[cmatch]

A few months ago, out of the blue, my husband of 10 years recieved a letter from Child Services (we are in Tennessee), stating that he had been named as the father of a child born (in Tennessee) in 1995. He acknowledged that he did have a "casual" relationship with this woman, but she never told him that she got pregnant. She lived within 10 miles of his work, had his phone numbers, and should have been able to reach him by showing up or calling him. Nothing of that sort ever happened. So, long story short, let's move forward to now.... He did go and take a DNA test and it came back 99.99%, so that pretty much takes care of that. So now we're looking at everything that is involved regarding Arrears or Retroactive support, freezing & seizing of financial assets (how can they DO that? We have BILLS to pay!), checking accounts, savings accounts, insurance, liens on property, the more I read, the worse it seems to get....and we are terrified at losing what WE, he and I, have worked so hard at building to someone that is obviously out for one thing....MONEY. She has hardly worked a day in her life, according to my husband. He remembers that she would disappear for weeks at a time, only to show back up with large amounts of cash and expensive clothes. But strangely....no steady "job." She has been married one or two times, and according to the report that our attorney pulled up on her, has several Federal Tax liens and IRS claims for unpaid taxes against herself, as well as a SSN that is also being "used" by someone else. And then there are a couple of "alias" names that she has on the report. It was very scarey for us to read....and now this woman is coming after him for child support, at the very least. My husband does admit that she seemed to operate on the fringe of the "criminal element" when he knew her, which facilitated the termination of the relationship. Can she do that to him after this length of time ( I understand about the majority rule), but to WAIT for almost thirteen years and never let him know that he has a child? Is there some limitation or statute regarding Retroactive Support, against a person who does not inform someone that they are the father of their child until this many years later? We have no children, and he is devastated. He is a supremely responsible man and has stated many times that if he had only known from the beginning, he would have most certainly done the right thing for the child. But now....this feels like more of a tactic for using an innocent child to get more money. And herein lies the other problem for us. Back then, my husband was a self-employed professional in the medical field and earning a nice salary. In 2002, while working on some farm equipment, he severed two fingers off of his right hand, thereby ending his ability to continue his profession. He was fortunate enough to sell his practice, we bought some property and have been raising horses since then. He has a small disability check that he recieves each month from a private insurance company- NOT Social Security disability, which I understand they can take- and that is all that we live on. And although we have a fairly nice house, acreage, equipment for running the farm and such, we have very little else. It is mostly a month to month thing with us. We run this farm and raise these horses, selling a few here and there. He has also depreciated a lot of the equipment on our tax returns and we have a TON of expenses in taking care of these horses that are well-bred andregistered, but at the end of the day, will the court say those are all "not reasonable expenses" and look back at what he was making in 1995 to determine the retroactive payments or is do they look back at two years ago? Will they automatically attach leins to our property or even our horses? Will what money we have in our checking accounts be seized? I have a small seperate account, but am terrified that at the end of the day, that too will be frozen and we will have nothing to live on and will have to resort to selling all we have to pay child support to a child that my husband never knew he had. It seems so unfair, and our attorney just doesn't seem to be "getting it" that we are trying to get on the ball ahead of time in educating ourselves in defense of this person who has nothing to loose but to wait and get her money. How can we find an attorney that understands all this and HOW can we protect ourselves financially? My husband wants to be responsible, but feels as though he's getting ready to get taken to the cleaners by this woman. (The Child Services lady who did the swab on my husband's cheek told him that this woman told her that this was a "PLANNED" pregnancy. My husband about had a heart attack. Planned by HER, obviously....)Also, I have a pretty good inheritance that I was fortunate enough to recieve from my loving grandmother two years ago when she died, which I have invested in long term CD's, although they are in both mine and my husband's names. Are these protected, or is anything that has his name along with mine on it subject to seizure? Everything we own is in both of our names, and how does that work if liens are such are placed against them? This is so very, very scarey. And we were just getting to the point where everything was falling into place. Now it feels as though it is all going to fall apart. Please help. Any suggestions would be so very much appreciated.

[Mr. Knowitall]

Please extend us the courtesy of using paragraphs, as huge blocks of text are very unpleasant to read.

If your complaint is that your husband has to pay child support for his child, that's going to happen - it's his child. Absent a good reason for the delay in seeking support, I doubt that the court would order retroactive support.

[Xena]

The only way to protect yourself is to from now on keep your earnings seperate from your husband's. You should have your own bank account where only your money is deposited. Do NOT have any joint accounts with your husband. IF retro support is ordered and an intercept of your joint tax refund is done, you can file for injured spouse relief. Then you would recieve YOUR portion of the refund. If that does happen, the CSE agency will send you a notice explaining what to do.

As for paying CS, it's just going to have to be another expense in your family's life. I know it can be quite scary, but it helps if you view it as any other unexpected expense and begin to budget accordingly.

Does your husband have any plans to get to know his child? If so. he'll need to file a petition requesting visitation rights.

[cmatch]

Sorry about the lack of paragraphs...I do apologize, as my thoughts were not towards the layout of my "book," but more so along the lines of making sure that what I was saying made sense. I'm very sorry.

No, my complaint is not about the fact that my husband may have to pay CS- it is his child, and therefore owed. However, it is my concern, regarding this person's past history, that she may try to work as many angles as she can to get MORE for her benefit than for the child. In most of the readings that I have done regarding CS, it seems that the non-custodial parent gets the short end of the stick, and I do not want my husband to be one of those, which is why we are trying to educate ourselves. That is my major concern. If the payments are owed, then I feel they should be FAIRLY owed, and that waiting for this length of time without ever letting him know that he has a child, wards on suspision of intent...in my opinion. He does plan to get to know the child.

Thank you, XENA, for the information regarding bank accounts and such, as I had yet to find that information in writing anywhere.

Thank you both for your opinions. I will make sure that I write in paragraphs the next time.....

[Xena]

Sorry about the lack of paragraphs...I do apologize, as my thoughts were not towards the layout of my "book," but more so along the lines of making sure that what I was saying made sense. I'm very sorry.

No, my complaint is not about the fact that my husband may have to pay CS- it is his child, and therefore owed. However, it is my concern, regarding this person's past history, that she may try to work as many angles as she can to get MORE for her benefit than for the child. In most of the readings that I have done regarding CS, it seems that the non-custodial parent gets the short end of the stick, and I do not want my husband to be one of those, which is why we are trying to educate ourselves. That is my major concern. If the payments are owed, then I feel they should be FAIRLY owed, and that waiting for this length of time without ever letting him know that he has a child, wards on suspision of intent...in my opinion. He does plan to get to know the child.

Thank you, XENA, for the information regarding bank accounts and such, as I had yet to find that information in writing anywhere.

Thank you both for your opinions. I will make sure that I write in paragraphs the next time.....

A NCP can protect themselves from getting "the short end of the stick" by learning what the state CS guidelines and laws are. The CS should be ordered strictly by the state guidelines.