[ScaredFather]

I live in MASS. I really could use some help or guidance on this matter. I divorced my sons mother 6 years ago. Friends have always told me my son does not look like me. (let me tell you, it's a hard pill to swallow) Long story short, I had a paternity test on my son & I, I am extremely heartbroken to tell you, I am not my sons father
(Another hard pill to swallow)
My son is all I know, and I am the only father he knows. He is 15, and I was married to his mother for 11 years.

I feel the need to let my son know at some point in his life. If I were him at my age, I would want to know. Question is when? 18-19?

If I were to tell his mother this news...she would fight me tooth and nail and swear up & down I'm starting trouble. Also, if I did tell her, she would tell him any sort of lie to put this on me.

Can I have a court order on her to NOT tell him at such a young age?? Is there such a thing??

[LawResearcherMissy]

Fifteen is definitely a bad age to tell him. I've got one of those creatures in my house, they're too mercurial to handle that sort of news.

I suppose the question really centers on what benefit your son would have from knowing his true paternity. It's going to hurt him deeply and likely damage his relationship with his mother AND with you. What will he gain from this knowledge?

[ScaredFather]

I can never tell him...I do not want to lose his love.

Here's a question: If/when his mother decides one day to get nasty, is there anything I can say to her to "help" keep the peace? What sort of rights do I have at this point?

[las365]

How did you have the paternity test performed without your son's knowledge? Who have you told about this?

You need some counseling, stat. You need to deal with your anger at your ex-wife and grief over the loss of your son as your biological child before you say anything to anyone. I even suggest that you try to have compassion for your ex-wife who has held such a terrible secret for so long. She, too, has lived in fear and guilt because of this.

My opinion is that your son does deserve to know the truth at some point, but when? There will will never be a good time to tell him, only a time that might be less bad.

Your legal rights as your son's father are what they have always been. You will always be your son's daddy, no matter who provided the sperm.

You are in chaos. Try to be still. Do not make any rash moves. Get some help dealing with your emotions and in your decision-making process.

[ScaredFather]

I agree...some counseling could help me deal with this. Please don’t think I'm crazy or anything like that, that's NOT why I would seek counseling. But I do need to get this off my chest in a closed environment. I am being still, would never make a rash move... I have too much to lose and enjoy life just the way it is. I'm just scared right now and a bit confused on what I needed to do for my son. I was looking to anyone for some guidance and to point me in the right direction....I happened to stumble on this forum. Thank you for offering advice on such a delicate situation. I know this is probably something you've never dealt with before, or maybe it isn’t. At this point, I really feel sorry for my son. I will do what's right for MY SON by learning to deal with this first. As nutty as this may sound (others would probably feel totally different) I am not angry with my ex-wife. A little disappointed and feeling like a fool...but NOT angry. She is who she is..I cannot change that. She will need to live in secret; I've already faced the disappointing news for the both of us.

I obtained a buccal sample as a game we played at home one day….we have a microscope, samples were sent off.

To answer your other question: I have not told a single person, other than you.

Can I get in trouble for any of this??

[LawResearcherMissy]

Can I get in trouble for any of this??

I can't imagine how you would. There's nothing illegal about messing about with a microscope or sending samples off to a lab.

You don't need to do anything differently for your son. Just love him and care for him the same as you always have. It's not biology that makes a family.

Hang in there.

[ScaredFather]

Whomever you are..you made it very simple for me. Thank you, I guess I needed to hear this from anothers perspective. I will love him as much as I did before I knew this information.

I feel better also knowing I cannot get in trouble with the law over this. Thanks again for taking the time to help me. Take care everyone.