Establishing Paternity and Child Support for a Pregnant Teen

John Beckert · #1 09-15-2007, 02:40 PM

Hello

I need some help and I really don't know what to do with a know it all teen.
She is my step-daughter who is 17 going on 18 in December, I'm married to her mother. I've known this kid since she was a little kid. Problem we have is that she is pregnant from this teen boy who know is 18. We kicked her out of the house in the beginning when we found out she was 3 months pregnant by this kid because we just couldn't keep her under control. Always running out at night after we went to sleep and would get up bright an early before we got up to get out of the house to see this boy. We went though pure hell trying to keep her in school. I ended up with some real stress related health problems; panic attacks, loss of sleep etc.. but that has gotten a lot better though since I guess I really don't care any more

. So we kicked her out and said, well go live with him then since you got everything under control. Give is a call from time to time to let us know how your doing. Well it didn't go so well as she THOUGHT it would. So now she is coming back here, which neither of us are real thrilled about. I'm worried we'll get walked over again with her thinking she can do what ever besides her new responsibilities. We laid down the rules and told her this is her kid, you made the adult decision to bring a child into this world who didn't ask to be, you take care of him/her, you feed him/her, you pay for him/her just like WE did for YOU for 18 years. So I bet everyone can tell I'm not happy and angry.

What can I do about paternity? I know who got her pregnant but I know it's about proving it. Then what about child support? Because I really want to make sure this kid is held responsible for his actions but also not to forget that he at least provides for this new born even if it's a small amount. I don't know who to go to or what to from here. Her mother is an agreement with me about all this too.

Also what about past child support from her Father? Even though I just as well paid everything, tried to raise this kid.

I'm in Florida BTW.

jk · #2 09-15-2007, 02:53 PM

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What can I do about paternity?

what about it. It is none of your business

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Then what about child support?

what about it? it is none of your business

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Because I really want to make sure this kid is held responsible for his actions but also not to forget that he at least provides for this new born even if it's a small amount.

Not your place

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I don't know who to go to or what to from here.

Either let the girl live with you under whatever rules you wish to impose or evict her, if neccessary, and let her figure out how to live without your support.

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Her mother is an agreement with me about all this too.

It's good to have a united front but anything about the father or child support is truly none of your business (legally). If the DIL wants you to assist, theat is fine but is she refuses to do anything, yo have no right to act in her stead.

John Beckert · #3 09-15-2007, 03:14 PM

Ok. We'll talk to her and let that be her decision on paternity and child support. There is going to be some heavy rules until she finds a place of her own. If she doesn't like it or isn't taking care of responsibilities, she will be evicted; She has been warned. We know we have that legal right. Thanks for your response. I just don't know where we are at legally. I'm trying to protect the wife and I as well get the daughter to start thinking even if that means lighting the fire under her butt.

lwpat · #4 09-15-2007, 04:22 PM

The reality is that you are the ones that are probably going to end up taking care of the baby. My suggestion is that they either get married (probably a disaster but who knows) or he agrees to paternity and child support. He is also going to be in your lives so you need to sit down and talk with him.

John Beckert · #5 09-15-2007, 04:47 PM

Yeah, that is what scares me the most. Then what is she learning? IT would be a disaster if they got married and I really don't see him agreeing to paternity or child support. They were living in one of HIS parents rental houses but are being kicked out because they didn't pay the rent or the electric(Yeah i know, their just kids but got a learn some how). HE is not going to live with us and I don't know where he is going to go. NO way! He won't get his butt up to get a job so that's a no go. I'd be more helpfull if I seen some responsibility and at least some hard honest work to do the right thing but not once have I seen any of that. If I end up taking care of a child that isn't mine because they do not want to except the responsibility of a child they brought into this world, we will kick her butt out. I'm at my witts end with all this.

