Restraining Order to Keep Wife's Boyfriend Away from My Son

[len6094]

My question involves restraining orders in the State of: New York.

My wife and I are still married but emotionally ended our relationship about five years ago. We currently live under the same roof. She and our 12 year old son share a bedroom, and I sleep on a futon in the living room. The bed my wife and son sleep on is a mattress with no frame or boxspring, so it is directly on the floor. About a month ago I woke to find that her boyfriend had stayed over. What this means is he slept -- possibly on the floor -- next to my son's bed. During the night, my wife and her boyfriend admittedly had sex. They claim they were on the floor at the time, but I want to be clear that this still means they were physically no more than two feet away from my son. I was incensed and didn't know whether I was overracting. I told him to leave, and my wife and I agreed that until I can be comfortable with who the boyfriend is and whether he is a physical or psychological risk to my son, he would no longer be allowed in the apartment. We also agreed that they would no longer have sex in the bed that my son sleeps in, irrespective of whether my son is present. To put this in perspective, my wife knows very little in the way of facts about her boyfriend. She has never been inside his apartment. She says it is because he is living with his aunt who hates white people. The boyfriend apparently refuses to provide any information about himself -- address, drivers license, cell phone bill, things like this.

Last night I was away and my son told me that my wife's boyfriend spent the night, and they spent it in his bed while he remained in the living room. Now I am very concerned because this boyfriend remains a mystery, yet the two of them have shown what I believe to be unacceptably bad judgement as to what they will expose my son to; i.e. having sex next to him. So what I want to know is whether I have a basis for getting a restraining order to keep the boyfriend away from my son?

[Mr. Knowitall]

File for divorce, get your own place to live, seek custody.

[len6094]

Thanks Mr. Knowitall, I will do that but I am not sure it solves the problem and certainly not over the near-term. If I have a basis for getting a restraining order, I'd like to exercise that option. If however this situation would not qualify, then I would like to know. Where I am living and what my relationship is with my wife is not at issue. It is about my wife and her boyfiend having sex next to him. Even if I had custody, that would be a problem in that there would be ocassions that my son would spend the night with his mother.

- - - Updated - - -

Thanks adjusterjack I'll check out that resource!

[adjusterjack]

The best way to find out if you have the basis for a restraining order is to apply for one.

There's no way to predict what a judge will decide.

[Dogmatique]

I disagree with this actually.


Unless you can show that his presence is a threat to the child, there is no basis for a restraining order. The State will trust Mom to protect her child - just as the State will trust you.

[len6094]

I disagree with this actually.


Unless you can show that his presence is a threat to the child, there is no basis for a restraining order. The State will trust Mom to protect her child - just as the State will trust you.

Interesting, thanks Dogmatique, this makes sense, and presents a problem. At the core of the issue, I guess I don't trust that she will protect my son. I can provide the court several incidents that would raise the question of whether she does have a protective instinct. I fear however that this could end up creating a larger issue of whether he should be protected from her as well! And I don't want it to turn into that. I don't want his relationship with his mother to be affected. Thanks, your comment is helping me think this through.

[Dogmatique]

You trust her enough to let her parent the child. That's all the court cares about.

[len6094]

You trust her enough to let her parent the child. That's all the court cares about.

I said I don't trust her. Does that changes your answer?

[Disagreeable]

I said I don't trust her. Does that changes your answer?

Ah, however, you have trusted her enough to marry her and conceive a child with her. Absent a compelling reason, that is what matters. I suggest you attempt to verbally resolve the issue about household rules. It appears you both agreed that it was in your childs best interests, to remain together and cohabitate. Mom needs to understand her booty calls need to be at a "no tell, motel", for this arrangement to continue in your sons best interests.

[Dogmatique]

How often do you leave your son with Mom?