Can Stay-At-Home Mom Be Forced To Work

[moonlief73]

I have to comment on something I've noticed everyone do on this website at least once. I am equally guilty of it & I understand the thought process. However! After dealing with a Governmental system like Child Support services, it looks so ridiculous. I am referring to the following statement. . .

Happy Trails,

Extortion? Get real...this man left me with the possiblilty of VD which took 6 months to get the final results, is pretending to have back problems, and my children cry several nights a week. He has spent $28, ooo in one year on his affair. I am protecting my family's money and protecting my children's future, and you say its extortion?? I was loyal for 10 years, a great mother, and took great care of his business, and you tell me this is exgtortion?

Perhaps I should not do this, perhaps I should let him spend all the money and let me live in poverty, and this will free up several more thousand dollars to be used on adult escort services. Would that make you happier, Happy Trails?
Reply With Quote

Here is something you may or may not know. If you don't know it, then I will inform you of it. It does not help you one iota to talk about how evil your ex is. Your ex-husband could have beheaded every dog, cat, bird & even gold fish in your neighborhood, raped 100 hookers, giving all of them AIDS, bulldozed every house on your block, beat you, cut your nose off & then left you for another woman or man, & Child Support services only wants to know the facts about your case. Where does your ex-husband work? Does he have the children? If so then how long? If not then are you the custodial parent? How much do you make? bla bla bla & more bla bla bla! The best way you can help yourself is by avoiding adding all the extras. CS does not care about your personal problems & never, absolutely NEVER EVER executes a child support case against your ex based on how much you hate your ex. You could run up & down every street in America, screaming that your ex does not show what he actually makes, & CS will only tell you that if you have proof of this, to bring that proof before a judge, & take steps from there. The sooner you accept that CS is more like a computer program that only computes facts, the sooner you will adjust & make the right moves. CS only acts human if you are socially skilled enough, to expose that side. If you are even lucky, you might only see a glimpse before they put that CS mask on again. . .

[Mr. Knowitall]

He said he wants to fire me from his business and wants me to get employed within 6 months.

So you are already working. Why should you get to stop, just because you break up?

[trisha123]

To moonlief,

Thanks for your insight.
I do have some proof that he earns a great more than he reports. I have bank statements. But this only proves some of his unclaimed income.

The second source of income that is hidden is that he cashes a lot of checks right at the bank. I know this because he accidently left the bank receipts on the table, and I xeroxed them. But this is only a small amount of what he cashes. The only way I can prove all of the cashed checks is to report him, which is exactly what I told him I would do if he doesn't support us. This is much more complicated. And according to this forum it is "extortion". It is his choice, support us or I have no choice but to report him as that is the only way to track cashed checks done right at the bank. He hurt us, and I will not go into poverty because he is gone off the deep end.

I would appreciate any information on how to track unclaimed income, thanks in advance. Do you know what the courts need? Do they need several years of proof or just one year?

To Mr. Know it All: I did not break up with him. He annouced that he wanted this prostitute to move in with us. He said if I didn't like it, take the kids and move out. He is a very established businessman, upper class and educated. I was and still am stunned. I helped him enormously for 10 years, and I feel he makes enough money to support us. The 120K is the amount of money after taxes. How much does a family need to make? When is enough enough? We are fortunate to have this income, and I believe if possilbe, children need one parent to stay home. He always agreed with this. I feel so strongly that I will not go back to work...I am willing to relocate to a very inexpensive area in the United States so that I can live off of my savings. Even with 120K I buy everything at second hand stores and drive a very old car. I simply value the belief of one parent being at home, and I will try to uphold this as best as possible. Working for him was different...the kids could come and we built a playroom at his office for them to run wild in. I could schedule my time anytime...it was a family business.
He has gone mad. He cracked up...I don't know what happened. The lady doesn't even speak English. He told me he won't let me leave the state. He sees the kids only 7 hours a week, and often is unpredictable...one day happy and buying toys...then putting them down. He refuses to talk about the future.

Thank you in advance for any legal advice.

