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  1. #1

    Default Paying Child Support to a Child Who Does Not Live with the Mother

    My question involves child support in the State of: South Carolina

    My husband is paying child support to his ex for their 9 year old child. They were never married, so my husband has no rights to his daughter. The mother is getting the support even though their daughter is staying with her mother and when she's not there she's with my husband's grandmother. He has mentioned this when they went to family court before, and he was told he needed PROOF that she was not living with her mother. I don't know what we need to do to get this straightened out. She stays with my husband's grandmother a lot and she can't afford to feed her while she's there and the mother refuses to give the two people who are raising her the money. His child support just got reinstated yesterday (he hasn't been paying it since August because he had medical reasons). I'm not saying the child doesn't deserve some support from her dad, but we have our daughter to take care of also, and if the mom isn't spending the money on the child because she doesn't live there then what can we do to get it straight?
    BTW: we can not afford to hire a lawyer to fight it in court and when they go to family court, they won't listen to anything my husband says and only listens to the mother. HELP!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    27,274

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to a Child Who Does Not Live with the Mother

    Why hasn't he filed for custody/visitation?

    When was the last time he saw her?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to a Child Who Does Not Live with the Mother

    Quote Quoting brandypfloyd
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    They were never married, so my husband has no rights to his daughter.
    He doesn't get them automatically because he wasn't married to mom. If he WANTS rights, he'll have to go to court to establish rights, such as visitation, joint legal decision-making, etc.



    The mother is getting the support even though their daughter is staying with her mother and when she's not there she's with my husband's grandmother. He has mentioned this when they went to family court before, and he was told he needed PROOF that she was not living with her mother. I don't know what we need to do to get this straightened out.
    Provide the proof. If you know where the child is staying, then you're making that determination based on SOMETHING - either direct knowledge/witness to were the child is, or, someone is telling you that the child is with one of the grandparents, or circumstantially if for instance, you call the child at grandma's every night.



    She stays with my husband's grandmother a lot and she can't afford to feed her while she's there and the mother refuses to give the two people who are raising her the money.

    If grandma is providing the majority of the child's care, then grandma may have standing to seek support, such that the payments would go to her rather than mom. That burden is on grandma to initiate that process if mom doesn't aid in the child's expenses. Grandma may wish to speak to a local family law attorney to run the exact circumstances past them and get an idea of what would be involved.


    His child support just got reinstated yesterday (he hasn't been paying it since August because he had medical reasons). I'm not saying the child doesn't deserve some support from her dad, but we have our daughter to take care of also, and if the mom isn't spending the money on the child because she doesn't live there then what can we do to get it straight?
    BTW: we can not afford to hire a lawyer to fight it in court and when they go to family court, they won't listen to anything my husband says and only listens to the mother. HELP!
    Problem is that the only thing that's really likely to change is that the court would order his child support payment be made to grandma, instead of to mom. If mom is using an attorney, and dad isn't and doesn't feel he's getting a fair shake, then dad really needs to find a way to at least consult with an attorney, if he realistically wants to attempt to make a change.

    And obviously, as Doggie noted, if the child isn't staying with mom, why isn't the child living with DAD, and dad getting support from mom??????
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

  4. #4

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to a Child Who Does Not Live with the Mother

    He does see his daughter. We cannot afford a lawyer to take it to court. Mom is on disability. She has 3 kids from 3 different men and my husband is the only one paying any CS to a child. She never has any of her kids. They all live some where else. We can't prove that his daughter doesn't live with mom, the mother and grandmother and even my husband's grandma will lie about it and say that she lives with the mom, but the child tells us other wise, plus we have mutual friends who have told me that the child has nothing at the moms house that everything is at grandmas. I don't want this to sound bad to anyone, but with how the child is we would prefer not to have custody of her, we just want something done about how everything is going with the courts and the child support, she is a child who has seen way too much from her mom, including alcohol and drugs and even sex, so we have to watch her super close in front of my 2 year old.

    Is there any kind of lawyer he could see that would be free for us? He hasn't worked in months and we can't afford the CS, and we haven't been able to pay our bills.

  5. #5
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Paying Child Support to a Child Who Does Not Live with the Mother

    Quote Quoting brandypfloyd
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    He does see his daughter. We cannot afford a lawyer to take it to court. Mom is on disability. She has 3 kids from 3 different men and my husband is the only one paying any CS to a child. She never has any of her kids. They all live some where else. We can't prove that his daughter doesn't live with mom, the mother and grandmother and even my husband's grandma will lie about it and say that she lives with the mom, but the child tells us other wise, plus we have mutual friends who have told me that the child has nothing at the moms house that everything is at grandmas. I don't want this to sound bad to anyone, but with how the child is we would prefer not to have custody of her, we just want something done about how everything is going with the courts and the child support, she is a child who has seen way too much from her mom, including alcohol and drugs and even sex, so we have to watch her super close in front of my 2 year old.

    Is there any kind of lawyer he could see that would be free for us? He hasn't worked in months and we can't afford the CS, and we haven't been able to pay our bills.

    Sorry, but he isn't going to get out of paying child support.

    Period.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  6. #6

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to a Child Who Does Not Live with the Mother

    The bottom line is that unless the child is living with dad, dad is going to owe child support to SOMEONE. Right now, it would appear that the proper someone is grandma, however, dad can't force grandma to take the steps to become the payee. If she wants the money she'd be entitled to for raising the child, she'll need to take the appropriate steps. As far as the courts are concerned this is money that mom may owe to grandma - dad isn't a party in the matter, because he'd be out the child support money regardless of where the child was residing. This is between mom and grandma. Nothing for dad to be involved in here unless he wants to seek primary custody. If he's willing to let someone else raise his child, he doesn't get to dictate the mechanics of how that happens. He simply writes his check per his child support order.

    If dad isn't working and has had substantial change in earnings, then his recourse is to seek modification of the support order amount based on the new financial picture. At that point the court can impute an amount that it expects him to be able to earn (at least minimum wage) and base support on that amount, rather than what he was earning. If he's not working, not paying, and the child support amount isn't adjusted, it's just going to pile up and he's going to end up deep in interest and arrears, so dad needs to NOT sit on this. THIS is an aspect of the problem that dad CAN attempt to do something about, and for his own financial health, he needs to do so - the sooner the better.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

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