Ex-Husband's Tactics Threaten My Sanity

[frogz7595]

My ex and I just signed the final divorce agreement. Not even a week ago. Now he is harrassing me to have sex with him or he will take me back to court and try to get the kids from me again. The divorce started from physical abuse and I have a free lawyer for the divorce. He knows that once the paperwork is completed I will not have a lawyer. He makes 94k a year. I make 12k. I wont be able to afford one at that point. He's betting on this.
So even now after the paperwork was signed (not even 3 days ago) he is threatening to take me back to court to get the kids from me.
We have been split up since February officially. The relationship during our marriage was strange and could be considered Master/slave to some. (against my will but for the safety of the kids until I could get out of the situation). I got pregnant in the middle of March and he knew it when he signed the divorce. The baby isnt his. Even stated he knew it in front of my lawyer and said he didnt care. Now he is saying that was adultry even though we were split up. I have him on tape having sex with a female during our marriage. He knows this as well.
Can he do what he is saying? I have moved on in life and dont want him controlling me any longer. I just now am having the strength to put my foot down about all of this and now he is trying to crush it. He is trying to make me send him pictures nude of me as well. I dont want him in my life any longer but have to for the kids sake. They are 2 and 4 years old. They know of him but he never helped me take care of them. He was gone 15 month of their lives. Now because I am stepping up against him he wants to try and controll me in another way. How can I legally get away from all of this and still keep my kids? HELP!!!!!!!

[Dad2]

He can TRY whatever he wants.
But there usually has to be an act of God ( ok, a little overstated), for the kids to be taken away from you.
Keep the emails.
Save the voicemails.
If you feel your life is in danger, get a restraining order.
I don't advocate going into a courtroom without a lawyer, but if things are happening as you say they are, you shouldn't have too much to worry about.
Look around for free legal counsel.
If he makes 94k a year, you should be getting a helluva child support check every month.
Use that money ( or at least part of it ) for a good lawyer.
Most lawyers will give you a free initial consult.

[frogz7595]

He is slick as crap. He is only saying these things in person or over the phone. (he wants nude pictures of me twice a month as well as sexual intercource when he picks up the kids which is twice a month, or he takes me back to court to take the kids from me. I havent done anything but put him off (manipulation tactics)Can he try to tell the courts we had sex although we didnt?)) We have Joint Physical custody at this moment with him living in Florida. With me having primary physical care and control. He is pressuring me to move there in Florida as well. Here in Alabama you cannot get a free lawyer witout it being an abuse case (which is how I got the free lawyer in the first place).
He put it in the divorce that he will pay the 900.00 house payment and the 300.00 utility bill and pay me 200.00 cash for the full 1400.00 child support amount. I actually only get 200.00 in hand. That is fine with me because I dont have to worry about my place to live or the utilities being cut off. But I dont get anything otherwise. He also did it this way so I could continue to get state aide without being penalized.
How can I legally record the phone conversations so I can prove to everyone what I am saying? He tried very hard to take the kids the first time. He settled for Joint Physical custody with him out of state after I proved to him I wasnt doing drugs nor was the guy I was talking to doing anything illegal as well. Telling me he was being nice to show me that he can and try to give us a fresh start. Now he has the fact that I am pregnant with a child that isnt his and although the divorce has been signed by both of us the Judge hasnt signed it yet. Can he hold this against me? He is using a lawyer right now that is really good friends with the Judge. (they go boating every weekend).
How can I legally get away from all of this?????

[jojo4]

He is slick as crap. He is only saying these things in person or over the phone. (he wants nude pictures of me twice a month as well as sexual intercource when he picks up the kids which is twice a month, or he takes me back to court to take the kids from me. I havent done anything but put him off (manipulation tactics)Can he try to tell the courts we had sex although we didnt?)) We have Joint Physical custody at this moment with him living in Florida. With me having primary physical care and control. He is pressuring me to move there in Florida as well. Here in Alabama you cannot get a free lawyer witout it being an abuse case (which is how I got the free lawyer in the first place).
He put it in the divorce that he will pay the 900.00 house payment and the 300.00 utility bill and pay me 200.00 cash for the full 1400.00 child support amount. I actually only get 200.00 in hand. That is fine with me because I dont have to worry about my place to live or the utilities being cut off. But I dont get anything otherwise. He also did it this way so I could continue to get state aide without being penalized.
How can I legally record the phone conversations so I can prove to everyone what I am saying? He tried very hard to take the kids the first time. He settled for Joint Physical custody with him out of state after I proved to him I wasnt doing drugs nor was the guy I was talking to doing anything illegal as well. Telling me he was being nice to show me that he can and try to give us a fresh start. Now he has the fact that I am pregnant with a child that isnt his and although the divorce has been signed by both of us the Judge hasnt signed it yet. Can he hold this against me? He is using a lawyer right now that is really good friends with the Judge. (they go boating every weekend).
How can I legally get away from all of this?????

