I have been with my now wife for about 8 years, she was pregnant when we began dating. We have raised the child without help or much contact from the bio father (he did sign the birth certificate, on for some reason though his name does not appear on the actual document). My wife and I have tried several time to include him in "his" daughter's life, he shows mild interest but disappears for years at a time).
My wife got pregnant when she was 17 and is now 25. We own a home and are pregnant with our second child. Our daughter is well adjusted and happy.
The bio dad called my cellphone on Mother's Day with talk of wanting to be involved our 7 year olds life (she does not know him in the slightest, based on his on previous choices). We had him over to meet her about 4 years ago before another 3 year hiatus. At that meeting he was not introduced as her bio father. A few months after this dissappearance my daughter went from calling me by my first name to dad by her request. She knows only me as her father and with the infrequency on his point we have seen no reson to introduce someone so fly by night into her life. I would love to adopt her and he has no problem with that, provided he gets visitation and recognised as her bio dad. My wife feels as though he is looking for the "best of both worlds" visitation on his terms, with no question of curent or back child support. At this point I want him out of our life, and feel that his on and off prescense will cause nothing but turmoil for our daughter.
My wife and I are unsure of what steps to take from here. I assume the adoption wouldn't necessarily be uncontested being we don't agree to his terms. I was wondering if anyone knows what kind of laws New Jersey has regarding abandonment and what our rights are. If I've left anything out, please feel free to ask!