What Can You Do if Your Ex Enters Your House Without Permission and Destroys Property

[elemental]

My question involves criminal law for the state of: Oregon

Summary:
I broke up with my ex and she moved out at the end of august. Since then things continued to escalate and I obtained a restraining order 3 weeks ago for violence, threats, and harassment. Unfortunately the restraining order was not served yet at the time of this incident.

She still has a key and let herself into my house( I will be changing the locks asap). I remained in my car to avoid any risk of violence. She took both things that were hers and things that I paid for and who knows what else and put them in her car. When the police arrived they said I could not press charges for breaking and entering since she used to live here but it has been months since she has lived here and a month since she spent the night( yes I know I should have cut ties entirely ). She was treated as if she was the victim and I the abuser. I found out after the police left that she also destroyed some of my personal property while in my house. I would like to know what if anything I can do to press criminal charges.

The full story:

She has not been living in this house since the end of august. She has stayed the night a couple times since then, the most recent a month ago. A few days after that last time she stayed the night she assaulted me, made multiple threats, and continued to harass me so I got a restraining order. I did not choose to press charges at the time because I just wanted to be done with everything and didn't want to deal with it.

The events below took place on monday 11/7 about 3 weeks after I got a restraining order. However she was never served so it was not yet valid.

She showed up my at gym after I specifically made clear that it would be a huge breach of boundaries. After she arrived I immediately left, not even saying bye to my friends I was there with and went home. After I got home I was sitting in my car texting some friends when she pulled up. She did not see me in my car and let herself into the backyard. I did not immediately call the cops because I was hoping she would either not go inside or realize I was not there and leave.

I then saw her taking things out of the house and putting them in her car. At that point I called the cops but remained in my car with the doors locked because she has a history of violence. The last time she punched, kicked, scratch, and bit me, threw scissors at me but missed and also threatened to stab me.

As the police were on their way I moved my car behind her car to block her in so she could not leave, when the police arrived she was standing outside my car trying to get me to open the door. When they showed up she tried to leave but the police stopped her.

This is where is gets wonky. The officer in charge was a woman and seemed to heavily side with my ex. She asked me to provide the restraining order and she served her and then spent most of the encounter talking to my ex, answering her questions etc without ever getting a statement from me or giving me a case number.

When I tried to interject to state that she entered my house without permission and I would like to press charges for breaking and entering she laughed at me and said it's not breaking and entering since she used to live there and was just getting her stuff. When I told her she had taken things that were not mine she called me a child because the only thing I saw for sure that was mine was a large house plant. I tried to tell her I did not know what all she had taken and she snarkily told me to go inside and make a list then. I tried to argue that it would be impossible to figure out what was missing and that regardless of the value of the house plant she had still stolen it from me and entered my house without my permission. She told me to see judge judy if I wanted it back. This continued on with her calling me a child and trying to convince me to quit complaining so everyone could go home which I finally did because it did not seem like the officer was going to change her mind.

Later that night I found that she not only had taken some stuff but had also destroyed some personal items and scratched my motorcycle. She also found earings from a girl I am seeing and destroyed them, that girl is now very nervous that my ex may figure out who she is and do something to her. I called the non emergency line and got a different much more friendly officer but he said that since I did not see her damage anything and since the restraining order was not in effect at the time he could not do anything.

At this point I don't care about the value of the items and my insurance should cover the motorcycle but I do want her to face consequences for her actions. I regret not pressing charges when she assaulted me a month ago, I did file a police report though.

It seems absurd that the police would not press charges for breaking and entering or taking items from my house. I have been cooperating with her fully and working with a friend of hers to return any items of her that were hers so this is not a case of her just trying to get her stuff back. This was malicious and I feel the situation could have been very dangerous if I had entered the house instead of waiting in the car and I'm infuriated that the police did not take the matter seriously especially since they should have records of all the times I've had to call the cops while in a relationship with her. I feel that since I am a male I was treated as if I were the abuser and she the victim.

I have already filed a complaint against the officer but I doubt anything will come of that.

She admitted to the officer that she was in the house and my roommate also saw her in the house and she also admitted to entering the house without permission via text to a mutual friend who shared the messages with me.

Do I have any legal options outside of civil court?

[cdwjava]

You cannot force the police to pursue criminal charges if they do not believe they have sufficient probable cause to determine a crime existed.

The issue you have here is that this was the shared home, she still has a key, she still has her stuff in the house, and she has spent the knight there not long ago with your apparent approval.

Were you two married? Or unmarried and living together?

You can always sue her in civil court for damage or loss of any property if you wish, but the incident on November 7th is not likely to result in any criminal charges.

