Across State Lines

[potentially_ours]

This is confusing...
In December, my son was at a party (not known to us at the time, or he would NOT have been there!)...however, he was....and he and a girl who was visiting here from another state got together and are now expecting a baby...we are not 100% sure it is our son's, but the timing and everything is right...

her parents are in prison...she is in legal guardianship of her grandmother...in another state...she states that her grandmother wants her out of the house as soon as possible, so right now, she is staying with a friend there...

we are willing to bring her into our home and help her get state medical care and continue her education...even though we are not sure this is our grandchild...

she said her grandmother has already given her all of her legal documents...birth certificate, adoption papers, etc...

if we are to bring her into our home...what do we need to do?...do we need to go through the entire foster program, etc...home study, etc...
this girl is 16...basically living on her own at this time....would it be any different than just having someone come live at our house for a while...

I do not want CPS/DHS to come after us because we brought this girl into our home...we want to do things right...give her some stability and health care, whether it is our son's child or not...he is willing to be responsible at this time, and we will support him...them...but we do not have the time to go through all of that pre-approval stuff and foster classes!!

does she need to proclaim herself an emancipated minor?...would that make things easier?...would she still be able to get state assistance and enroll in school if she did?

does her grandmother need to sign a notorized document stating she is relinquishing guardianship of this girl and giving us POA in the event of an emergency?

When she gets here and into our home...a seprate bedroom for her and the baby when it gets here...the kids will NOT be sharing a room!....what do we need to have as far as being able to enroll her in our local school and sign her up for medical assistance and WIC?

Any and all ideas and advice is welcome!
Thanks

[seniorjudge]

Hire a lawyer and ask for guardianship.

Although, I will have to tell you that a judge will look askance at letting y'all have the kid when she herself is expecting from a rendezvous with your son.

Maybe you need to have son move out and get a job.

Then y'all can take care of child mommy and her child.

Just a thought.

[potentially_ours]

my son is only 16 years old...I will not make him move out on his own so we can care for this girl and her child...
and it is not as if we LET him go and make this child with her...and we are not even sure it IS his child...but he is willing to at least be responsible for now...and we will seek a paternity test after the baby is born...

but thanks for replying...

[seniorjudge]

Okay, but just imagine how what you are wanting looks to a judge.

[potentially_ours]

trying to get the girl into a regular home and medical help looks bad?
kids all make mistakes...my son made a mistake by being where he was not supposed to be...did you ALWYAS go everywhere your parents told you to go?!...did you NEVER do anything they would not approve of?

We did not approve of him going to the party, and when we found out, he was in big trouble...but now there are more complications and we are trying to set thigns right...

the girl ASKED to come to our place...she WANTS to come to our place...her family does NOT want her....her grandmother kicked her out of the house...how does THAT look to a judge?!

[seniorjudge]

Okay, but just imagine how what you are wanting looks to a judge.

You: Judge, my son got this girl pregnant. Now we want the girl to move in with us so my son can be around her all the time.

Judge: Is the son working?

You: No.

Judge: Is the girl working?

You: No.

Judge: So y'all want to pay for your son and his girlfriend to play house. Is that right?



(Look...don't get mad at me. I'm just telling you what you are in store for, okay?)

[potentially_ours]

did I ever say they won't be working?...nope...my son has a part time job, I will expect her to get one as well...separate bedrooms...opposite sides and ends of the hall...continue school and get a diploma...life will NOT be easy for them...but they also deserve a chance...

We are not setting them up to "play house"...we are trying to help the girl and possibly our grandchild get a good start on a new life...

if you are really a judge...I would hate to be before you and your judgemental ways....

[Neal1421]

So, what's going to happen if the child is born, there's a DNA test (which I highly recommend before any one signs anything) and the child turns out to not be yours? Will you still be willing to care for the girl?

[potentially_ours]

yes we would....we have talked about that as well, and we will get a test done when the child is born...if she comes to our home and has the child...and it is not ours...of course, she always has the right to leave and we never see her again...but if the kids continue to care for each other and are willing to make a commitment, even if the baby is not biologically my son's...then that is fine with us as well...

as the saying goes....anyone can be a sperm donor, but it takes someone special to be a daddy...if my son is willing to take that responsibility on then we will help them in any way we can...

but if the child is not his, and things do not work out between them...I don't want him saddled with child support either...

[seniorjudge]

...


if you are really a judge...I would hate to be before you and your judgemental ways....

Thank you. People should NOT want to be in front of a judge.

And I am not a nice person in court.

It's my job.