My Partner's Dad Wants Him to Get a DNA Paternity Test

EvaM · #1 09-18-2007, 09:21 AM

hi there, I have been in an on anf off relationship with someone who suffers from schizophrenia, this is why is has been on and off,,because he is unstable. we have just had a baby who is 3 months old. my boyfriend knows he is the daddy, but his dad,who is not ill at all,,encourages him to make a DNA test and also is willing to pay for it and then his son will pay him back in time....I know my boyfriend only wants to do the test to have his dad happy, because he said he wants to be a proper grandad for the baby, (buy him presents, babysit...) so he wants to be sure the baby is really his grandson,,,, I don't want to to the test, no because I have slept with more men (I lost my virginity with this guy and haven't been with anyone else), but because I reckon he must trust me and tell his dad to mind his own bussiness,,
what do you reckon??? I obviously don't want his dad to be around the child at all as when my boyfriend has been in hosp due to his illness, his dad never was in touch with me, he never talks to me, we are not close at all,,,maybe he does not like me,,,I don't know,,but he only makes problems, he never helps...and he knows his son has a lot of problems in life fue to his illness and instead of helping him, he is making him more paranoid by telling him things against me,,, I reckon my boyfriend should trust me and tell his dad this,,and if his dad does not want to be involved in the baby's life,,I don not care at all,,,I just want my boyfriend, me and our baby to be happy and don't care about other people's comments.
thanks for reading

aaron · #2 09-18-2007, 09:26 AM

And how does the child's father feel?

EvaM · #3 09-18-2007, 09:41 AM

saw him this morning and he said that he knows baby is his but he wants his dad to have peace of mind,,,Since I become pregnant he knows baby is his, but his dad keeps telling him to make a DNA test so he is confused and does not know who to believe,,,remember he is schizophrenic,,,,

aaron · #4 09-18-2007, 10:02 AM

So why not give your fiance some peace of mind. A modern DNA test should be accomplished with a cheek swab - easy and painless.

EvaM · #5 09-18-2007, 10:14 AM

shouldn't he trust me?? why should I do it? just because baby's grandfather does not trust me??? just because my boyfriend is not strong enough shut his dad up????

Xena · #6 09-18-2007, 06:31 PM

Quoting EvaM

shouldn't he trust me?? why should I do it? just because baby's grandfather does not trust me??? just because my boyfriend is not strong enough shut his dad up????

Trust has nothing to do with it. A DNA test, as already stated, is very simple and painless. So, why not go ahead and get the test? The more you dig your heels in, the more your BF might end up wondering exactly why you won't do it and become suspiscious.

It will be much easier for everyone if you get the test, then both you and your BF can look at the grandafather and say- Told you so.

jk · #7 09-18-2007, 06:46 PM

Your BF already told you he trusts you. Maybe he finds this the easiest way to shut dads mouth. I suspect it will make life easier for all involved to do this.

After all, hopefully, your BF still wants to have contact with his father. If that will make their relationship better, why not do it?

EvaM · #8 09-19-2007, 03:44 AM

HI ya, many thanks for your comments,,but I still reckon that if my boyfriend asks me to do a DNA test, (even if it is to shup his dad up), is because he is suspicious that I have slept with someone else. The way to shut his dad up is to tell him -listen dad,,I love Eva, I trust her,,leave us alone...-. Anyway I guess I'm fed up. It is not that our relationship is wonderful and we only need to sort this out and carry on as normal. Since the baby was born my boyfriend seems to have been doing a campaing against me. My mum came from Spain to help us with the baby and my boyfriend started to shout at her and tell her "bitch why don't you die" just because he felt pushed away when my mum was just trying to help with the newborn. Then He gave money he previously saved for the baby, to a friend of his, then I told him about my sexual fantasies and he got worried and taped me and showed it to the police and social services, and now social services reckon I need counseling. I'm happy in the way I'm and I look after my child very well, I just want some peace and that my boyfriend trust me, in the same way I trust him when He pops over a girl-friend's and stays with her until late at night. You all take care :-)

Xena · #9 09-19-2007, 11:46 AM

Quoting EvaM

HI ya, many thanks for your comments,,but I still reckon that if my boyfriend asks me to do a DNA test, (even if it is to shup his dad up), is because he is suspicious that I have slept with someone else. The way to shut his dad up is to tell him -listen dad,,I love Eva, I trust her,,leave us alone...-. Anyway I guess I'm fed up. It is not that our relationship is wonderful and we only need to sort this out and carry on as normal. Since the baby was born my boyfriend seems to have been doing a campaing against me. My mum came from Spain to help us with the baby and my boyfriend started to shout at her and tell her "bitch why don't you die" just because he felt pushed away when my mum was just trying to help with the newborn. Then He gave money he previously saved for the baby, to a friend of his, then I told him about my sexual fantasies and he got worried and taped me and showed it to the police and social services, and now social services reckon I need counseling. I'm happy in the way I'm and I look after my child very well, I just want some peace and that my boyfriend trust me, in the same way I trust him when He pops over a girl-friend's and stays with her until late at night. You all take care :-)

Do you know that trust is often something that has to be earned?

Why should your BF trust you, when you are NOT willing to do a very simple thing to instill trust?

This is just a personal opinion- but from what I've personally seen, 9 times out of 10 when a mother is so adamant against getting a DNA test, it turns out that her refusal to do so is because SHE has her own doubts as to the true paternity.

If your BF were to file with the court, the court will order you to do a DNA and, you would have no choice at all.

EvaM · #10 09-19-2007, 01:53 PM

Thanks for your reply Xena.

It seems very easy to talk when you are not in my shoes. If you love your partner and he loves you back and you just had a child, would you like that he asks you for a DNA test??? My mom and my dad had two children, me and my sister and my dad did not do a DNA test,,couples are having kids every day and not every single man is doing a DNA test,,, it is only done when there are suspicious of the woman having any affairs. Me and my boyfriend has been together for 3 years now and it is unfair that he pays attention to his dad instead of showing me respect and trust me.
If he insist in having a DNA test done, I will accept of course,,,but he will lose me as a girlfriend,,,and then he will have a piece of paper showing that the is truly the daddy of our baby,,but because he did not show any love and respect for me,,,he does not deserve my love.