[mom3]

My situation is complicated, but I will try to give only pertinent facts. My 2 yr old son & I have been residents of Florida since he was 4 months old. I was unmarried when he was born & we were residents of KY. There is no father listed on his birth certificate. The man who I believe to be his biological father (who lives in Ky) has served me with a petition to order DNA testing and establish visitation rights.
I moved to Florida to reconcile with my ex-husband of 23 years. We have 2 grown children together & were only separated 1 year after the divorce. We are living together, un-re-married, and he has accepted this child as his own, and we are providing a stable, loving home. He is more than willing to sign an affidavit stating he is the father of this child. The alleged biological father is unmarried and makes less than half the income we provide. In addition, we are crazy about this boy, only want the best for him, and don't want him to be drug back & forth between Ky and Fl.
In addition, I was pressured by the alleged biological father to give the child his last name; so I did. Before I left Ky, when the baby was 4 mo. old, I went to court and had his name legally changed to mine ( and my ex-husband). On this legal document, I named my ex-husband as the father. This was never questioned and the judge signed the order to legally change his name with my ex-husband listed on this order as the biological father.
In the alleged father's petition, he states that I told him he was the father, and that we "engaged in sexual intercourse" between such and such dates. He has never given any financial support and I have never requested it.
Are these facts legal grounds for forcing me to take a paternity test? I can't believe any man can just point the finger and say, "Hey, I had sex with that woman and that baby must be mine!" Doesn't he need some proof more than this? Or does the fact that I gave the baby his last name come into play? I could have given the baby that name because I like it couldn't I? Also, doesn't the court order changing the baby's name, signed by a judge, naming my ex-husband as father become relevant? To date, there is no proof that any of us have given a false statement. Wouldn't Florida statutes recognize this order as an acknowledgment of paternity since a judge signed the order?

[aardvarc]

A judge can sign an order changing a name for just about ANY reason. That in and of itself doesn't over-rule ACTUAL establishment of paternity via DNA testing. The court can, based on his belief, the fact that you two were playing house together during the time in question, and aided by the fact that you did give the child HIS last name, order you to submit to the test (in fact that's way MORE than they need to order the test). If it turns out that he's the father, you can count on him getting some kind of visitation/custody, as well as a child support order. (And don't make the common mistake of thinking that you can withhold visitation if he's not paying - they are two separate issues and that won't fly.) You two will have to work with the court to come to some arrangement as far as visitation (and the travel and other costs associated) since you're in separate states. If he's willing to pursue the matter, you can pretty much count on him being at least some part of the child's life until the child reaches 18. If you had been married to your ex, he would have been presumed to be the father, but even so, if a paternity test establishes otherwise, you'd be back in the same boat. The court isn't likely to be happy that you conspired with your re-ex in trying to circumvent the potential bio father's access to the child - with both of you pretty darn sure that the re-ex couldn't have been the father (you weren't even in the same STATE when the child was conceived) and if the bio father gets a kick ass attorney, that course of action is certainly NOT going to be viewed in a favorable light by the court. Nor will your re-ex's offer to knowingly lie on a legal document saying he's the father lead to any possible outcome with a positive spin on it.

Courts have been known to re-assign custody altogether when one parent tries to carve the other parent out of the picture, and it looks like a lot of that going on here. You can't change the events up to this point, but from here on out, it's in your best interest and the child's best interest if you try to work WITH the situation, and not against it. A really good (and cheap, fortunately) book on the topic is

Joint Custody With A Jerk

I strongly recommend that you check it, or something like it, out ASAP so that you can start getting used to the idea of bio dad being in the picture where this child is concerned (assuming that the paternity test establishes him as the father).