Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    4

    Default Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oklahoma.

    I'm sorry if this is winded, I just want to give as much info as possible to paint a thorough picture. My husband was awarded physical custody of his 7yr old son 6 months ago, and the mother retains joint legal. Mother moved 800 miles away due to requested orders in the military, and my husband filed for modification and won. The mother was not ordered to pay child support, given standard visitation, and their papers say "phone contact should be liberal and to the agreement of both parents." The mother originally called 5-7 days a week to speak to my step-son, but he requested that she keep to every other day, so she agreed to call Sun, Tue & Thu at 7:30pm. She routinely does not call at all, skipping 4-8 days at a time between calls.

    My husband works a rotating shift, every third week he is gone 4p-12a. She calls my phone on Tue & Thu these weeks, and I have offered to let her Skype with him occasionally, and he uses my computer & phone to have this contact with her. Nearly every week that my husband works this shift, there is an issue. I have missed her phone call and gotten rude texts from her, telling me to grow up and answer my d--m phone. If she calls while my step-son is eating dinner and I answer and ask her to call in 15 minutes, or say he'll call when he's done, she texts my husband and tells him that I'm doing this to her so I can 'be in control' or some other such nonsense. Long story short, every week this happens. She always has a problem with me and tattles to my husband, I believe to try and cause problems between he and I. It doesn't, as he's completely on my side, but it does make me unbelievably stressed out. I have two other children at home in addition to my step-son, I'm currently 5 months pregnant, and those weeks I am essentially a single parent while my husband works until midnight.

    Here is my issue/question- Do I have to facilitate this contact between the mother and my step-son? Can we tell her that during these weeks, she may call or Skype on Sunday night, and skip Tue/Thu? She told my husband last night that she's decided to Skype 3 nights a week now rather than just a phone call, and we "had better have him ready to talk." It is not feasible to either of our schedules to Skype 3x a week. We are active people, and many times my step-son carries out these phone calls while we're out to dinner, in the car, at my parents house, etc. I cannot stay home when she demands it, so she can Skype, when the child doesn't even want to Skype in the first place (whole 'nother issue there!) I believe that my husband stands behind my idea to cut me out of the equation- afterall, she only starts these fights with him when she has to go through me to speak to her son. If I'm no longer in the middle, she'll have to find something else to pick a fight about.

    If she were to file for modification later at some point, is a judge going to look at this and think I am some evil step-mother and award her custody? I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize our having custody of him. I spoke to a friend who is also a step-mother with similar issues and says her lawyer told her that her name is not on those custody papers, and she has no legal obligation to pick up her phone and make her step-sons call their mother. But will a judge see it that way?

    Thanks in advance for the help, sorry for being so winded!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    26,825

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    It would actually be easier on all of you if Dad had the order modified to specifically address phone/skype visits.

    You're not legally obliged to do anything. But some judges will take a very dim view of a stepparent who will not facilitate the other parent's contact when the CP is not present.

    Stepparenting is a tricky monster. So often we're put in the position of primary caregiver, yet we have no say over the legalities and all too often we're caught up in the middle.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    Is that something she'd have to agree to, or can my husband's attorney propose it to the judge and let him decide? Because I'm telling you now, she won't agree to anything that isn't her idea, and especially anything that limits her time in any way. We like that it doesn't get specific, because this way it's at our discretion.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    26,825

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    The thing is, that actually hurts the co-parenting arrangement in most cases.

    If the times are spelled out - as in, "Dad will make Junior available between the hours of 6-8pm on X, Y and Z days for the purpose of phone/Skype visitation" - it actually protects all of you. Most importantly, kiddo.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
    Posts
    3,492

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    It always amazes me when people can't figure out a way to make their children available to talk to the other parent without a court order. I mean seriously, how hard is it to let the boy get up from the table and talk to his MOTHER? If your husband called at dinner time and wanted to speak to his son, would you tell HIM to call back? Why not?

    Do you talk to your husband during specified times only? People expect non custodial parents to do things they wouldn't do in their own lives and it's a problem. Let the woman talk to her son as much as she wants, whenever she wants. After all, your HUSBAND gets to. Why can't she, exactly?
    If you wanted babies all to yourself, you should have created them by yourself. Until you do that, children have the right to BOTH parents, especially since you found them suitable to procreate with.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    576

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    Wow. To me, it seems as if stepmom is making a very reasonable effort here. Most noncustodial parents do not have that much phone contact with their children, and the fact that she is trying to keep up with this much contact and keep the peace is commendable.

