[Shellyh79606]

I have been married 19 years. I recently had an affair and got pregnant by a black man. My husband is white we know my husband is not the biological father because he's had a vasectomy. I have two concerns about this situation in relation to my daughter and her biological fathers RIGHTS. My husband is on the birth certificate because in the state of texas a child born in a marriage and conceived in a marriage is considered to be a product of the marriage. It would have been more complicated to put the biological father's name on the certificate and would have presented a world of trouble when taking care of business with her having a different last name from us since we are staying together and my husband is agreeing to raise her. The biological father knows about the child but has agreed to stay out of it and not be a part of her life because my husband raising her is what's best for her financially and emotionally and other reasons. The biological father is single and not financially sound and we are married and financially doing well. He realizes that she's better off for many reasons in our family and that he's got his own life issues to deal with (he has another child that's 4 years old with another one night stand and he has to pay child support for that one and deal with visitation) without making her go from us to him with visitation and other issues. The two concerns I have is what happens if he decides to do something later to obtain visitation and what happens if something happens to me as her mother (like death) as far as him trying to petition court for custody. I have been made to understand that since my husband and the biological father both know the situation and neither has acted to remove themselves or be more involved they are agreeing to the sitation and a judge would think long and hard before changing that since they havn't acted in a timely manner to do something. She's 14 months old by the way. What action or rights does the biological father have regarding custody or custody after my death?

[Mr. Knowitall]

Unless your husband cooperates, this statute sets the time limit for any action by the biological father:

(a) Except as otherwise provided by Subsection (b), a proceeding brought by a presumed father, the mother, or another individual to adjudicate the parentage of a child having a presumed father shall be commenced not later than the fourth anniversary of the date of the birth of the child.

(b) A proceeding seeking to disprove the father-child relationship between a child and the child’s presumed father may be maintained at any time if the court determines that:

(1) the presumed father and the mother of the child did not live together or engage in sexual intercourse with each other during the probable time of conception; and

(2) he presumed father never represented to others that the child was his own.

As you can see, under the facts of your case, after the child's fourth birthday it is highly unlikely that any action could be commenced over the objection of your husband.

[Shellyh79606]

Thanks for the information I was reading some of the other posts and had gotten to the texas family code and printed it out. I have the biological fathers assurance that as long as I'm alive he won't do anything but upon my passing (hopefully not any time soon) that he couldn't guarantee what he'd do.. So guess I have to at least make it to my daughters 4th birthday. Also my husband and I have both realized some error's in our marriage together and we both have looked at the gift of a daughter as a second chance to make things right for her and for us and our other two children who all adore her. My husband is and always has been a great father and she is very lucky to have him be a part of her life. The biological father however is a very negative person and has a criminal past and other legal issues. Its really a better situation for her and everyone involved at this point but again if I wasn't in the picture that might change for the biological father. Thanks for the info.

[Xena]

I have been married 19 years. I recently had an affair and got pregnant by a black man. My husband is white we know my husband is not the biological father because he's had a vasectomy. I have two concerns about this situation in relation to my daughter and her biological fathers RIGHTS. My husband is on the birth certificate because in the state of texas a child born in a marriage and conceived in a marriage is considered to be a product of the marriage. It would have been more complicated to put the biological father's name on the certificate and would have presented a world of trouble when taking care of business with her having a different last name from us since we are staying together and my husband is agreeing to raise her. The biological father knows about the child but has agreed to stay out of it and not be a part of her life because my husband raising her is what's best for her financially and emotionally and other reasons. The biological father is single and not financially sound and we are married and financially doing well. He realizes that she's better off for many reasons in our family and that he's got his own life issues to deal with (he has another child that's 4 years old with another one night stand and he has to pay child support for that one and deal with visitation) without making her go from us to him with visitation and other issues. The two concerns I have is what happens if he decides to do something later to obtain visitation and what happens if something happens to me as her mother (like death) as far as him trying to petition court for custody. I have been made to understand that since my husband and the biological father both know the situation and neither has acted to remove themselves or be more involved they are agreeing to the sitation and a judge would think long and hard before changing that since they havn't acted in a timely manner to do something. She's 14 months old by the way. What action or rights does the biological father have regarding custody or custody after my death?

After reading this thread and your other thread concerning your daughter also wanting to keep her child's father out of the child's life, I'd like to make a suggestion to both of you:

Since you both have children with men that you now don't think would be good father's, please, for any future childrens' sakes- don't have realtions with any man that wouldn't be a good father. Children, legally, and morally
are entitled to know BOTH of thier parents, not just the one who gave birth to them.

[Shellyh79606]

I appreciate your comments though they are on the moral side but I would like to address them. I came here for legal help not moral help. I have been married 19 years, I have a disabled daughter who is 21 and living in our home. we have a 17 year old son together my husband and I, and this new daughter who is 14 months old. I am not a permiscuous person however when I found out a few years ago my husband planned on leaving our very very stressful life because he was involved for two years with another woman I made some bad decisions out of fear mostly of being alone. I had a one night stand USING A CONDOM with a man who was not as careful and the condom was not that good later found out (or possible he removed it) I found out I was pregnant and told my husband immediately. ( I am 38 and my husband 40 by the way not that age matters in making mistakes) My husband has a vasectomy so he can't be irresponsible and get someone pregnant unlike me having sex I can. I made a mistake and I'm sure you've made a few in your life most people have. The true show of someone's character is how they handle it after it happens. I have been able to maintain my marriage and I have been able to maintain a civil relationship with the childs biological father. Being able to do that is alot. I don't know what the future holds and I found out these things about the father AFTER the pregnancy so I didn't go seeking out someone that would be a bad dad. My daughter is a blessing and I refuse to look at it in any other way. Both of my kids and my husband adore her and treat her like a queen. I see no way this child will grow up scarred for life because of my mistake. WE intend to love her to bits and so do the people around us that are aware of our special situation. I see us being as honest age appropriately as we can be with her as she grows. I was raised without my biological father and I don't really think I'm any worse or better off without him in my life. AND he made that choice. I have watched my 21 year old struggle with her biological father not wanting to be involved because of her physical disability and wheelchair. So I'm not feeling like I'm hurting my child by keeping her father at a distance. It is a decisions for our particular situation that all three of us parents agree to right now. This was long but I felt necessary to explain that I am not irresponsible but just like every other person in the world FLAWED. I make mistakes don't we all? By the way I had my tubes tied this time and it won't be an issue if your still concerned about my reproduction. I am however a good mother and Have raised two very wonderful children so far so this time will be no different. Our kids know they are loved and accepted for who they are mistakes and all.