Police Misinterpret Scene At Home, Restraining Husband

[Need advice now]

My husband and I had an argument while we had both been drinking. He did get somewhat physical and my son came up behind him and was trying to hit him...my husband accidentally kicked him while trying to move away. I then ran out of the house and tripped. I hit my tooth and my mouth was bleeding. My husband took off and I did call the police. They came here and saw a hole in the wall along with my mouth and are "assuming" he did that even though I told them what really happened. They did arrest him the next night and are charging him with 2 counts of domestic assault. There is a drinking problem as a concern but I am NOT afraid of him at all!! I also want to get this "no contact" order dropped and they said I had to wait for court and "ask" the judge!!! I want all charges dropped is there any way of convincing them or the judge that I AM NOT a beat wife that I really am not scared and want my husband home???? Also not one time in the "complaint" is alcohol mentioned which is to me very pertinent information. There are also "twisted" statements.
Any advice???

[cyjeff]

You are going to have to talk to a judge.

Oh, and I would avoid the alcohol defense. I am not sure how well that "my husband normally wouldn't have kicked my son but he was drunk" will work in court.

[SuzieQ]

So... you are not afraid of your husband... so why did you call the police? Your husband had already left... hopefully to cool off.

While I have all the sympathy in the world for people truly being abused. I have no sympathy for people who use tax payer resources (police - courts) as a way to punish or retaliate against a spouse.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Picking up the phone and calling the police is SERIOUS. They have a job to do and they take it seriously... as they should. They are not referees, marriage counselors, Judge Judy or the "love police." The official attitude toward domestic situations is to treat them as life threatening. As they should... domestic violence calls statistically are some of the most life threatening calls an officer can respond to.

Every time someone uses the police recklessly, they drain resources from people who truly need help. Imagine that those officers you wasted the time of were needed at another domestic situation... and because they were unavailble, the dispatch had to send other officers that were further away. They get there too late and someone dies.

Your actions have consequences.

The police have a hard enough job as it is without dealing with frivolous calls. If they show up at your house... their job is to assume the worst and deal with it.

So if you cried "wolf" ...then deal with it. Be an adult and take responsibility for your actions. The expense, the time, everything. Get your hubby, and you, into counseling AND alcohol treatment (getting drunk in front of your child - you should be ashamed - what are you trying to do, sabotage their life?) and next time you get in a fight... stop and walk away from each other till you cool off.

You and your husband both have a serious drinking problem if you drink to the point of losing control and do it in front of your child. Get in a program, find a wholesome hobby, preferrably something you can do with your child as a family. Take up roller-skating, bowling, board games, sign up for an arts and crafts class at the community center. Something that does not involve alcohol and instead involves you setting a good example for your child and building that relationship.

By the way... something like 75% of people in prison are there because of substance abuse. Either they have an abuse problem, or committed a crime while under the influence because their judgement was impaired. Children learn by watching their parents. Do you LOVE your child? Then get your life together and start being a responsible parent.

[panther10758]

My husband and I had an argument while we had both been drinking. He did get somewhat physical and my son came up behind him and was trying to hit him...my husband accidentally kicked him while trying to move away. I then ran out of the house and tripped. I hit my tooth and my mouth was bleeding. My husband took off and I did call the police. They came here and saw a hole in the wall along with my mouth and are "assuming" he did that even though I told them what really happened. They did arrest him the next night and are charging him with 2 counts of domestic assault. There is a drinking problem as a concern but I am NOT afraid of him at all!! I also want to get this "no contact" order dropped and they said I had to wait for court and "ask" the judge!!! I want all charges dropped is there any way of convincing them or the judge that I AM NOT a beat wife that I really am not scared and want my husband home???? Also not one time in the "complaint" is alcohol mentioned which is to me very pertinent information. There are also "twisted" statements.
Any advice???

Honestly I think you being les than honest with us and yourself over this matter. The Police acted in accordance with the law and now your husband will face the consequences. Your lucky CPS is not investigating you as well. You want to help save your marriage and family get entire family into therapy today!

