going to happen.

You havent even tried yet.