Making The 'Other Man' Pay

**Angry in Alabama** · 07-28-2007, 12:40 PM

I am white man, 50+ years old, and I have been happily married for the past four years to a 30 year old Kenyan woman that I love very deeply. We moved to Alabama from the Middle East two years ago and everything seemed to be going our way. I have a good job, my wife is attending school, and we were happy in our relationship. Or so I thought.

My wife met a man in a local club and said that she thought he could be just a good friend. I met the man on two occasions and, although I got the impression that he was a player, we had what I thought were pretty frank and straightforward conversations about my feelings around the situation. I also discussed this with my wife and they swore that all they wanted was to be friends.

A few weeks later, my wife said she had fallen in love with him without meaning to.She told me about her feelings and swore that nothing of a sexual nature had occurred. She said she wanted to be with me and work out the problems. She later admitted to me and a licensed marriage counselor that they had had sex on at least two occasions. Even though she denied it, I was told by other parties that the man has a reputation for going after married women and has had several problems in the past. They also told me that he had concentrated on my wife almost to the exclusion of any other women in the club and, based on what they and my wife have told me, I believe was trying to get her to leave me for him.

To make a long story short, she recently informed me that while she still loved me, she didn't feel that she could love me the way she wanted to love the man of her dreams. She also said that, while she loved the other man, she also didn't want to be with him on a permanent basis. She says we are both putting too much pressure on her and she doesn't know what she wants to do, except be independent and make her own choices. I told her she was free to do that, but that I wouldn't support her financially.

She moved out of our house with her niece about three weeks ago. I have not been allowed to know where they are living, though the other man is a frequent visitor. As I said, we have been to a marriage counselor several times and it keeps coming back to her not knowing what it is she wants to do. I am afraid that we will never be able to rebuild a stable or trusting relationship, and that this will probably end in a divorce. If that happens, I want to settle it in a consensual manner without bringing up the adultery and other matters.

I would like to make this other guy pay in some way, monetarily or otherwise, for the pain and suffering he has caused my wife and I. He took advantange of a naive, unsophisticated woman, one who was still overwhelmed with the culture shock of coming to the US, to create a situation where he is getting all of the benefits and paying none of the penalties. I have a gut-feeling that he will play with her and throw her away once he has gotten what he wants and then go on to his next victim. I know that Alabama no longer permits civil actions for alienation of affection, but maybe someone can advise me of other legals ways to make him deal with the consequences of his actions.