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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    4

    Angry Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    In 1999 I signed guardianship of my daughter over to her grandmother (on the dads side) before I went to prison with the understanding that when I got out and could prove I was going to stay out of trouble and be clean and sober that I could get her back. when I got out of prison the grandmother told me that I had signed away all rights to my daughter and that I could never get her back. I have believed this for 9 years. I have kept in constant contact via mail phone and visits (when the grandmother allowed). My daughter is 10 and has been asking to come visit me for the past several years. When I ask her grandma about it , her answer is always "I'm just not ready for that and if you try to take her you will get in trouble for kid knapping". I have done every thing she ever asked me to do and I have been clean and sober for 7 years and have not been in trouble with the law since my release from prison. i went down last year to see my daughter and actualy stayed with her at her grandmas house for the entire month I was in oregon. About 3 weeks into my stay grandma flipped out on me and said I was there to steal my daughter and that she was going to have me arrested if I tried to take my daughter any where. This all happened after I had been allowed to take my daughter shopping and bowling and to the park and to visit my brother all unsupervised. I did my best to calm grandma down and I was able to reasure her I wasn't there to steal my daughter. She had told me before I went there last year that she was going to let my daughter come up to visit me in Alaska for the summer and then she flipped out and said all that and that she just wasn't ready for that. may be next summer she said.. so I asked her again after months of my daughter beggine me to ask and she did the same thing again. I am going down next month to speak to an attorney and see what I can do to at the very least get some sortt of visits set in stone so that grandma can't keep playing games. But I wanted to know.. Is guardianship perminent?? And did I sign my rights away??? Or could I have done some thing to get my daughter long before now??? I live in Alaska now.. they are in Oregon...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,111

    Default Re: Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    What do the guardianship papers say?

    Typically, they will specify whether the arrangement is temporary and what the time frame is before you have to go back to court and either petition for permanent guardianship or extend the arrangement.

    Have you talked to an attorney?
    I'm not a lawyer, but I play a researcher on the internet!
    Caution: I bite. WARNING: Do not send questions or complaints by PM. I'm likely to post them publicly and embarrass you half to death.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    4

    Unhappy Re: Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    At the top of the page it says "STIPULATED ORDER APPOINTING GUARDIAN" but I don't see any thing or any where that it says "temporary" or for what length of time... I have called the court house where they were filed and requested a copy of the whole file... As my friend said she went and looked at the file and it said in the actual file that it was suposed be for the duration of my incarceration. And yes I did speak to an attorney a little.. enough that I am going to Oregon next month to talk further for consultation and he will tell me what he recomends and "if " there is a chance for me to get her back. My only problem with fighting for full termination of guardianship is that I don't want to make my daughter move up here away from the life she has known for 9 years and up root her cense os stability... although she is asked for several years if she can visit and her grandma keeps saying the same thing.. " I am just not ready for that". So I at the very least want co-guardianship or joint guardianship... and set in stone visits so that her Grandma can't keep playing games.. Do they do those kind of things.."co or joint guardianship"? But also there are other things that I think about .. such as Grandma has been on me finacilly as of the past 6 months... asking for substancial amounts of money ( money I just don't have) I do send money when I can and I order clothes for my daughter when she needs them and send her letters and gifts and cards and I call every weekend... Usually on both Sunday and Saturday. While I was down there last year.. grandma let me take my daughter with me every where.. like bowling ,shopping, to visit my family.. and she let me take her to spend the night at my brothers for a visit with them... But during those times she had "things to do" such as go see her lover that was not the man she was living with... Any way... I guess I didn't want to think that she would lie to me about the papers ... but for 9 years she has told me i that signed parental rights away and had no rights as far as being the mother... after last year and grandma flipping out on me...and threatening me with kidknapping charges... i started looking into it..
    now since my daughter is asking to come up.. I feel it is my obligation to check into this and do what my daughter wants done. My daughter has told me she isn't sure if she is ready to come live with me... but she wants to come visit and see what things are like here... So that is what I want to do for her... I would love for her to come up and live here.. but also want to do what is best for my daughter... But grandma won't even consider letting her come visit.. and after grandma asking for the money I feel like she is holding my daughter for "randsome" so to speak... and after she asks for the money .. when I tell her I don't have that kind of money she doesn't take my calls for weeks afterward...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Austin, Texas
    Posts
    65

    Default Re: Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    I don't want to make my daughter move up here away from the life she has known for 9 years and up root her cense os stability.
    First, you need to make sure that your daughter's grandmother knows how appreciative you are that she stepped up to the plate and raised your daughter when you were unable to, and that you do not want to remove your daughter from the only home she has ever known. Congratulations on your sobriety and that you have the good judgment to know that it is in your daughter's best interest to have stability.