Baystategirl · #6 09-15-2007, 05:01 PM

Quoting John Beckert

Yeah, that is what scares me the most. Then what is she learning? IT would be a disaster if they got married and I really don't see him agreeing to paternity or child support. They were living in one of HIS parents rental houses but are being kicked out because they didn't pay the rent or the electric(Yeah i know, their just kids but got a learn some how). HE is not going to live with us and I don't know where he is going to go. NO way! He won't get his butt up to get a job so that's a no go. I'd be more helpfull if I seen some responsibility and at least some hard honest work to do the right thing but not once have I seen any of that. If I end up taking care of a child that isn't mine because they do not want to except the responsibility of a child they brought into this world, we will kick her butt out. I'm at my witts end with all this.

When the child is born, the MOTHER needs to file for paternity and support. Dad will have no choice except to follow the COURT ORDER and submit a DNA sample.

lwpat · #7 09-16-2007, 01:26 PM

If the mother is not taking care of the baby, you can report her to child services and they will put the child in a foster home.

John Beckert · #8 09-16-2007, 02:33 PM

Quoting lwpat

If the mother is not taking care of the baby, you can report her to child services and they will put the child in a foster home.

That is what her Mother has told her will happen and then she'll be evicted. Sucks for the new born kid but she is has to learn some how. Her Mother and I have talked about if it comes to that we'll just try and adopt the kid and kick her out; hopefully she'll come to her senses. She'll be 18 this December so she'll be held responsible for everything. This is all speculation right now so we'll deal with it when and if we have too. I warned her about all of this before it happened. It's not like she wasn't taught or talked to about these things.

Just blows my mind.

Tina57 · #9 09-16-2007, 04:09 PM

Seriously....it sounds like you are angry and wanting to punish her for becoming pregnant.

Did you/and her mother ever talk to her about 'responsible sex'? About protection/contraception?

What's done is done....how about you pull together as a family and get through this? How about showing some emotional support as parents?

Be there for her/them so she/they can finsih high school if she/they hasn't already. Be there so she/they can further her/thier education at least at a community college if that is what she/they desires.

All the stress is no good for the pregnancy, and the better means these young parents have of supporting themselves, the less likely it is that they will find themselves on the welfare rolls.

John Beckert · #10 09-17-2007, 03:18 PM

Quoting Tina57

Seriously....it sounds like you are angry and wanting to punish her for becoming pregnant.

Yeah, we are very angry about the situation. Punish her? No, that would do no good. Besides she'll get that from her new kid for the next 18 years. Do I wish she would of thought about what a child will need before her selfish wants? Yes. Some how we're supposed to be all happy dandy about it all? Considering all of the trouble we went through before all of this?

Quoting Tina57

Did you/and her mother ever talk to her about 'responsible sex'? About protection/contraception?

OH, quite a few times and even to the point of arguments between her and her Mother. She had every available option at her disposal and she was given some of those options without us asking a question. We would of and have done everything we could.

Quoting Tina57

What's done is done....how about you pull together as a family and get through this? How about showing some emotional support as parents?

And that is what we are doing, she'll will always have that. Probably doing more than we should besides emotional but with a lot rules that will go with it. They need to be held responsible; just because we're helping her out doesn't mean she is resolved of her responsibilities.

Quoting Tina57

Be there for her/them so she/they can finsih high school if she/they hasn't already. Be there so she/they can further her/thier education at least at a community college if that is what she/they desires.

And that is one of the rules. Finish school and then get a job or both.

Quoting Tina57

All the stress is no good for the pregnancy, and the better means these young parents have of supporting themselves, the less likely it is that they will find themselves on the welfare rolls.

True and something THEY should have thought about from the beginning which happened to be a long talk we had with her in the past about that. Actually we let them go on welfare while they were living together. Nice dose of reality for them and they found out it sucked. We have laid the rules out and what is expected in a non-stressful way along with her signing a personal contract(what good that will do who knows). Right now behind the scenes so to speak, we are looking at options legally if we need to go that route. As long as we see some effort at taking this seriously and responsibly we're more than happy to help. If not, well tough luck, we're not doing it for you. Previous actions and experience showed us different but we'll see what happens.