[Baystategirl]

Trisha...You need to do a search of this and other forums for child support and custody threads for your state. This will give you an idea of what YOU can expect. But I have to tell you that your expectations are so unrealistic as to be laughable. I say this in all honesty and with no malice intended. You need to learn the legal reality of your situation and deal with that reality. You will be hammered in court if you brought up half of the totally irrelevant issues you have "discussed" on your thread here. And no! I am not in favor of prostitution, non-support of CHILDREN nor are my moral values lacking. So don't go there ...either on this thread or by "love" letter to my pm.

[trisha123]

Hello Baystate girl,

Yes, I will definitely start looking for other threads. And your insight is good...I have never been in court except for once...I probably have a lot to learn. It is sad that it is set up that way. My ex is exceptionally good in court and is there many times due to business and has a track record of winning.

As far as extortion: turning him in because he is not reporting the full amount (and therefore I end up with very litlle) will not be considered extortion. I talked with a child support facilitator. The government will heavily penalize him and demand back their money. However in the state I am in, child support supercedes the government, so it will be based on a (actual) high amount, and I get to collect before the government does.

I believe this will also give me more credence if child custody is ever an issue. (Currently he is quite happy for me to have the children.)

However: for me it never was and never will be considered extortion. It is damn good parenting...that money should be spent on my kids, not his lady. And that is my decision whether or not anyone in the world agrees. I invest any extra for their future, and I believe it is my moral obligation to get as much as I can because he is wasting away my children's future.

Thank you again for your insight about the courts...I will surely lose if I don't smarten up, and whether I agree with anyone or not, you have all been helpful to smarten up to the realities of court. Any other insight will be gratefully accepted.
T.

P.S. for whatever it is worth: I also know my ex for 10 years, and I can guarantee you that on his death bed he would be very grateful that I grabbed all I could for the kids. He was not this way...I am not clear what happened.

[moonlief73]

I am not a lawyer, but I have often prided myself for being logical like Mr. Spock from Star Trek. So here is a slice of logic for you. I doubt that whatever you find on your ex, should be reported to CS. Let us assume that your ex-husband avoided showing unreported income. I suspect that if you wanted to report that to an organization, you might want to report that to the IRS. The IRS in turn would do their own investigation. The results from that investigation could be used in court to award you a larger sum of child support each month. But here is the flip side of that coin. If the IRS indeed finds that your ex-husband has been cheating or avoiding the tax system of this country, he will be forced to pay back those taxes. Since you were married to him, & must have had knowledge of this, I suspect that the IRS would Levi a judgment against you as well. Crime does not pay. The position you are arguing from suggests that you were okay with what your ex-husband was doing so long as you benefited from it. You might want to take a step back & take a good look at your situation before you make any decisions. It sounds to me that you were a stay at home mother, who enjoyed the life of being a stay at home Mom. Now that it looks like that life is going to end, you are swinging your boxing gloves in every direction & at your ex. You have made statements on this website that suggests that you are jumping into something you are not ready for. It may suck, but you might have to get a job like everyone else & work. If you are the custodial parent(that is the parent who lives with the kids), you are 100% guaranteed to get Child Support. That will help pay the bills for the kids, but will not allow you to live rent free without a job. . .

[moburkes]

I'm still trying to figure out how all of this was acceptable before she found out about the hooker, and why she expects a lover to support HER. If she wanted spousal support, she should have gotten a spouse.

[moonlief73]

Oh wait! She was not married to him? She wants spousal support? That changes everything. Trish can get child support, but nothing else if I am right. She might get a jail sentence along with her boyfriend if she continues down the road she is going. Trish? I would seriously keep my mouth shut if I were you. You better hope that your ex-boyfriend keeps his mouth shut as well. It sounds like whatever he was doing, you were involved. His fate is connected with yours. Right now you are angry. I stick by my original advice that you step back & consider the situation you are in now. It might be a walk in the park compared to the can of worms that you might open by trying to destroy your ex. . .

[cissycicle]

IF the OP worked part time and is "laid off", would she not be entitled to unemployment? That was taxable income reported to the IRS, correct?

[cbg]

That depends. Part time work does not always qualify for UI.