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  1. #1

    Default Father Wants to Take My Name Out of Child's Name

    My question involves name change laws in the State of: TN

    I made the following post over a year ago, while I was still pregnant with my child:

    Quote Quoting burka
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    My question involves name change laws in the State of: TN

    I am not sure if this question goes in this forum, but it's the closest one I could find for it.

    For this, I will use made-up names as examples:

    My last name before I was married was Henderson.
    My husband's last name is George.
    When we married, I tacked his name onto mine, and made my *legal* last name Henderson George (with no hyphen).
    No, Henderson is not my middle name, but the first part of my last name. (This is the way I arranged it at the social security office when I married.)

    My husband and I are divorcing. He objects to having my name in the baby's name at all. But as the patient at the hospital, I will be the one given the birth certificate and my name (as is currently is) will be on all the baby's paperwork. What will happen if I put the baby's last name like mine is (Henderson George) on the birth certificate? Will he be able to get my name taken out of there later in court? Or can he refuse to sign the birth certificate if I put the baby's name like that?

    (I feel like we're equal parents so we should get equal naming rights. I'm not taking his name off, I just want mine in there too. He feels as though he can simply tell me I'm not allowed to do this, so that is why I'm asking.)

    Well, he finally did it. He filed to have my child's name changed. My child currently has the same last name as me, which is hyphenated (per the example above: Henderson-George). He wants to have my maiden name omitted entirely. His reason is because, "That's not the name we agreed to." Only problem is, I never agreed to leaving my name out. Even if we had stayed married and been all happy and in love, I STILL would have wanted my name in my child's name b/c it's important to me.

    My court date is tomorrow. What is the best argument to use to defend my child's name staying the same? This is just sooooo important.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Father Wants to Take My Name Out of Child's Name

    Quote Quoting burka
    View Post
    My question involves name change laws in the State of: TN

    I made the following post over a year ago, while I was still pregnant with my child:




    Well, he finally did it. He filed to have my child's name changed. My child currently has the same last name as me, which is hyphenated (per the example above: Henderson-George). He wants to have my maiden name omitted entirely. His reason is because, "That's not the name we agreed to." Only problem is, I never agreed to leaving my name out. Even if we had stayed married and been all happy and in love, I STILL would have wanted my name in my child's name b/c it's important to me.

    My court date is tomorrow. What is the best argument to use to defend my child's name staying the same? This is just sooooo important.
    That its important to you and that the child is already established with that last name, and that it fairly includes the last name of both parents. Your odds of winning this one are actually pretty good. When parents disagree about a child's last name the common compromise is the hyphenate the child's last name, using both of the parent's names. You have already done that.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Father Wants to Take My Name Out of Child's Name

    The judge ordered my son's name changed. Ex won. I'm filing an appeal.

    His case was based on saying that I had agreed to the name the way he wanted it (without my last name). I attested that it didn't matter if I agreed while we were married, because we divorced before the child was born. To me, saying that I agreed to it is almost the same thing as denying someone a divorce because they "agreed" to be married.

    The only thing is...I was told they cannot change the name yet while the case is still in appeal...but my ex had the name changed immediately as soon as he got the order. The case is now in appeal.

    I did not want my son's name touched at all. I don't want him to know about all the fighting, and now his name has been changed and he's gonna know that's not the name he was born with and it kills me that my ex is doing this.

    My attorney is giving them the notice of appeal and she told me they will have to change the name back while the appeal is in process.

    I don't know what to think. Is my attorney correct? She also told me that the name was changed b/c of sexism since it was a male judge that ordered it. I don't know if I believe her or not.

    What do you guys make of all this?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Furthermore, I am very crestfallen b/c even though I could have just given my child ONLY my last name in the hospital...I knew doing that would be problematic. So I hyphenated it, thinking that was the most fair to both parents.

    I was the cooperative one. He literally filed to completely erase my name. And he won. I just don't understand any of this. To me, it's so obvious that he just wanted to erase me...and meanwhile I was trying to include both of us...and I lost. I am dumbfounded.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Father Wants to Take My Name Out of Child's Name

    Quote Quoting burka
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    The judge ordered my son's name changed.
    Your son? Is it not also his son? Did you mistakenly mean our son but couldn't find the letters?
    To me, it's so obvious that he just wanted to erase me
    Does the child not live with you? Does he not see you? Does he not know who you are? How does one erase someone from someone's life if you're actively present in that person's life? What would have happened if you had a daughter and one day she didn't have EITHER of your last names? Would you then still feel "erased?" What if she married someone with the same last name as her father?

    Of course you know what you could do... you could change your name to that of your child's... then you wouldn't be "erased" as you say it.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Father Wants to Take My Name Out of Child's Name

    I care about my identity. If I didn't, then I wouldn't be fighting for equal naming rights to his father. I care about my name and my heritage. His name is completely meaningless to me. My name means so much in the way of family identity and family history.

    It makes me sad how hard I have to fight just to have equal consideration in the name as the father does.

    You know a judge would probably laugh if I did what my ex did and filed for my son to have only my last name. The judge probably would have seen it as me trying to drive a wedge between the child and his father if I just gave the child my last name only. But when my ex files to do exactly the same thing...it's seen as a no-brainer that he gets sole representation in the last name because that's just "how it's done."

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Father Wants to Take My Name Out of Child's Name

    Quote Quoting burka
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    I care about my identity. If I didn't, then I wouldn't be fighting for equal naming rights to his father. I care about my name and my heritage. His name is completely meaningless to me. My name means so much in the way of family identity and family history.

    It makes me sad how hard I have to fight just to have equal consideration in the name as the father does.

    You know a judge would probably laugh if I did what my ex did and filed for my son to have only my last name. The judge probably would have seen it as me trying to drive a wedge between the child and his father if I just gave the child my last name only. But when my ex files to do exactly the same thing...it's seen as a no-brainer that he gets sole representation in the last name because that's just "how it's done."
    I don't understand the judge's ruling at all. Judges normally like the hyphenated last name bit..its usually seen as a fair compromise. You have appealed the ruling, you will have to see what the results are of that.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Father Wants to Take My Name Out of Child's Name

    The judge actually said in his order that "hyphenated names are awkward." He said in the order that I had "gone by the Petitioner's last name when married," when I repeatedly said in court that my last name is also a compound last name, and that I only added his name onto mine, not omitted my maiden name. He said in the order that I made the decision to hyphenate the name "unilaterally." That word, "unilaterally" really made me mad. Because if I had given the child solely my ex's last name, it would have been my ex's "unialteral" decision because I disagreed with it! We were in court because we didn't agree on the last name. Both of us wanted to make "unilateral" decisions. Only, mine was at least a compromise of both names, whereas his desired name was just his last name.

    If I had known this would be the outcome, I would have just given the child my maiden name in the hospital. Maybe if I had, then his name would at least be hyphenated now. I guess I compromised too early.

    The only thing I've learned in a year and a half of dealing with family court is that compromise and being cooperative is equal to being a doormat. I always thought I was doing the right thing by compromising and cooperating. But the only thing I've gotten out of that is getting screwed over. If I could go back and do it all over, I would be like my ex has been: stubborn, unyielding, and standing his ground.

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