He can try to tell the court anything he wants. Furthermore, even if you decided to have sex with him (for old time's sake ) it would have no bearing on the custody of the kids.

Alabama is a one-party state. (meaning that you can record the phone conversation without the other partie's knowledge or consent) However, Florida requires consent of all parties. I suggest you make a quick call to an atty to find a definitive answer to this question.

In order to change the custody order (it is the final order, right?) he will have to show that there has been a significant (detrimental) change in the children's living environment.

Have you gotten a PO to stop all contact from him? There are ways to handle the custody issues and visitation with a PO in place.

[frogz7595]

PO? Please refresh my memory of this please.
Does it matter that the Judge hasnt signed anything yet?
The case is here in Alabama will that have any effect on recordings of phone converstaions, also the Judges here have a problem with admitting in courts hearing the recordings of anything by one party. Not sure why.
What do I do?
I am sick and tired of the constant threats and harrassment, but feel I have to put up with it until the Judge signs the Final Agreement. I have to put up with 4 hours of class with this man soon at the same time. Im trying to be polite and let him think whatever he wants without stirring him up, pissing him off, or him thinking I am going to get him back for all of this. But it is very hard. My boyfriend knows everything and its taking a lot to keep him from saying anything to my ex. My ex is very controlling and can sell ice to an eskimo. Im not that good at his game. Although I can tell when he is up to something ahead of time usually.
If I do have sex with him it voids the entire divorce as well and the whole things starts back from scratch. Its been hell getting things this far as is. I cant and wont start back over. I have moved on. (besides he sucked in bed and just the thought makes me sick!)
Any helpful advice?

[turbowray]

Get a restraining order to begin with. Have a friend present at all times for a while, and have a speaker phone, so you can put it on speaker phone, and your friend can hear this threat, and demands! Go to a place that helps with domestic violence victims, and have them help you at once! They will know what you can do in your state, for protection!! He is now stalking you, if you get a stalking order against him, it may be able to include the kids (it does here at least). Get caller ID, and if he calls, do not answer unless you absolutely have to. Press charges for blackmail, if you have to! You can charge him with sexual harrasment also, for asking for nude photos of you! Please, you need more help than just you, you need to go to your cities group meetings, and you will find those who have been through all of this. Do not have sex, or send pictures, or anything of that nature, if you do, he can claim you were a willing participant.

[Dad2]

Ok, few things.
Record the phone conversations. I don't give a rats ass if it's legal or not. You tell him you have recordings of him threatening you, asking you for porn etc....
At 94k a year, I can assume he has a good job, Does he want his co workers (and boss) to hear those threats and commands of porn?
Don't tell him you will send the tape, just infer it. Remember, he may be recording too.
He's in Florida. A long way away. It's not like he can just hop on your front doorstep on a whim.
Have a friend with you, when he picks up the kids.
He is pressuring you to move? DO you plan to? Don't even talk to him!!
When he calls, unless he says he wants to talk to the kids, hang the hell up.
He will have a very hard time taking the kids away. Don't lose sleep over it.
You said he goes boating with the judge every weekend? He travels to your state every weekend?
And $900 to the house, $300 to utility , and $200 cash is crap.
And here's why....
With him paying the house payment, and utility bills, he still has control of you. He gets the bills, he knows what your up to.
And guess what happens if he decides to not pay for a few months....
You get your lights/gas/phone shut off, and maybe even evicted.
You don't think he will hold that over your head?
Get the $1,400 per month via your state child support system. Have it taken directly out of his paycheck. This way, there's no gray areas.
Sounds like he still wants control over you, and you are giving it to him.
Oh, 1 last thing...
Document EVERYTHING.
Every time he calls.
What he says
Every e-mail.
Save every phone message.
Walk into court with a stack of papers documenting the harassment.

[turbowray]

Amen To That Dad2!!

[aaron]

If recording is actually illegal in your state, the better approach may be to bluff ("I have recordings") even though you're not actually recording the calls.

[jojo4]

Aaron, Alabam is a one-party state. However, Florida requires that all parties consent to the recording. The OP is in Al while the STBX is in Fl. So, what would the legality be in regard to recording the conversations? Would the federal law apply?