[allforone]

Hi, I am an adult (Born in Louisiana) who have found her alleged biological father after nearly 30 years. Understanding that it is a 95% chance that he is my dad, I have attempted to pursue a DNA test with this man over the past few years, just to be sure. He has agreed "verbally' that a DNA test is a good idea, however he is not responding to my letters/calls, and is often hard to reach. I was very saddened to hear the comments that were given to adults in regards to this issue. Sure we are adults, however, it is of many reasons, that we feel that we have a right to want to know whom our biological parent is. Although; I had decided years ago to put the issue to rest, because of the fact that my alleged father has not responded, and I began to think that he may not want to know the truth. However; my kids are constantly bringing up the issue of "who's their grandfather", and it hurts not to have an answer for them. As they are very "family oriented" loving children and therefore, they would love to meet their grandfather, or at least know who he is, as well I. Not everyone wants to pursue a paternity after so many years for selfish reasons. I just want to know, and to have some peace in my heart, for myself and my kids. What advice can you offer me? Thanks!

[Happy Trails]

Have you written to him your reasons for wanting to find out if he is your bio father?

There are a lot of reasons an alleged father may not want to find out that legally he is the father. Maybe you can address those issues with him and see if he will go forward with the testing.

However, even if proven, you may be setting yourself up for a disappointment, as he still may not want any kind of relationship with you.

I know there are many reasons that you may have to find this out, and they do not necessarily mean you are being selfish.

[allforone]

Actually; I have thought a whole lot about how the outcome could affect myself,and my family, as well as his. At the same token, I just assumed, why wouldn't my alleged father would want to know if I was his daughter. Especially; after being told by my mom that he was always a nice, decent, and understanding person. (which is why I chose to pursue this)Nevertheless; a man of his statue, and well known worldwide. Truthfully I really thought about just saying to hell with it, if he does not care about his "would be daughter" enough to want to establish a relationship, then I might as well be better off not knowing who he "really" is. Furthermore, I could be setting my self up for a big dissappointment.
I just need to find right words for my kids' questions, regarding my dad, and their grandfather. They are young yet so smart ,and inquisitive.

Your comments are so true, and all of that did cross my mind!

Thanks for listening and responding!

[jeno]

See my post...Does Dismissal Of Paternity Suit Violate Child's Civil Rights? on this forum. There is some great advice on there that was given to me [although not initially in the post]. It may or may not be something I can pursue but at least I feel like I have an option. I sent you a private email too but I'm new to this and I'm not sure if you got it [or if you are still looking at your post ].

You need to look into the rights you may have in the state he lives in...my circumstance is similar. This information will probably not be volunteered to you. I also have children that are curious and I feel bad about it. But stronger in me is the desire to know the truth--no matter how ugly it is. Good Luck! I think whether we choose to take action or not, it feels good to be validated...don't you think?