Custody and Support Issues for a U.S. Parent Living Abroad

**Lilly07** · 12-11-2007, 07:39 PM

Hello. I am a US Citizen residing in South Korea. I will be returning to my home state of Wisconsin in the near future. I have a 4.5 month old son. His bio dad (US Citizen) and I met here in Korea. He is from NY. He and I split up when I was 2 months pregnant. He did give me some money before I had my son for medical and other costs, but stopped a month before I gave birth. We are both civilians.

He and I are not married. He is not on the BC. In Korea you can put the dad's name on the BC if he is not present at the birth (he was not); however, I chose not to because of a possible difficulty with obtaining a passport and being able to leave the country. My son has his US Citizenship and passport.

Now...I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post and if I am redirected I apologize in advance. My ex has never seen my son, although I have tried to get him to. I called him when I returned from the hospital and then didn't hear from him for another month, after which I asked for him to sign a written agreement regarding visitation. The last time I heard from him was in August. He has since changed jobs and disconnected his phone. I've sent him an email asking for him to see his son and to pay some support for his care. He has never responded. I have posted on a website in this country asking for information on his whereabouts, and was told he was still in Korea.

I contacted the US Embassy here and was told they can do nothing, that I must take action when I return to the US. I will be returning to Wisconsin, but he is from NY. I have his passport no. and SSN. I am wondering about establishing paternity as well as getting a child support order. I realize that this forum is about custody but this is a complicated interstate/international situation. I would like to have child support for my son. Does anyone have any advice on how to proceed with this? Thank you for reading.

**Lilly07** · 12-11-2007, 09:58 PM

Oh wow, that was not the response I was expecting....I really was not asking for advice on my personality, only legal advice.

I tried talking to my ex many, many times throughout my pregnancy. Let's see...I saw him on the beach when I was 5 months pregnant and he didn't stop just kept walking. I went to see him 1 day before I went into labor, had to go to his place of employment because he refused to answer the phone.

I would LOVE for him to have a relationship with my son. I also believe he has financial obligations; mine was not a virgin birth. We were both aware and trying to get pregnant at the time.

I asked to have some kind of agreement in writing because I am a young, single mother in a country where the courts will often take a child from it's mother.

Anyone, some legal advice would be appreciated.

**Mr. Knowitall** · 12-12-2007, 07:04 AM

Is the father in Korea, or has he returned to the United States?

When you get back to the U.S., you can commence an action for a determination of paternity and child support. That way, if it takes a while to serve dad or to get DNA results, you should still be able to get support back to the date of filing. (Many courts will allow support back to the birth, and even medical expenses relating to birth and possibly pregnancy, but the international aspect complicates that. Filing early helps ensure that you will be able to collect support at least from that date forward.)

If you're going to be in New York and dad continues to live there (even if presently overseas), the process would likely be the easiest. It gets a bit more complicated when a child support agency in one state has to coordinate with another state in order to get the father to submit to a DNA test. Exact procedures are different in each state.

**moonlief73** · 12-12-2007, 09:24 AM

Sorry for my reaction Lilly! It was not meant to hurt your feelings. I usually pride myself at knowing people. Your other half may have very well planned the pregnancy with you, but his reaction seems to suggest that somewhere during the pregnancy, he changed his mind. I suspect by the information you have gathered on him, that it would not be very difficult for a man to notice you gathering that kind of information. When dealing with a man, it is always smart to use a non threatening approach. You can back that approach with an iron fist if it does not work. Men are naturally defensive, & will take extraordinary steps to defend themselves. It only makes things harder on you, if you use vinegar instead of honey. . .

**Lilly07** · 12-12-2007, 10:54 AM

Thank you Mr. Knowitall for the advice. That is what I had suspected but wanted a little confirmation. I have no idea where he is now, but I suspect he is still in Korea. I have no intention of going to NY, so I guess I will have to be content with WI coordinating with NY. It shouldn't be too hard with his SSN.

Moonleif: please save your comments for the appropriate website. I was not asking for advice on how to kowtow to a man. Furthermore, you should know that a mother will go to extraordinary lengths to protect and care for her child.