    Second, you need to get updated court orders - by agreement if possible- that give primary custody to grandma and a regular visitation schedule to you. The visitation should start with short visits (supervised if necessary) and increase over time. Three weeks was too long for the visit you mentioned.

    Third, you need pay child support on a regular basis. Sending money "when you can" isn't good enough.

    Fourth, drop the snide comments about the boyfriend and state of Grandma's marriage.

    Fifth, try to be understanding that Grandma is acting out of fear, and she may not understand the guardianship order herself.

    Finally, please (please) stop punctuating with ellipses... instead of periods... Your first post was so much easier to read and you came across as so much more intelligent because you punctuated properly with periods.

    Where is your daughter's father?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    I did and have made it quite clear how grateful I am to grandma for her time and her supporting my daughter all this time. I don't fight with her and I never talk bad about her to my daughter. Which is some thing she has done to my daughter about me. Duragatory statements is not what I intended. I was trying to make it clear her frame of mind. Last years visit was not the first and not the last. I have been to see her several times. I am not trying to under mind the task that grandma took on. She lets me have her and be there when it is convienent for her. Only on her time. And not in my home. But down there I can take her where I want or go visit and spend the night with my family when it is good timing for grandma.I am not 2 please don't talk to me as though I am. I don't need advice on how to talk or punctuate. I asked for advice on what course of action I could take to get visitation.... I have been more then capable to take care of my daughter for several years. My point was that grandma has lied to me about the type of papers I signed. I am not in any way going to try to say I am perfect or that I should have had her back the day I was released. I needed time to get on my feet and prove I could be a mother. I understand that. I know how hard it was for her. Her own children have asked for her to let my daughter come visit me here. And my daughters dad is still using drugs and lives about 20 miles from them. But won't go see her unless grandma wants to pay him to "babysit" his own daughter. I do send money . Maybe not all the time or every month. But more often then not. But grandma has been asking for thousands of dollars at a time in the past several months. I do not have that kind of money.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Austin, Texas
    Posts
    65

    Default Re: Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    You thought that was derogatory? Okay, but I didn't intend it to be. The courses of action you can take to get visitation are: 1) hire a lawyer and sue for it; or 2) Negotiate an agreement for it and enter agreed orders.

    I'm no expert in family law, but I do know enough to know that it is much faster and less costly to agree to terms, and in order to do so you will probably have to be conciliatory instead of confrontational. Baby steps. You didn't say how long it has been since your incarceration ended. I assumed that you were rather recently released.

    If you get in front of a Judge asking for visitation, you are going to be ordered to pay child support. In my opinion, you should do so regardless of whether there is an Order.

    The ellipse thing is a pet peeve of mine. I think it makes people seem immature and poorly educated when they use that writing style. My advice in that regard was intended to remind you that you will fare better by showing your ability to communicate in an educated, intelligent manner (which you obviously can) than in childish textspeak.

    Good luck to all of you.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Austin, Texas
    Posts
    65

    Default Re: Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    You edited to add more info while I was responding.

    I'm not saying you should pay whatever she demands, or that you shouldn't be able to have the contact needed to fully develop your relationship with your daughter.

    I hope she will be reasonable when presented with a plan for formal visitation and all of the resources that are available can go toward the family and not to legal fees.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Is Guardianship Suposed To Be Permanent?

    Thank-you . My incarceration ended 6 years ago. I have been clean and sober since that time. And have been doing all that grandma has asked.Except of course I am not able to send her 2 thousand dollars at one time.Last year when I went down to visit it was at her request. And she had said if I came down to fly with my daughter that she could come up here for a summer visit. (Grandma did not want her to fly alone.) Then after having been down there for while was when she flipped out. And by that I mean she started screaming at me and threatening to call the police and told me to leave her house. When I got my stuff together and ready to leave she then came in my room and said she was sorry and told me she didn't mean it. And did not want me to leave. It is those types of head games that I am trying to avoid in hiring an attorney to resolve this issue. I do not want to cause more conflict and we generally get along. As I have gotten quite good at biting my tongue. I am sorry I said your comments was derogatory. I meant I was not trying to be derogatory when I made a the comments about grandmas "love life".

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