Out Of Town Visitation To Non-Custodial Parent

**ohhsarah** · 12-12-2007, 10:16 AM

My ex-fiance wants me (custodial parent) to send the kids to his new city of residence for visitation which is a 3 hour drive each way. We live in the state of Florida.

He moved out of town by choice and left us in the house we bought together 9 months ago and is threatning to foreclose on it. I feel he has abandoned us. He has stopped contributing to the mortgage and also took back his truck from me which I have been driving for the past year and a half, but he owns it.

I have informed the father that he may visit the kids in home city but will not send them to his new city of residence because he chose to leave the area and it's not fair for them to be uprooted from their lives, schedules, routines, etc (school, breastfeeding, I'm a stay-at-home mom) to endure a 3 hour drive each way because traveling here to visit them is an inconvenience to him. And they are very young and anytime we have traveled in the past to that area to visit his family they have meltdowns.

Father intends to summon me to court for denial of visitation.
I have no money for lawyers.

Father relocated to Fort Lauderdale, mother and children reside in Daytona Beach, Florida.

Child's ages: 2 years and 4 months

Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated.

**Dad2** · 12-12-2007, 12:13 PM

If he moved away, the courts will probably order him to take care of the transportation.
At the very least, meet 1/2 way. but I would be on the judge telling him he has to do all of the traveling.
As far as him taking the kids back to his place, that's up to him.
It might not be physically possible, depending on the visitation schedule.
If he has them every other weekend, and if he doesn't mind driving, then he has the right to drive them back to where he lives.
He has a right to bring you to court, for a modification. I doubt he will get away with the "denial of visitation" thing

**Xena** · 12-12-2007, 04:59 PM

Quoting ohhsarah

My ex-fiance wants me (custodial parent) to send the kids to his new city of residence for visitation which is a 3 hour drive each way. We live in the state of Florida.

He moved out of town by choice and left us in the house we bought together 9 months ago and is threatning to foreclose on it. I feel he has abandoned us. He has stopped contributing to the mortgage and also took back his truck from me which I have been driving for the past year and a half, but he owns it.

I have informed the father that he may visit the kids in home city but will not send them to his new city of residence because he chose to leave the area and it's not fair for them to be uprooted from their lives, schedules, routines, etc (school, breastfeeding, I'm a stay-at-home mom) to endure a 3 hour drive each way because traveling here to visit them is an inconvenience to him. And they are very young and anytime we have traveled in the past to that area to visit his family they have meltdowns.

Father intends to summon me to court for denial of visitation.
I have no money for lawyers.

Father relocated to Fort Lauderdale, mother and children reside in Daytona Beach, Florida.

Child's ages: 2 years and 4 months

Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated.

What does the court order exactly state regarding visitations?

Did he notify you and the court of his new address?

Daytona to Ft Lauderdale is not that great of a distance, visitation can easily be worked out to where ex pays for the small costs incurred. As far as uprooting the children, that is something that you and the children will have to learn to live with. A judge isn't going to deny visitaions at father's home 3 hours away simply because it isn't convienent.

Try thinking of different plans for visits that you can present at mediation when the time comes. It will be alot easier for you if you look at all aspects and accept that the children will be visiting thier father at his home, and then work on what will work best for everyone.

**tiredmomma** · 12-12-2007, 09:26 PM

Since you do not work, you can also contact the Attorney Generals office and they will help you. The have lists for legal aide in your area. Always play by the rules so it dosn't come back on you. I have been going through the whole visitation thing for 9 years and it does not get any easier. My ex-husband has continously viloated our court order. After all these years- its coming around!

**ohhsarah** · 12-13-2007, 10:32 AM

This is the visitation schedule I proposed, he is a firefighter FYI... wish me luck and tell me what you think!

"I have been putting a lot of thought into a visitation schedule for you to spend quality time with the boys that allows for your work schedule. Taking into consideration what's in the best interest of them. Considering your work schedule, the distance put between us, as well as N's school schedule and the babies age I feel this schedule is adequate maximizing their contact not only with me, but also with you. Looking to your three week, twenty-one day rotating schedule, you are off duty during the third week on the twentieth and twenty-first days, a Saturday and a Sunday. So how about you have visitation on these two days every third week with N? Providing you are responsible for the transportation since you decided to move away and have N home by 6:00pm on Sunday. As far as taking him back to your place, that's up to you if you don't mind driving. I think this schedule will work best for everyone, ensuring N continues going to his preschool. Now as far as the baby goes, because he's so young it's encouraged that he has shorter more frequent visits and familiarity is important, so we should avoid frequent environmental changes until he is 18 months old, then he too could join N for these visits. Also taking into consideration that I breastfeed and I have been an active part so far in his feeding, changing, bathing, and caring for illnesses. So you could also have one mid-week visit from 4:00pm to 7:00pm which could occur on an agreed upon day. Once they begin kindergarten, this schedule would still work appropriately as not to interfere then either with their school which takes precedence over time with either one of us. Then in addition one week blocks of time in summer and during school vacations or your vacation period are fine, provided you will be an active part in their daily care and your work schedule doesn't interfere with any days that you'll have them. In order to prevent separation anxiety the boys need frequent assurance as to when they will see the other one of us. I think it's a great idea as suggested to me by a child therapist that we both invest in web cameras so they have a tangible image of you to relate to when you're not present. Maybe they can spend a certain amount of time with you "virtually" a couple nights a week? Then you can have them on your birthday and Father's Day if you're not working or it's not a school day. We can alternate holidays, taking into consideration again - your work schedule. And of course phone calls should take place a lot and at a reasonable time. And while you have them it's important consistency be maintained as far as scheduled naps, feeding times, eating routines and potty training methods go. Hopefully, we can agree on a visitation schedule that is fair and convenient for both us and our children. If not, a court will have to establish it for us."