[aardvarc]

I want all charges dropped is there any way of convincing them or the judge that I AM NOT a beat wife that I really am not scared and want my husband home????

You might feel that way today, but apparantly you didn't at the time. Once you request intervention from the criminal justice system, that's what you'll get - because while you might not mind being the victim of a crime, no one ELSE (the cops, the judge, your neighbors, every tax payer) wants there to be a NEXT time (if not for your own sake and safety, then for the benefit of your kids who certainly don't need to be around this type of thing).

The problem is that regardless of what you want, and to what degree or not you are beaten, a crime has been committed. Just because you have money in a bank doesn't mean you get to say it's ok for that bank to be robbed. Similarly, you don't get to say that it's ok for someone else to commit a crime against you (particularly in front of your kids). Domestic violence USED to work that way. But after many years and thousands of deaths, the system finally got strong and serious on it. Most of the dead ones said the same thing "he didn't mean it", "it was a one time thing", "it's only because he was drinking". "I'm not a beat wife"...etc.

By the way, just for giggles, I'll add that some 65% or so of male minors killed in the home died while trying to protect their mothers from domestic violence (although I have seen estimated numbers as high as the mid 70%).

[Need advice now]

My husband did not kick my son intentionally nor did my son get hurt....I realize that there are situations where a woman may say "I am not a beat wife etc" and that not be true. I am not. Nor is my son abused.
I know that laws are strict due to deaths from domestic violence however I also believe that the "system" is allowing a woman to act as if she has no choice and no ability to make decisions for herself. There are to many resources out there nowdays for "I can't leave but I want to". At what point does a woman take her brain back? No matter how abused man/or woman may be they will always always have choice that is something nobody can take away (except the gov't)
CPS did get involved, it is not an open case. However she did give me some very frustrating scenerios. I asked what she thought may happen, her response. "I don't know. I had a case the other day a daycare woman shook a baby to brain damage, admitted it and got probation because she had no criminal history!!!!!!!!" Sad thing is, my husband does. Some crimes against property. However EVERYTHING he has ever done does not come close to what this lady did and she got probation!!!!
I guess from what I have experienced thus far from the justice system, I am very disappointed and all my trust in it that I ever did have is gone.

Anyway, we did go to court and the judge did not drop the no contact even though I was there and spoke of my WANT for it to be dropped. I had agreed to have a no contact because I was under the impression from what I was told that I had the ability to remove it(when we both cooled off and sobered up), then found out it had to wait until court, then found out I CAN'T. I HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!!!!
Also, went down to the police station to get a copy of the police report I by law am entitled to....denied that too. Finally did get it 2 days later when I realized my rights were violated once again.
Believe me, SUZIE Q. I will never involve the system again.

[cyjeff]

I am really confused by this thread.

You called the police and now you are surprised that EXACTLY what you intended to happen is happening?

The judge apparently thinks it is safer for everyone if you two have a little more time to "sober up and cool off".

[Need advice now]

Theres nothing confusing about it. I never intended to have a year long no contact order put on, I never intended for my husband to sit in jail for 2 months and face prison time.
And do you have any idea what the odds are of something like this going to trial, can my husband legally be charged for domestic assault being that it was an accident and why would the police not ask that question to my son, my son expained fully that he knows my husband did not hurt him and was not trying to hurt him. ........and he's not RECANTING!!!!!
Sometimes it isn't about recanting, sometimes it really is about the TRUTH!
Does anybody on here have an open mind that can see not EVERY case is the same?
I am 100 lbs and had 20 beers in me that day, I was angry and accusing my husband of cheating (please don't twist this like I am blaming myself!)
The police statements DO NOT reflect what happened and NOBODY should face prison time because they THINK a woman is "recanting".

[panther10758]

Clearly the DA feels theres a case and clearly the DA and judge feel that he poses a danger to you! While you wait for outcome of his case I suggest (strongly) you seek help for both your drinking problem and the abuse issues within the home. If you drank 20 beers and only weigh 100 lbs. Then you are a chronic drinker because no social drinker could drink that much and remain standing