[hjones]

Me and my husband were in an argument and i tripped over a strand of Christmas lights, i yelled and threw something at him he picked up a pair of hege trimmers and held them to the back of my head and said for me to call down. i was upset and called the police. he was arrested and charged with Aggravted Assualt, simple battery, battery, and cruelty to children. i know that we were both in the wrong, but i don't believe the charges are fair. He has no bond due to being on probation but he has been on unsupervised for 7 years. he went before the judge to try to get a bond and she denied him saying she was scraed he would get out an hurt me. I have tried calling the DA's office but they will nto talk to me. I went and got a copy of the police report and there are numerous lies int here and I never signed anything saying they were true. Is there anything I can do to help him? I do not want him going away for something that wasn't as bad as things you see or read about in the newspaper that people get nothing for. Any help please!!!

[aardvarc]

When there are physical signs of battery (bruises) I wouldn't count on the charges being dropped. Prosecutors are getting more and more training and more and more policies that such cases get prosecuted even against the wishes of the victim. Domestic violence kills lots of women every year, and in more than 70% of cases, there were previous reports and dropped charges. All of those dead women (and children) felt the same way.

The police and courts aren't there to be a marriage mediation service. Police responding to domestic violence calls have no desire (or duty) to break up fights only to have the violence continue or escalate (as is the typical pattern). The role of police and prosecutors is to determine if a crime has occurred, and if so, to arrest the offender, to prosecute them, and hold them accountable for their actions. The crime wasn't just committed against you - crimes are considered to be committed against ALL of us.

Whether for good or bad, once you involve "the system", you don't get to pick and choose the response. The fact that you are here and able to complain is testiment enough that, at least sometimes, it works.

[aardvarc]

I dunno. If being on probation already wasn't enough to deter him from putting hedge clippers to your neck, he's not likely to get a lot of sympathy points from a judge or jury. About the best you can do is be prepared to testify. In the meantime, take a step back and try to figure out why it is that this behavior seems acceptable to you (and why it should be ok for your children to be exposed to).

[cdwjava]

he picked up a pair of hege trimmers and held them to the back of my head and said for me to call down.

In my state he can go to prison for that! We call that assault with a deadly weapon!

THIS type of behavior is NOT excusable!!!

i was upset and called the police.

As you should have.

he was arrested and charged with Aggravted Assualt, simple battery, battery, and cruelty to children.

As he should have.

Uh ... how were the kids involved?

i know that we were both in the wrong,

Well, HE was MORE wrong ... big difference between throwing something and holding a sharp, bladed weapon to your head! Unless you threw a hatchet at him, this was uncalled for.

but i don't believe the charges are fair.

Fortunately, the DA and the court does not need to concern itself with what you think is "fair".

he went before the judge to try to get a bond and she denied him saying she was scraed he would get out an hurt me.

Gee, I can't imagine why the judge might think that.

All you can do is be prepared to go to court and testify truthfully. Don't soft soap it or backpedal, just tell the truth. If he held hedge clippers to your head, say so.

I have been at this for many years and the description you provide indicates to me that this is NOT a first time event ... unless he was way drunk for the first time, I venture to guess that something similar to this has happened previously.

Oddly enough, some 75% of DV victims recant within 48 hours ... closer to 85% by the time they go to court. Many of these victims are willing to commit perjury in order to rescue their abuser ... these victims are often willing to go to jail to protect a person that is more than willing to ALLOW the victim to go to jail.

Without assistance, I see this getting worse over time. And without a court's intervention, getting help is generally short-lived or won't happen at all.

And if there is a child involved, and if you recant or change your tale, expect CPS to get involved and investigate as to whether this is an appropriate and safe place for a child to be.

- Carl