See that she is served with the restraining order and then break off all contact with her. If she wants her stuff back, you can always pass it along to a mutual friend, or, get a storage unit, put her stuff in it, and mail her friend or family the key.

[qwaspolk69]

Get the restraining order served.

Box up all her stuff. Have a mutual friend keep it.

Get your locks changed asap.

Stop letting her spend the night. No contact her.

[elemental]

The restraining order was served when the cops showed up. We were living together but not married. It was made very clear that she was not to come over again after the incident that resulted in the restraining order. There are text messages from that night that indicate I was not ok with seeing her and messages with her admitting to entering my house without permission. A friend is trying to see if she will admit to destroying my stuff. Civil court would be a waste of time, she has no money to pay for judgement and the value of property damaged is only a couple 100.

[adjusterjack]

The restraining order was served when the cops showed up. We were living together but not married. It was made very clear that she was not to come over again after the incident that resulted in the restraining order. There are text messages from that night that indicate I was not ok with seeing her and messages with her admitting to entering my house without permission. A friend is trying to see if she will admit to destroying my stuff. Civil court would be a waste of time, she has no money to pay for judgement and the value of property damaged is only a couple 100.

Then be thankful when you get out from under this and think about this lesson next time you fall in love and want to live with somebody.

[qwaspolk69]

The restraining order was served when the cops showed up. We were living together but not married. It was made very clear that she was not to come over again after the incident that resulted in the restraining order. There are text messages from that night that indicate I was not ok with seeing her and messages with her admitting to entering my house without permission. A friend is trying to see if she will admit to destroying my stuff. Civil court would be a waste of time, she has no money to pay for judgement and the value of property damaged is only a couple 100.

So has she come to your house since she was served the order? Until she got served with that order, she could come there. Now that she's served, next time she shows up within however many feet of you or your residence, call the cops and they can arrest her.

That being said, you need to block all contact with her. Forget about what she did to your stuff. It sucks but is it really worth the hassle or headache? Take this as a lesson learned. Pack up all her shit and take it to a mutual friend OR just leave it on the curb and she can pick it up.

If you want to waste your time to try to get criminal charges go ahead. The only way you will is if she violates that protection order.

[elemental]

Oh believe me lesson learned. I've started dating again and now it's easy to spot the red flags. Also started seeing a therapist to make sure I deal with all the shit that happened in a healthy way and avoid ever letting it happen again.

So has she come to your house since she was served the order? Until she got served with that order, she could come there. Now that she's served, next time she shows up within however many feet of you or your residence, call the cops and they can arrest her.

That being said, you need to block all contact with her. Forget about what she did to your stuff. It sucks but is it really worth the hassle or headache? Take this as a lesson learned. Pack up all her shit and take it to a mutual friend OR just leave it on the curb and she can pick it up.

If you want to waste your time to try to get criminal charges go ahead. The only way you will is if she violates that protection order.

I get that she could come there and say knock on the door or somehting as any random person could but how on earth was it legal for her to enter without my permission when she's been told she is not ever welcome there.

I appreciate the feedback. I'm only pushing the matter because it drives me crazy how much she got away with and that now she feels justified in her actions because the cops took her side and treated her like the victim in all of this. It would have been nice for her to face some consequences and get a wake up call but I suppose I'll just try to let it go and hope this is the end of the saga.

[geek]

You might just have to let that episode go, and chalk it up to experience. If you have homeowner's or renter's insurance, you might contact them to see if anything is covered, but otherwise, you're probably out of luck.

[qwaspolk69]

Oh believe me lesson learned. I've started dating again and now it's easy to spot the red flags. Also started seeing a therapist to make sure I deal with all the shit that happened in a healthy way and avoid ever letting it happen again.



I get that she could come there and say knock on the door or somehting as any random person could but how on earth was it legal for her to enter without my permission when she's been told she is not ever welcome there.

I appreciate the feedback. I'm only pushing the matter because it drives me crazy how much she got away with and that now she feels justified in her actions because the cops took her side and treated her like the victim in all of this. It would have been nice for her to face some consequences and get a wake up call but I suppose I'll just try to let it go and hope this is the end of the saga.

You have to just let it go. There's nothing legally you can do about it. But if you want to stress yourself out worrying about it go ahead.

I have sat there and tried to figure out my drug addict ex and why he has done the things he has done. Why he abused me and his first wife. Why he can constantly find a way to get drug money but not money for his kids. Why he manipulates and abuses everyone who has loved him. I'm never going to understand it or figure it out. He may very well be a sociopath - I don't know. But I have our child to worry about and can't worry about a man-child in his mid 30s.