[justonian99]

I am a father of a three-year son old born out of wedlock. Although his mother and I never married, I have always financially supported him since day one with a monthly payment agreed to between his mother and I. I also spend time w/ him on a weekly basis and love him more than anyone in this world.

I have recently learned that his mother did not sign the "Acknowledgement of Paternity" form given to us the day of my son's birth, even though I did. I am not on this child's birth certificate and there is no legal record of myself being his father.

This new information deeply disturbs me and I have been trying to get the mother to consent to a paternity test for a couple weeks now. She refuses. Although the results of such a test would crush me if I was proved not to be the biological father, I feel the test is needed. How can I proceed to legally request a paternity test?

[Anonymous]

I am assuming you were both unmarried at the time of conception - things get complicated when the mother is married to somebody other than the biological father at that time. Given that assumption, you may obtain a test by commencing a paternity action in the Pennsyvania courts.

Please note that depending upon state law this could put you on the hook for retroactive child support, particularly if there is no record of your past support and the mother. It would benefit you to speak to a Pennsylvania lawyer who can step you through the paternity process, and who can try to ensure that you are not assessed back support.

If you have access to the child, and wish to do so, you can do a cheek swab paternity test yourself. You purchase a test kit, follow the instructions to take a swab from yourself and from the child, and return the kit to the testing company for analysis. As this is DNA testing, even though it is not a blood test (no need to jab your kid with a needle) it will include or exclude you as the father to a very high degree of probability. Please note, however, that trying to "pull a fast one" on your ex- by administering a DNA test she opposes, then confronting her with the results, may result in the unnecessary complication of your parenting relationship. (i.e., she may 'blow a gasket".)