[garden_of_noise]

Hello. I am 5 months pregnant, in Florida, 21 years old. I am no longer with my boyfriend, who is the father of my child. We still communicate almost daily, and we are halfway amiable. But I have decided not to list him on the birth certificate-- because although he *says* he would like to take on the role of a father, his actions do not reflect such... he is 37 years old; has no job, has nowhere to live, has a chemical dependency, is out on bond right now and will most likely be in jail when the baby is born, and has 3 (or more) other children whose lives he is not involved in.

He is a financial strain on me and was depending solely on me when we were living together, so I have no desire to request child support (now or in the future), as I am sure he will never be able to adequately provide it. He claims to want to be a part of both mine and the baby's lives, but I also know that he would never put in the time or effort to claim paternity through a court order. He won't even go to get a blood test done to check for a genetic disease that I am a carrier for, to rule in or out whether the baby will have it... instead, forcing my doctor to perform an amniocentesis which puts me at a greater risk of miscarriage.

Knowing that he will never put any effort forth to obtain any paternal rights, I was not too worried until I stumbled upon some things on this site... I have applied for public assistance. I already recieve food stamps and have applied through another program called healthy start (and wiic?) They had asked me the name and birthdate of the father, and I hesitated but they said they would not be able to help me without that information, so I told them. How likely is it that they will force a paternity test in hopes of him paying out? He has no money now and I doubt that he will ever have an on-the-books income. I DO NOT want his paternity established in the first place; whenever he gets mad and I try to break up with him he threatens to take me to court in the future for custody, based on some documented mental illnesses I have. I know he is not someone they would likely give custody to, but my history isn't exactly squeeky clean either.and I don't even want him having unsupervised visitation, as I do not trust to be able to be responsible for another human being. Although he has not pursued anything with the other children (that I know of), I am afraid that he might do something out of revenge; or that he might actually have a change of heart, realize he is getting older, and actually might want to be in the child's life, but without any actual responsibility being put forth (such as unsupervised visitation rights).

What are all of my options from this point on? Wait for a problem to arise, and out-lawyer him when the time comes? Or don't go any further with the public assistance? I really need some good advice and/or solutions.

(Sorry this was so long! Thanks if you actually made it all the way through!)

[jk]

. How likely is it that they will force a paternity test in hopes of him paying out?

somewhere between 99 and 100 percent chance of it. Regardless if he pays or not, he WILL owe until he does.

I DO NOT want his paternity established in the first place;

Not your choice. If the state i going to hand you money, they have the right and actually the requirement to attempt to recoup those expenses from the person tht should be paying them and saving the taxpayers some cash. As well, if the father whould want to establish paternity, there isn;t really anything you can do to prevent it.

I don't even want him having unsupervised visitation,

Again, not your choice.

Wait for a problem to arise, and out-lawyer him

You're on state assistance. How do you propose you can out lawyer him?

The only thing you can do is not accept state aid and hope the father does not want to prove paternity.

[Just Breath]

If you are receiving public benefits, you can be sure that the welfare office WILL file a petition to establish a parent-child relationship with the father so that they can seek to recover child support. As long as you are receiving public benefits, any support collected will be diverted to them before you see a dime. THEY will receive any support collected to offset the benefits they are paying, otherwise the taxpayers are left holding the bag to support you and your child.

The CSE will only seek a support order....they do not have the authority to try to set up his visitation or custody rights. He would still have to hire a lawyer to seek those rights since you were never married. In fact, if he doesn't respond to their petition for support, or at least ask for a DNA test, he will be established as the legal father of the child for purposes of collecting support only.....he won't automatically be given any rights to custody or visitation.

[garden_of_noise]

Not your choice. If the state i going to hand you money, they have the right and actually the requirement to attempt to recoup those expenses from the person tht should be paying them and saving the taxpayers some cash. As well, if the father whould want to establish paternity, there isn;t really anything you can do to prevent it. [/QUOTE]

I understand the logic behind it... it's just that I *know* he would never pay a dime, because even if he were to get a job, it would be undocumented. Even if he was held liable and sent to jail for not paying, nothing would change... this is how he is.


You're on state assistance. How do you propose you can out lawyer him? [/QUOTE]

That is irrelevant-- you make it sound like i'm relying completely on the state. I am just getting some extra help, such as food vouchers for the child and other helpful services. I have people who care about me and this unborn child very much. Just because they can't flat out support the child on a daily basis does not mean they wouldn't be able to assist me in obtaining a good lawyer.

The only thing you can do is not accept state aid and hope the father does not want to prove paternity. [/QUOTE]

On his own, I know he would never go through with the "ordeal" of proving paternity, which is why I didn't want the state to go ahead and do it for him. So I guess now I must weigh each side of the issue in the best interest of the child... whether the benefits would outweigh the risks of paternity being established.

[garden_of_noise]

If you are receiving public benefits, you can be sure that the welfare office WILL file a petition to establish a parent-child relationship with the father so that they can seek to recover child support. As long as you are receiving public benefits, any support collected will be diverted to them before you see a dime. THEY will receive any support collected to offset the benefits they are paying, otherwise the taxpayers are left holding the bag to support you and your child.

The CSE will only seek a support order....they do not have the authority to try to set up his visitation or custody rights. He would still have to hire a lawyer to seek those rights since you were never married. In fact, if he doesn't respond to their petition for support, or at least ask for a DNA test, he will be established as the legal father of the child for purposes of collecting support only.....he won't automatically be given any rights to custody or visitation.

question then... if it ever actually got to the point of him petitioning visitation, what kinds of things would have to be proven or brought to the courts attention in order for this to be denied? I really would fear for the childs safety alone with him, but what kind of things must be shown legally to back up my feelings about this? thanks for the info!

[Just Breath]

question then... if it ever actually got to the point of him petitioning visitation, what kinds of things would have to be proven or brought to the courts attention in order for this to be denied? I really would fear for the childs safety alone with him, but what kind of things must be shown legally to back up my feelings about this? thanks for the info!

The only sure way to terminate his paternal rights, is marry someone else who wants to adopt the child and see if he is willing to relinquish his rights to your husband. If you marry and have a potential adoptive father for the child, you may be able to have his rights terminated on grounds of abandonment. But, the state will not terminate a father's rights without someone waiting in the wings to assume those rights UNLESS there is proof of abuse or neglect. Your feeling that the child would not be safe in his care is not good enough. Abuse or neglect has to be proven, not just anticipated by you. Likewise, he cannot use your mental illnesses against you unless he can prove that such illnesses have actually resulted in the abuse or neglect of the child....not just the anticipation that you would abuse or neglect the child.