Step-Mother's Rights

[albrightl]

My husband and I have been married for going on 7 years. Since then, we have been raising my daughter and step-son. My step-son's mother left when he was 1 1/2 and my husband ended up getting physical custody. We have seen very little of her over the years, maybe once a year, if that. It was hard to keep up with her because she was constantly moving and changing her phone numbers to avoid paying child support. My step-son refers to me as mommy (since I am the one that has been there for the past 7 years) and to my parents as grandma and grandpa. Last year, his bio mother decided to take my husband to court for visitation, stating that she has been kept away from him all these years (He's now 9). She succeeded in getting every other weekend and some holidays. Now she tells my step-son that he is not to call me mommy and that he is not to talk about me at all while he is visiting. She lets him know that I am just the step-mother and I have no say in any matters dealing with him. She tells him that his brother and sisters are not REALLY his brother and sisters, because they don't have the same mom. This makes my step-son very uncomfortable, but he does not know what to do or say. I've tried talking to her; letting her know that it is ok for us to get along, for his sake, but I have been unsuccessful. She has a very violent temper, with a criminal history to support it. Everytime we talk, or my husband tries to talk to her, it is a neverending "loud" battle. Is there anything we can do, legally, to avoid my step-son being emotionally scarred by her actions and/or words? Do I, as the step-mother, have any rights to my step-son after raising him for all these years? It's hard to believe that I can be financially, physically, and emotionally responsible for this child, but have no rights to him whatsover!

[jk]

Do I, as the step-mother, have any rights to my step-son after raising him for all these years? It's hard to believe that I can be financially, physically, and emotionally responsible for this child, but have no rights to him whatsover!

this isn't meant to be mean. It is obvious you love your step son and care about his well being but.;

where did you get the misinformation about you being financially, physically, and emotioanlly responsible for him. You are no more responsible for those things than a babysitter would be.

It is good that step parents do take an active role in their stepchildrens lives, especially in circumstances such as yours but you must realize that it is a choice you chose, not one legally assigned or relegated to you.

Although it sounds as if the bio mom is not the best mom there is, nothing you have posted appears to be illegal. I would suggest you AND YOUR HUSBAND continue supporting and counseling the child. Outside counseling can also be great help since it is from an objective point of view and although you do not see you causing any of the problems, you may unintentionally be causing some friction.