This is a big mess. My son & our family lived in Colorado; we all moved to the East Coast (VA) summer 2003. In Dec. 2003, a friend told my son he had a child by a person he... what "hooked up"??? with. The baby was born in Sept. '03. (He did not know she was pregnant, & she did not tell him). He immediately contacted her ~ she was in CO. but had the baby in Arizona... My son (18 when baby was born) became an involved parent; mom & baby ended up moving to VA. Paternity was established, sons name added to b.c. & babys last name changed. Later, mom took baby to visit relatives in AZ. & just didn't go back to VA. Parents argreed to a joint custody arrangement, & it was "entered" into juvenile court in VA. (I understand I'm probably not using correct terminology.) They exchanged the baby twice. Turns out mom was once again pregnant, saying it was by my son, & we have no reason to doubt her. She was reluctant for us as a family or my son as a Daddy to be much involved with pregnancy etc., but she & son talked about how he was going to be involved. The moms sister called on May 19 2005 & said mom was in labor with 2nd child. Everyone waited. On May 20, son called hospital, after not hearing from mom or sisters etc. They had "checked out". He tried every # he had; nothing; this went on for a few weeks. In June, he was supposed to pick up his first child, per court order, & he flew to AZ. on appointed day. Mom & son(s) didn't show up... Turns out mom had jumped from AZ. to CO. again with both kids. My son would not hear from his child(ren) for 6 months. Mom kept going back & forth between both states, staying with relatives & friends. She told son he might not be "daddy" of first child, claimed to a detective he abused her & child (NOT TRUE) but didn't file a report, then recanted, & used all sorts of other excuses. Finally, in Oct. 2005, judge gave son sole custody of first boy. He flew to AZ., then to CO. (Mom had been properly served). He FINALLY was able to meet with mom; she found out he got sole custody & FINALLY called him early Nov. 05. He got a one hour visit with boys in CO., but mom would not let him take 1st son home. Police refused to intervene in a "civil mater"... During this 6 months, he did nothing to establish paternity on the second child;
He flew back East, more court hearings, etc. In Jan. she agreed to let my son pick up first boy, & again, he flew west, to AZ., where she was again. She met him at the airport, & he brought the child home to VA. He & mom started making plans for her to come East, so the boys would not be raised seperately, & so both kids could have both parents. They had a lot of baggage to straighten out, but it SOUNDED like everything was going smoothly. He found her a place to stay, offered to pay all expenses etc. He didn't want to "push her" into adding his name on b.c. for 2nd boy & figured they would work it all out when she got East. They both have talked to each boy regularily. Mom wouldn't send pictures of 2nd boy, but my son sent pictures once a month of 1st boy, & video as well. Anyway, mom kept stalling about coming East for a visit or move. The other day, he opened his email to find a short note from her "Please show A. this picture of his baby sisters". She had TWINS, (NOT MY SONS!) & none of us knew she was pregnant! My son had thought they were "working things out"... She had the twins in Co. & it really threw my son. SO. Obviously, she had no intentions of moving east. She is unmarried, & father of twins apparently is just a "friend" who is in the process of moving to Michigian. Mom is NOT a horrible person; very naive maybe. She is now 24. Her mother had 12 kids, no daddies around, & many of her sisters have children, no daddies around. This is just their lifestyle; mom has not gone "after" son for c.s. for 2nd child, but is on state aid. Which state, I just don't know. She says AZ. did NOT allow her to give 2nd child Daddys last name, which I don't "buy". I understand that his name may not have been allowed to be added to b.c., but I'm pretty sure she could've given the 2nd child daddy & brothers last name... Now, my son sees they were NOT working towards a common goal. He wants his name added on b.c. & wants visitation w/2nd child. He just doesn't know how to go about it. She keeps hopping between states & after all he went through to stay in his first sons life, he is bone tired. He's been ready to be a part of his second childs life, was just giving mom space & time... He came to me for help, & I'm torn! I just don't know how to advise him. We ALL used just about all our saving last year to bring first child home on lawyers, court, P.I.s & process servers etc. Son wants to do NOTHING vindictive, but wants a relationship with BOTH boys, & wants BOTH boys to have a relationship with each other. He's only spent ONE hour with second child who is now 1 1/2 yrs old. A BIG MESS! Any pointers in right direction much appreciated... Thank you!
Paternity
Re: Paternity
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