[MistyLou]

hi..i am a single mom of a 3.5 year old...my son's father left when he was like 8 or 9 months old..i had his last name changed (because i only found it fair for my son and i to share a legal last name...i was adopted at 9, so i know what it was like growing up with a single mom and having a different last name than her) the father has had NO contact with any of us..he knew where we were moving, and i lived there for almost a year before i moved...even though i may have moved from here to there..he cannot use that as reason..because my mother, and ALL my brothers and sisters have all lived at the same addresses and have ALL had the same phone numbers FOREVER!...point is...is if he had any desire to have any contact with his son, he had more than enough opportunity to do so...he even worked with my brother for almost a year...anyway...he has had no contact, no support...nothing...and i want to terminate his parental rights...he shouldnt have any rights after he denied my son of the right to a father...UGH...anyway...i have no idea where to go and how to do it... i plan to get married in a couple of years and the man i am with now has been a blessing to both me and my son..my son knows no one other than my fiance...


if i cannot get the parental rights terminated...if i get married..can i at least have my son's last name changed to my married name (otherwise, i wont change my last name...i will not let my son carry a different name than me)

please help!
thanks

[aaron]

If you're now married, have you considered step-parent adoption? If successfully completed, that would result in both the name change and the termination of the biological father's rights.

Note, laws are different in each state.

[MistyLou]

i live in ohio...and i tried to look up information on the internet, but i feel like i am going in circles!...i found this site, and people seemed very helpful ...

i am not currently married..i plan to finish school first

i had no idea about a step-parent adoption...does the biological father have to consent to this? keep in mind i have NO IDEA where this guy is... when i went for child support..they asked for his SS#...there was no way i would know that...we were only together for about a year...they told me there was nothing they could do..so i asked about giving up his rights..and the girl laughed at me and told me that i wouldnt stand a chance...

all i want is for my son to have the same last name as me when i get married..with hopes the biological father would be "omitted" (haha) from the birth certificate

[jk]

has legal parentage been established with the father?

If so, how?

[MistyLou]

ok this is the messed up part...i had a bad delivery, and the father wasnt even there until the very last minute, and i mean all the way down to they were wheeling me down the hall for the c-section...last minute...anyway...i cant remember any of the hospital visit cause i was so drugged up..(i was having seizures)..well i mentioned something about the birth certificate..and they wouldnt explain anything to me, because they were worried about my health not that stuff...when the father left...i asked if he signed anything at the hospital...he said he didnt think so, but he was so f-d up that he doesnt remember either...a few months go by and i apply for a birth certificate for my son, and lone and behold, the fathers name was on it...i immediatley called vital statistics in that county and they told me that there was nothing i could do, because in order for a father to be on a BC somethings had to have been signed...and "apparently" something was.. i tried to explain to the lady that it was a mistake....she wouldnt listen...and told me that i would have to prove him not the father in order to get him removed...

the issue with him getting his father's name at birth was only something to satisfy the mental abuse he put me through....but i didnt want the name on the birth certificate, it was 1. my son have the last name, but no father listed on the birth certificate (which i dont even know if they could do, but i was going to try) OR 2. my son have my last name and the father to be on the birth certificate...

Its a really complicated issue, i just thought that even if we were to split up, he would at least try to keep in contact for his kid's sake....

when i met him he was married (but separated) and had a daughter that he fought to see as often as he could..never had to pay for child support...then "out of no where" she got pregnant with his other kid (at the same time i did)...and after she had his second child she filed for child support...he got furious at the money he was out a month, that he fought for coustody, and the children now live with him...

last i heard he bought a house and was good.....here i am living in a camper in my mom's back yard..because i am having a hard time going to work and school full time...and i cant pay my bills....my son is a sever athsmatic, so i am constantly in the hospital for him not keeping oxygen levels up...so my last job used my time off against me (even though my kid was in the hospital)....

i just need some guidence from people that have somewhat been in my shoes...and can help me get started in the right direction

thanks

[Just Breath]

If the child's father was at the hospital at the time of birth and signed the birth certificate....how is that a mistake? Are you disputing paternity?

You will not be able to terminate his rights until after you are married and the statutory required time has passed before your new husband is eligible to adopt your son (in some states it is 1 year after the marriage). Then, and only then, the adoption will only be granted IF the father consents and volunarily relinquishes his rights OR you prove him unfit or prove abandonment.