Humor

[Betty3]

Two Old-timers, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Rodger didn't show up.
Chuck didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Rodger hadn't shown up for a week or so, Chuck really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park Chuck didn't know where Rodger lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Chuck figured he had seen the last of Rodger.
But one day, Chuck approached the park and -- lo and behold, there sat Rodger!
Chuck was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Rodger, what in the world happened to you?'
Rodger replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail?' cried Chuck. 'What in the world for?'
'Well,' Rodger said, 'you know Judy, that cute little waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes go?' 'Yeah,'said Chuck, 'I remember her.
What about her?' 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.
And .. the Judge gave me 30 days for perjury.

[JoeC]

Haa HAA ha.
JoeC

[Betty3]

Reported to be true story:
Shortly after terminating an employee, a manager began receiving a barrage of e-mails, magazines, books, music, and telephone calls from companies that got her contact information from a discount coupon website. Apparently, the former employee provided the manager's contact information in the "refer a friend" field. The manager, however, maintained that the act was anything but friendly. Believing she was the victim of harassment, the manager contacted the local police department, which agreed and charged the employee with harassment. The employee, who turned herself in, called the charge "stupid" since she "didn't harass her or send her any e-mails."

[seniorjudge]

Take a dog's attitude towards problems.

If you can't eat it or screw it, then piss on it and walk away.

[JoeC]

O.K heres one:

A duck walks into a convenience store,and says to the cashier quack,quack got a pound of grapes? The cashier stunned says "a talking duck,this is a convenience store we don't sell grapes" Duck waddles out comes back 3 minutes later,and repeats quack,quack got a pound of grapes? The cashier replies no I already told you that we don't 3 minutes ago.
3 Minutes later he comes in quack,quack got a pound of grapes?
The cashier replies no. Duck does it a fourth time the cashier gets mad,and yells you keep coming in here asking for a pound of grapes.
Now I have already told you 3 times no. If you come in here asking again I will nail your webbed feet to the floor.
Duck waddles back in again asks the cashier "quack,quack,you got any nails"? Cashier says no,duck says "give me a pound of grapes".
JoeC

[Betty3]

10 year old blues:

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the
bees.

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me
you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's No Easter Bunny'
speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's No Tooth Fairy' speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's No Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll
have nothing left to live for."

[Betty3]

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter.

She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter.
The instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes, and he could instruct her via radio. So up the
blonde went.

She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet.

The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was going smoothly.

At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods.

The instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.

"What happened?" the instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"

"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the ceiling fan.

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Everyone have a happy day!