    I for one certainly do not expect to be able to talk to my child on demand whenever I call if she is with mom. I wouldn't expect her to leave the dinner table to talk to me. It would be absurd of me, not to mention fairly selfish, to expect mom to drop whatever she is doing with daughter to talk to me right then and there, if returning my call an hour later would be more convenient (outside of rare emergencies). And I think it can be unnecessarily restrictive to spell out specific days and times. Heaven forbid kiddo can't participate in extracurricular activities, visit friends, etc., because he has to wait to see if mom is going to call at 7:30. There can surely be a balance. Stepmom seems to have been trying to find that, and mom has taken it to a much more personal level.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    26,825

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting FatherWhoWon
    View Post
    Wow. To me, it seems as if stepmom is making a very reasonable effort here. Most noncustodial parents do not have that much phone contact with their children, and the fact that she is trying to keep up with this much contact and keep the peace is commendable.

    I for one certainly do not expect to be able to talk to my child on demand whenever I call if she is with mom. I wouldn't expect her to leave the dinner table to talk to me. It would be absurd of me, not to mention fairly selfish, to expect mom to drop whatever she is doing with daughter to talk to me right then and there, if returning my call an hour later would be more convenient (outside of rare emergencies). And I think it can be unnecessarily restrictive to spell out specific days and times. Heaven forbid kiddo can't participate in extracurricular activities, visit friends, etc., because he has to wait to see if mom is going to call at 7:30. There can surely be a balance. Stepmom seems to have been trying to find that, and mom has taken it to a much more personal level.


    So Mom can't do right for doing wrong here?

    Either she can call whenever she wants (not unreasonable)

    Or she gets a court order specifying the times in which the child will be made available.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    So Cal
    Posts
    460

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    Nope, she (mom) isn't being unreasonable. Let the mom talk to her kid. So what if you're pregnant and have kids of your own? Put yourself in her shoes. This isn't about you.

    And I say this as a step-parent who had to deal with a very difficult CP mom. Mom calls, hand the phone over. You really want to make a battle out of this? You'll lose.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    576

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    So Mom can't do right for doing wrong here?

    Either she can call whenever she wants (not unreasonable)

    Or she gets a court order specifying the times in which the child will be made available.

    No, mom and dad worked out an agreement which seemed reasonable to both and considered the needs of the child. Now mom only seems to have issues with stepmom, and they seem more personal between the two of them than anything else. I think the best thing OP can do is try to keep the original agreement (phone call with no skype if computer access is not available seems fair), keep the child in mind, continue to try be be reasonable, and ignore any issues that mom tries to stir up if they are not reasonable. Dad too. There is no need to engage in any conversation where mom is being harrassing. Hopefully mom will get the picture and discontinue that practice. Either way, OP doesn't need to acknowledge it.

    It might be a good idea also for dad and OP to keep a log/record of communication between mom and son.


    I can't believe anyone would say that mom should be able to talk to kiddo "whenever she wants" regardless of what kiddo is doing or the family is doing. Returning a phone call is not that big of a deal.

    Put myself in her shoes? Any parent, myself included, who spends long periods of time away from their children, is in her shoes.

    And just because dad/stepmom doesn't immediately hand the phone over when mom calls doesn't mean they'll "lose." My ex actually tried to argue this same issue with the judge. She is the one who got an earful from the judge.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    26,825

    Default Re: Phone Calls from Non-Custodial Parent

    Perhaps some parents think that the NCP should be able to call at any reasonable hour to say "Hi" and not have to be told "Sorry, he's too busy eating his McNuggets".

    - - - Updated - - -

    And if returning a phone call isn't a big deal, why is saying "Hey Mommy/Daddy, I love you too!" a big deal?

    The other parent IS family.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

    1. Sponsored Links
       

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Custody and Visitation Issues: Custodial Parent's Rights When Non-Custodial Parent Doesn't Follow Custody Orders
    By Selany in forum Child Custody and Visitation
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-19-2012, 11:53 PM
  2. Modification of Support: Can the Non-Custodial Parent Make the Custodial Parent Apply for State Aid, Medical
    By VanessaInRed in forum Child Support
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 01-19-2012, 01:35 PM
  3. Enforcing Custody Orders: Refusing Phone Calls from Biological Parent on Mornings Before School
    By Megslunt in forum Child Custody and Visitation
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 12-13-2011, 12:35 PM
  4. Change of Domicile - Custodial Parent Job Offer and Non Custodial Parent Unemployed
    By tresmilagros in forum Child Custody and Visitation
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-30-2011, 12:59 PM
  5. Foreclosure: Phone Calls Won't Stop
    By BOA2008 in forum Real Estate Finance
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 06-16-2010, 08:53 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
 
Forum Sponsor
Custody Lawyer
Get help for your custody case. Consult a divorce lawyer for free.




Untitled Document